Not the invocation of the union steward, I’m howling (those magnets are on the file cabinets of all my favorite faculty)

Someone is trying to bait me on the internet, and I’M NOT ENGAGING, where is my gold star

Can't. I really fucked it up this time

Fuck AI! More vaccinated Muppets on solar-powered high-speed rail! This is the future I want!

Update: SCURVY AVERTED

I’m playing in a pit orchestra for community theater for the first time in 35 years, and it is SO MUCH FUN. Alas that I’m still fucking up solos in the Exit piece, but hopefully the audience is too busy exiting to notice much. Being the only French horn = zero plausible deniability. 😵‍💫

THE GEESE ARE ON THEIR BULLSHIT. Mating season has begun. The campus is a turf battleground with pedestrian casualties, as the feathered menaces’ rage spills from each other to hapless passersby. Beware the Pairs. I dare you to image-search “hissing goose tongue.” Go on. I’ll wait.

I’ve been orange-blocked by the po-po. Woe. I shall be a scurvy dog.

once more I have gotten water from the office cooler with the sincere intent to hydrate only to wind up giving most of it to my plants, oopsy daisy

Can we talk about how deeply fucked up it is to use This Is Me, an anthem sung by a fat bearded woman in defiance of oppressive appearance standards, in an ad for weight loss drugs?

*screams in CLAS*

Okay, so my precise age is: too young to have really known who the Muppet Special Guest Stars were in the 1970s, and too old to really know who they are now. Cool, cool cool cool. The "rats singing in the alley" sketch was so brilliant, how did 2 minutes of surreal lunacy go SO HARD

"If you only listen to the words here, you’ve missed most of the scene." OMG, this analysis is so good. So. Good.

Nooooooo, not my sky puppies!

The Boss weighs in.

I broke at the final line and then couldn’t rein it in for a full minute. Terribly unprofessional office behavior. *giggles*

❤️

Hmmm, I don’t see @laurenunderwood.bsky.social ‘s name here, yet. Guess I’ll contact her office again.

This is the horniest description of Special Counsel I have ever heard, and I am 💯 here for it.

If Tammy Duckworth asks me to sign one more petition I swear to god

Does AI now stand for Actual Incel? Beg all you want, bitch, I’mma go fuck a vintage typewriter

It’s 2F outside, I do not want to go to work, A Lament

My spouse is pondering whether to attend an event in Philly or Seattle, and now I shall lobby for Seattle. I CACKLED omg

There’s some good in this world, Mr. Frodo, and it’s worth fighting for.

I love this thing so much. Best performance yet was backing up my cousins’ kids during their passionate rendition of This Is What It Sounds Like from K-Pop Demon Hunters.

I… I do not have time to watch Black Sails again Or do I 🏴‍☠️

I made it through the holiday concert I hit the high Gs I did not screw up my soloooooo It’s a Christmas miracle, god bless us every one 📯

She’s finally heeeere! ❤️🎶❤️

WTF, really?! LOL

This is amazing.

It just occurred to me that half the reason I can’t enjoy Christmas anymore is because Christians have inflicted so much misery on everyone — under the guise of preserving “Merry Christmas.” No, the Holidays aren’t Happy. You made sure of it. My rage is molten.

Go watch Wake Up Dead Man and then read this thread. 🌟

Ooo, this is an interesting thread. Wow.

Santa delivered a heated cat bed today. Cranky old man approved it instantly and has not stirred for the last two hours. Usually he bullies one of the kids until they drop whatever they’re doing to make a blanket lap. Merry Christmas, ya butthead. 🎁

It’s nice to have company on the hill I’m dying on.

Art. I would not have believed crocheted calligraphy could look so good, A++

Today was a pretty good day. I bitch about everything all through December, but I started the morning with a laugh, received an amazing compliment, got a present from a coworker, made a lunch date, and listened to some new music. Gonna finish the week strong.

If I want to talk to my dead grandmother, I will use a ouija board as god intended, you fucking ghouls.

we are barreling towards the solstice, and I can feel myself turning into SUCH a grimy little goblin perhaps a shower will help

how does my high G sound even more like ass this week than last week ffs #frenchhornproblems

WHY MUST PRIVATE ACQUISITION ENSHITTIFY EVERYTHING, MY GOD. NfG has gone straight to hell since Bonterra acquired it. Their latest software update (now, with helpful AI!) has rolled out ROUGH. Half our Board can't log in. Oh, and the price has increased 30%. Donor management software recs, anyone?

It appears there is a group of Santas doing civil disobedience in downtown Chicago while demanding "a city budget for the money not the few." The Santas want billionaires to get taxed. So say we all. Source: www.facebook.com/reel/1415480...

This is adorable.

This, goddammit.

gosh, those KPop Demon Hunter songs are really catchy, why did absolutely nobody warn me

LRP: I’m just gonna park that there so that I can revisit it when I need a pick-me-up.

not Ken Jeong in the crowd with his phone camera out like the proudest dad???? I’m crying??????????? this gave me so much serotonin

The accuracy

I am warm and safe and full of good food and surrounded by family that I love and truly, truly so grateful.

Happy Addams Family Values Day to all who celebrate.