When I was working, my manager asked if we wanted music, me and the other person there said yes. She listed the artists on her phone in alphabetical order: “Adele, Beatles, Beyoncé, Chameleon Circuit…” Me: “CHAMELEON CIRCUIT!?” It was the second least likely thing I thought she’d have downloaded.

This was the greatest live task of all time, my ribs hurt from laughing 😂 #taskmaster

That government alarm gave me a goddamn heart attack. 😭

I’m trying to change the youth’s slang, I want them to say “That is Bubonic!” I have not worked out if it’ll be good or bad, that’s for them to work out.

I played life is strange when it came out, and it’s wild how much the stat changed, I recall people accusing a spoilery character in episode 2 being in the single digits, now in the remastered version it had more than doubled.

I’m rooting for an asteroid.

Soooo an indie game I’m playing had a loading screen tip to say that the player can report any bugs to the discord to help improve the game. How do I inform them that the button to take me to the discord is bugged and does nothing.?

I checked in on Twitter after that Dr Who episode, and if you only got your opinions from the discourse you’d assume the world was ending. It’s okay to be disappointed but some of those take are weird as hell. Like thinking the Doctor wouldn’t sacrifice himself for one person. He’s done it before

I really like that doctor who episode, It’s really fun when you don’t check what other people are saying about it.

The Cass Review gets peer reviewed and absolutely shredded Cass is the Wakefield of our time. A scandal in broad daylight

You may think a poundcake is named after the weight of the ingredients you put in to make it. But in reality it’s named after what Paul Hollywood did to my face with his fist hen I asked if it was worthy of a handshake.

The Flintstones setting is Stonepunk.

I would like to see Ian Hyslop tearing into the Shinra corporation in a “Have I got News for you” X “Final Fantasy 7 rebirth” crossover.

Serious question, how do F1 drivers avoid sneezing?

Me:

Pancake Tuesday coming right before my dental surgery is a curse.

I am so excited for my surgery. Having been in a constant pain since around 2019. I can’t wait to be finally free of these wisdom teeth.

*Worm one to Worm two* “Would you still love me if I was a human?”

Roses are red, Violets are purple, I can’t think of a rhyme, That’s my big hurdle.

I told myself I’d finish metaphor re:fantazio then have breakfast… This epilogue is never ending… I’m hungry from starving myself due to my idiocy.

People in my house wanted chicken pie. I made chicken thigh. Now I’ve booked a hearing test.

I can’t sleep and a badger walked up to the window. I’m now gonna be giddy all weekend because I know I’m in badger country.

This is the first time I’ve needed to perform a Cesarean for my Caesar salad.

I’m playing Metaphor Refantazio, and currently I’ve been captured by the Welsh for drinking someone’s bath water. 10/10 game.

Matt Bayton Is gonna be in Taskmaster?! He was my Man Crush throughout my late childhood and early adulthood 😊. youtu.be/rDS81S4_CWM?...

To the person who came to the door as a charity worker for an animal shelter, I’m sorry for saying that I was allergic to animals the truth is I’m just poor, And allergic to animals.

I got my first sex bot follower!

I’ve just spotted eleven magpies… what does this mean. I’ve already exceeded my gran’s extension.

I’ll tell you what, those three in Traitors are lucky, usually the rail replacement services take way longer than 4 days. It took me 2 weeks to get to Harrow on the Hill one time.

(Traitors Episode 2 spoilers) - - - - - So Armani is asking her fellow traitors to incriminate themselves… she’s got a very short term game plan. You need to plan you techniques around your fellow traitors tactics, not force them to support a weakness in your gameplay. It’ll ruin all of you.

Happy New Year. My resolution is to be more responsible with money… because this cost me £30… plus shipping.

Thank you all for the reaction to Paddington’s Christmas Shopping! If you haven’t seen it yet, it’s still on YouTube! youtu.be/-u1oKveuaOg?...

Do you ever get the feeling that your family understand your tastes on a guttural level?

Merry Holidays… wait no I effed that up. Happy Christmas… f*** it that’s close enough.

I just went to the opticians today. It was really fun in fact it was a Spectacle.

Paddington's Christmas Shopping will premiere on Christmas Eve at 8pm GMT. Featuring @terrier55stepney.bsky.social as Paddington Bear youtube.com/watch?v=-u1oKv…

This hotel was not designed for me…

Home made garlic bread (spoiler alert, it’ll be good, I’ve made my own garlic bread since I was 10)

Whoever left the wind chimes out during Storm Darragh… I hate you.

I don’t use Spotify, but if I did, my most played song would have been Survive from the Road 96 soundtrack. Which I play to give my brother a heightened blood pressure whenever I see him.

The good thing about Bluesky is that there is no console war nonsense when you follow video game stuff. The bad news is I have no one to tell about how off the walls I’m going about Sly Cooper 2 and 3 coming to the modern Playstations.

Since I’m playing catch up, allow me to reintroduce myself: Hi, I’m Matt! You might know me as the tall one from the purple-ant way gang, or that voice in that thing what you saw (I’ve been called other names, but none of them are very polite). Here’s me and some of my stuff!

He’s not gonna let me name the files any more.

I went on Twitter for the first time in a week and instantly got a anxiety spike and had to calm myself for a couple of hours… The current news is fun…

The taskmaster experience was fun, this moment was a highlight for sure though 🤭 (He did get it in first to be fair (when going legitimately)) @onemannoplan.bsky.social

People keep saying how they get way more interaction on Bluesky than Twitter. I’m equally unfamous on both of them. Although it’s probably best the crimes I made against pizza.

I have a friend in Argentina who translated a bread pudding recipe that they use into English for me… I love them for it 💜

I’ve been speaking to some of my American friends, absolutely none of them at doing well. If you have any friends in the US, you should check in on them too.

I’m so stressed, I’m not even American and I can feel my heart thumping out my chest.