Had to argue with the food delivery guy that my traditionally masculine name is my name and I am not trying to steal someone else’s food Thanks for protecting my burger o7 (this is genuine, I’ve done food delivery and respect how hard it is)

Israel is committing genocide. Israel is committing crimes against humanity. Israel is committing war crimes. Israel is committing ethnic cleansing. Israel is committing apartheid. The collective actions of Israel against Palestinians is undeniably wrong. It is evil. It is indefensible.

“Dysphoria Be a Lady” from the hit musical T-Guys and Dolls

The crazy thing about this “be nice to the right wing to them over” thing is that I grew up in a right wing household that changed their opinion in the last few years I was never nice to them. I called them bigots and we got into arguments a lot It just took them realizing I was right on their own

Please subscribe to the Substack in my bio I don’t actually write it, it’s just transcribes every time I put my phone in my pocket and don’t lock the screen

Becoming a sovereign citizen but only for handing my ID to bouncers

We’re out here trying to (executive) function

How dare you tell me a secret. Why would you do this, you’re putting your trust in me? Lowkey think you just want me to tell people, it’s inevitable really

“immaculate vibes” i whisper to myself as i pee directly under the rim of the toilet

I love mouth guards because jocks deserve to be kinky too. Look at you with your little trainer ball gag.

I order lunch from a place aimed at body builders because I also put hormones into my body and need to intake a lot of calories I just wish they actually seasoned things. Does flavor inhibit gains?

The lighting in my work bathroom is awful but a coworker told me I looked snatched today so this gets posted no matter what

The lighting in my work bathroom is awful but a coworker told me I looked snatched today so this gets posted no matter what

Calling it now: The song of the summer? Townes Van Zandt’s cover of Dead Flowers It’s the perfect song for both the club and the beach

Calling my partner my “twin flame” because they stole both of my lighters

When I was younger I put a whiteboard up in my room. The idea was to put notes and reminders on there but I never did. Instead a few of my friends drew and wrote on it. One of those friends is no longer with us. I left the messages on there for so long they dried and cannot be erased.

Getting FFS and making the person who told me “I can’t see your eye shadow under your big brow bone” pay for it

i need ffs i need a million dollars i need a hot older man to make me feel like the prettiest woman on earth

One of these days I’m gonna not be so stressed and that’s the day I’ll make real steps towards my FFS… …right?

I bring a sort of lich vibe to the guild that the other wizards don’t really like

Somewhere in this country there is a witchy white girl doing a protection spell wrong and you haven’t extended her any of your energy. Shame on you

When the dystopia starts, how do you know what outfit is the correct one? Is it like “hey we are all gonna start wearing this leather” or do I get the option to go weird with it? You know what, I’m just gonna get the old timey baseball uniform now. Dress for the future you want

Nobody seems enthusiastic about me singing “Hot town! Summer in the city!” at them whenever someone mentions the heat

While “the US has an issue with thinking all parents will inherently want the best for their children” is a worthwhile argument, I now understand that screaming it in the Chuck E. Cheese parking lot was not ideal in terms of optics

Kyle Rittenhouse but like woke about it

Me, trying to get cancelled by the entire Bluesky trans cluster: You don’t have to take hormones to be a detransitioner

Easy pick. Meaningful in my relationship? Check! Nice and slow to start for a first dance? Check! Picks up a minute and a half in for everyone to join us on the floor? Check!

Currently getting kicked out of the record store for starting a “‘Sweet Home Alabama’ is a Neil Young diss track” discourse

All Crusaders Are Bastards includes Richard the Lionheart

The transphobe who is kind when you are clocky but nasty when you pass is a mindfuck So glad I was warned about this before the spiral

I got in trouble in high school for plagiarism. I’m not saying I didn’t do it or that I didn’t know it was wrong. What I’m saying is I got too comfortable copying others around me and it was the next logical step.

The year is 2185 The Meta tribunal calls you to the front A robed hand presses a button on a console, the content you reported appears on a massive screen. It is 90% slurs Another button is pressed. “NO ACTION TAKEN” appears over the comment The Zuckerbrain’s tank fills with bubbles of laughter

Chanting “Save me, large bodega coffee, save me!” until the incantation takes

He has risen! With the help of Bluechew! Use promo code ForgiveThemForTheyKnowNotWhatTheyDo for 15% off your first order!

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Can’t wait for summer. Just want to float in a pool Gatsby style

As antisemitism is the socialism of fools, transphobia is the feminism of idiots

Feeling like at this point I go to therapy because I have to go work and I have to go to work because I have to pay for therapy which I need because I go to work

Mike White’s silence after the fact is so much louder than the blaring dog whistles on that podcast.

Genuinely believe that the call for engagement has cooked the internet’s collective brains Asking people to comment on every video made people think that we care or want to hear it. I’ve spent a majority of my time on the internet lurking and shutting up

A lot of trans people have ADHD because we get partway through one gender and decide to start a new one.

Cunty clothes, take me home

I’m hitting the “Oh that’s where that is, I haven’t seen that in forever” level of needing to do laundry.

Body by B.E.C. (bacon, egg, and cheese)

Transition is spiritual and sacred.

Abortions are spiritual and sacred.

Bean counter is too cool of a name for someone who is just an asshole accountant.

I need a transition doula.