Breaking the fast should be called Yum Kippur

I’m old enough to remember when Bad Bunny used to be called Wascally Wabbit

Oh man I would’ve loved to see the Kimmel monologue about this Kimmel news…

Updated dates for September and October 9/29 City Winery NYC is open to the public so grab your tickets now! More Speakeasy Magick dates will be added for October 🎟️ Ticket links in bio

I hope everyone enjoys #EDC in Vegas this week, and by EDC I mean: Eric Dittelman Cantpossiblybe40 @edittelman.bsky.social

Every mass now starts with: “Catholicism was invented in Chicago by the Pope and then brought to NYC by the UCB 4…”

My best joke from last night’s show: I love performing in Manchester. They say Manchester is the Las Vegas of New Hampshire. That’s a one way street tho…No one calls Vegas the Manchester of Nevada!

Was Hulu pissed Sean Baker said watch things in theaters instead of just on streaming? Is that why Hulu just ended their livestream right before Best Actress and Best Picture??? Hulu way to drop the ball!

I now have an Oscar winner in my demo reel! Congrats Kieran Culkin!

Jokers of Magic tour tickets are NOW AVAILABLE for the Elkton show on 3/15/2025. See @mindnoodler.bsky.social @edittelman.bsky.social Nick Diffatte and Mike Mills put on an amazing show in good 'ol Elkton, MD! buytickets.at/elktonmagic/...

Ah, I now see why Google changed their “don’t be evil” motto

If we stop printing pennies, pennies will eventually become rare and then become valuable again? 🤔

With the Chiefs losing we finally know why they took “End Racism” off the end zones. Mission accomplished

AI art is the modern day equivalent of clip art…Just because you can use it, doesn’t mean you should

In a surprise turn of events, it is actually I who will be proposing to Taylor Swift at halftime! (Does anyone have her number that they can give me?)

I love Gary Gulman’s show so much that I had to go again! I truly hope Grandiloquent lives on after it closes its off-Broadway run this weekend. Gary is a master of his craft and he injects so much humor and heart into this show. So thrilled for his success!

Super excited to be part of this Jokers of Magic tour with Mike Mills, @mindnoodler.bsky.social & Nick Diffatte! Coming to you this March, we have dates in Indiana, New Hampshire, New York and New Jersey with more to be announced! Ticket links in bio!

This Friday 2/7 I return to my home state of Massachusetts performing at Sanctuary in Maynard, MA! Would be awesome to see some people come out and see my full show! I’ve even got some new pieces to share with you! 🎟️ Ticket link in bio! 🎟️

“Have you been watching Traitors?” “That reality show on Peacock?” “No, on the news”

Oh great…Lady Gaga’s new release Abracadabra is about to become hack when it’s inevitably inserted into too many magic shows #Grammys

Best part of the #Grammys so far is Jim Gaffigan sitting with Todd Glass

Gonna get some face tattoos so I can be the next big country blues singer #grammys

Good day to rewatch the Indiana Jones movies. Maybe throw on Inglorious Basterds afterwards

TikTok is banned. In related news, American productivity is up 75%

Marvel Snap is a casualty of the TikTok ban? Ok, now we’re fighting!

So you’re saying the crowd size is gonna be small enough to fit indoors, huh? 🙄

I feel like they’re only banning TikTok so they can make puns on its name about how its time is running out

This show is in a couple of weeks! Buy your tickets now! Link in bio or at theparktheatre.org/eric-dittelman

It doesn’t matter what zone you’re in when you board a flight in certain parts of Florida because half the plane does pre-boarding anyways! 😳

UPCOMING PUBLIC SHOWS - TICKET LINKS IN BIO Three chances to see me perform some theater shows this month: 1/31 Jaffrey, NH 2/1 Plymouth, NH with @tomcottercomic & @dannaturman 2/7 Maynard, MA 🎟️Link in my bio for more details Grab those tickets now and tell your friends!!

It’s 2025 and I’m still writing checks…

This is gonna be a fun one! Come to City Winery NYC to see this amazing line up for Magic in a Bottle! I think this makes me a honorary member of the Wax family! Monday, December 23rd! Link in bio for tix!

Thrilled to be a member of the Speakeasy Magick cast. If you’re coming to the show, shoot me a message to see when and if I’ll be there. There’s plenty of opportunities to catch this most unique and unforgettable experience. Link in bio for tickets!

My new full time job is opening Black Friday emails I guess

The Warriors concept album was a good choice for my Thanksgiving drive today because it’s all about trying to get home. Also I love that there’s a song about hot dogs and mentions both Gray’s Papaya and Nathan’s 🌭

Gobble Gobble Gobble Fat Turkey Fat Turkey, I’m here for Thanksgiving I’m not here for…wait what now?!? -a Turkey singing this song for the first (and last) time

Apparently, there were some playback issues on Netflix during the fight last night… But what do you expect from a sport that’s known for Michael Buffer-ing

Tonight is the Mike Tyson vs Jake Paul fight I just did some VR boxing exercising and I’m pretty sure I lost… So same thing, right? 🤷

Happy National Cheese Pizza day! Not to be confused with National Pizza Day which was Feb 9th!. And then get ready for National Pepperoni Pizza Day Sept. 20th 🍕

Celtics are the champs!! ☘️

Today we celebrate Earth Day while eating matzoh for Passover So that where those Flat Earthers got their dumb idea from!

Well, Sky Peekaboo was fun!

If I remember my Heroes lore correctly, aren’t we all supposed to get superpowers tomorrow?

An earthquake in New York and I wasn’t there!? I don’t know why I even bothered to buy a bubblehead collection then!

Oh, your madness only happens in March? How cute…

“That’s a spicy meatball!” – anyone in Dune when they eat a regular meatball

Aw man, he didn’t even tell us which of the 50 was THE state of the union!

Finally saw all the 2024 Best Picture nominees. Here is my ranking: 1. Poor Things 2. The Holdovers 3. American Fiction 4. Oppenheimer 5. Anatomy of a Fall 6. Past Lives 7. Killers of the Flower Moon 8. Barbie 9. Zone of Interest 10. Maestro

Blaming my lack of incoming phone calls on the AT&T outage today…yea…that’s the ticket…it must be the outage…

Happy President’s Day to almost all presidents!