“How the actual fuck does this guy look scarier than my Dad?!”

“No.” She’s making it start to rain on command “That’s a much better environment for me. Everything feels nice and smooth.”

“…yeah.” She’s just doing this at the stranger

“I see a whole lot of nonsense in my day and age. Like people Using the names of mythical characters for their main characters. It’s like hearing Greg from Accounting fucked Bob the Builder. It doesn’t sit right to me.” Slowly begins to stare in the direction of the nearest Askrian summoner.

“You see, sometimes you must suffer to fully enjoy your success. And something like that sounds like a way to train against heat exhaustion in the desert.” Oh she is talking out of her ass

“Counterpoint, creating a darker version of something normally associated with a holy figure is badass as hell Exhibit A: Dark Knights Exhibit B: Fallen Angels.”

“Immortal god of murder To put them out of their mercy! :)”

“Well, time to call in my dad to get you.” Cue her doing this

“Asteroids. No matter how advanced you get as a civilization, those can be a massive hassle to nearby settlements if they are nearby. If they are big enough, destroying them leads to you finding materials like gold inside. Gold becomes circuitry, creation through destruction.” +

“…I’ll get you something you may like Forde.” She had to stop herself from saying a comment only her dad could make.

“We all engage in magic everyday The magic of not having a system that functions like Final Fantasy 2.”

“Could have fooled me…” She’s writing a note on a sticky note

“…alright then Harem maker. I’m just gonna waddle off.” She closes the book and sulks off

“Did I hear MAGIC?!” Oh god she’s got a big book!

“But in doing that you eliminate other things Murder always stems from aggression, or animosity. To get rid of that leads to those slowly becoming social taboos, or something to fester inside, until all of society lacks a backbone. To eliminate destruction eliminates creation that comes after.”

“But if you kill chaos, then order becomes absolute. Absolute order, even in a utopian sense, can easily slip into full control Lep. Be aware of that.” She’s shuffling cards, staring at one “…I can simulate some for you if you wish.”

Her jaw begins to break as a large crocodile snout emerges from her mouth, eventually speaking “Wawawawawa.” Oh she’s just being weird

“Hey. You wanna see something cool?” She’s smirking…that’s never a good sign

“Call me Freddy Fazbear the way I probably have a dead guy stuffed inside me in my bad ending.”

Sobek could not beat him, but Sobek would keep coming back, effectively just doing this until one of them gives up

“Would a made up creature be able to cause that kind of pain?” She’s smirking. Normally she would get told off for this being ungodly, but no one else saw it

“I…you…” She stared at him like he started speaking Greek again. “…tell me if this is real, alright?” Cue a punch to the solar plexus. Even if she was holding back, it’s still going to leave a bruise.

“…Is this [REDACTED] serious?” She’s gonna throttle him. She cannot be stopped.

“YOU SHOULD PSYCHOANALYZE YOURSELF NOW!”

((I can’t believe I’m having to type this, but do not follow me if your pinned tweet is literal missionary sex

“He’s doing…” They both hear a body fly overhead and the sound of a dragon ball theme song as a rat flies after “…work.”

“I DID IT! THEY NAMED A FLOOD PREVENTION SOFTWARE AND A COMPUTER OS AFTER ME IM ONE OF THE GREATS!”

“…I will send Super Saiyan Jerry at you. He’s already put Sol in the hospital.” She’s getting a text “…And sent Anne flowers.”

There is a rat in her house, just sitting on the table. There’s a weird air around it.

“You ever wake up with the ominous feeling your landlord is trying to will herself into existence with a new name Fuck you, you uncreative blonde and blue snow queen.” She’s flipping off a mouse

“My hungry ass could never be a surgeon.”

She’s sitting on a couch and staring at the ceiling, her eyes are almost blood red “…Doctor Who is British Tokusatsu…”

She’s getting hit with a hose stream “Bad croc! Ah!”

“I can’t tell you, like legally.” She takes out a lighter and starts to burn it

“Since this is one of the few holidays I actively observe, it’s time to smoke some of the good shit.” Whatever is in her rolling paper looks like glittery Cheetos.

“…Oh fuck we are gonna give them SlowFast.”

“Love you Forde.”

“Did…Did you get off to making an army?”

“There’s too much sex today I think it’s time to release my airborne disease that completely destroys people’s sex drives.”

“Just remember that folks, every god you see is based off a real person in some reg- AAAAAH AAAAAH OH GOD!” Oh hey the sun set her on fire

“Mods, unleash the Bastetlings.”

“I hate that the deer didn’t kill me. Healing these internal burns sucks because I can’t just splash water on it.” 🐍”Please just eat the apple sauce Sobek.” “…fine.”

“Because it took my sandwich Damn all deer to a million more years of being eaten by crocs.”

“The Deer Won, Spider Hyphen Man.” She points her tongue in the direction of a television, where a deer appears to be…shooting lightning from its antlers at some thugs

“The Deer Won.” She’s in a full body cast

Sobek appears to be boxing with a deer. Not even a godly deer or some modified one, just the wild animal. It appears to be a stalemate.

“Oh god I never should have ate that food…” Her crocodile form looks like an overinflated balloon, a crater below her where she transformed

🐍”Well I brought Sobek out, and now she’s eating every item in the Taco Bell menu.” It’s almost magical how the croc’s shoving entire burritos in her mouth with one motion. Some even still have paper on them

🐍”Remeber folks, if your wife is being a condescending prick, it’s ok to talk to her calmly and change the behavior I won’t do that, instead I’m exploiting Sobek’s claustrophobia and locking her in a sarcophagus.” There’s audible screaming from inside.