I joined FA and thus this community around abouts 2011. And it's where I've always felt home. Where I've felt accepted and free to explore with my art and share it with others. It's also the only place I've seemed to find any success in my life. A way to make money to live.

I'm tired, really tired. But I can't sleep no matter the amount of pills the man gives me to cope with the same pain the man deals to me. I don't know. And I really mean I don't know. I've lost my voice and the colour in my eyes. I just lived and I didn't know it deserved this.

This is the longest I've gone without making art. It makes me sick. After so many years of being Jager to being forced to not be. I miss you all so much, really I do. I have a few very close trusted friends of ours helping me through this, without them I would likely be dead, that is the truth.

I used to see Intercision as such a intimately cruel thing, and was glad that it was just fictional. But I've found that it really does exist in reality, along with all the clinical "it's for your own good to remove the evil"-ness. I really hope I'm not dead in there. Really.

Support has dried up enough that I cant buy food any more, which was to be expected I suppose. I just don't know what I'm supposed to do any more.

If I make it through this I want to live, I want to go to BFC and all the others, I want to be me.

What do you do when you aren't able to exist and there's no fighting back, no escaping? I just keep being left with the same answer daily and I don't know how to act on that while I still barely have the autonomy to. I need the innocent days, of expression and exploration. For me, they're a memory.

Pride hits a lot different when you're actively being repressed and told to stop interacting with a community.

I miss everyone, I miss existing, I'm worried that I'll be forgotten or worse. The challenges I'm facing, I feel like a bird under 100ft of water being expected to swim. Everything is wrong, and I can't do anything about it.

animal otherness 🌀 [ #autism #transgender #therian #otherkin #furry #xenogender ]

I really can't take the stress of the situation I'm in any more. Really, if you knew exactly what. But I'm not even sure if I can legally say what. Like really. I'm sick.

Also wanna add that if you see accounts, like on telegram, pop up saying its me, it's not me. I'll let ppl know when/ if I get new stuff.

I posted this earlier but deleted it. I've written a billion drafts and deleted them. This is all my brain keeps doing about literally everything and its made me very sick. So this is what I'm going to do. I'm going to state the facts.

Why is being free to be me so hard to ask? Why does everyone else get that right but me? Legitimately, something is wrong. This reality isn't the real one is it. Something happened, none of this is real. I Don't know how to get out.

I need to tell people and I'm still not sure how to do that yet, but I need to. I have entirely lost access to my PC and all files etc with it and no longer have my own home and it will be like that indefinitely. I have no control over this. The bottom line is, I can't be Jager.

Sorry for the mess around. I'll be looking at the forms given in for commissions in a bit and picking them for the month and letting people know if I've picked their's. So you have an hour or so if you wanted to put in the last minute form lol.

I'm going to give a blanket statement, this isn't at any individual, it's just because this keeps happening. I am very very grateful for the support. But do not give me money as a gift/ tip without me asking and then ask me afterwards to give you or some one else a commission with it.

If the anime's opening doesn't have way too many crows in a grey urban setting then I don't wanna watch it.

Don't normally do this but since it's been a long time it feels like the thing to do. I've openned commissions for the month: barnyardbulge.com/commissions/

Aight, I'm back. Sorry for disapearing but I was away for Christmas at family's. Anywayyyyy... I wanna draw animals taking fat dumps in their pants, I have withdrawal. But also for those keeping up with my "situation" it got very end game very quickly.

Let's continue posting art >_> Here's that one of Lola having an embarrassing accident during a game.

Legit me www.youtube.com/watch?v=G811...

I uh, sorry for the other posts. I took a very long time to reflect and I think I owe it to everyone to just,like others have said, put one foot in front of the other and not lose my shit. It's a mental tight rope fr, but I forget I have people helping hold me up.

I think I'm going to have to pause my subscribestar, patreon, in general everything indefinitely. I'm in some pretty serious danger to be honest and things got a lot more complicated than I imagined. I'm not getting the help I need as fast as things get more fucked up.

Legitimately every clip of Marvel Rivals I've seen is the whole team getting spawn killed.

// messing soiling is a spectrum

Christmas Throwback: Classic Baby Antics.

It's amazing just how spot on it is that everything a YTer gets paid to advertise is a scam. Companies straight pay to let you know not to trust them.

This version of VI is honestly hot AF and a massive vibe I wish I could pull off IRL

💫 anyone need a babysitter gf? 💫

When can I post the super under-rated non-video game music?

I'm a horse

If you've subscribed to me under the Big Bulge Maker tier on SubscribeStar, could you message me on there or message me wherever (along with your subscribestar user) and a reference to your character for your tier reward, thanks!

amberbabybold.bsky.social really shouldn't be playing with pointy things and especially shouldn't be having to deal with all those grown up duties. Being in charge of making big pushies is much more appropriate.

Honestly, just because I've never done it before and I'm curious what people would ask. TMI tuesday. Ask me anything 🐴💬

toyapup.bsky.social = 🐮 because only 🐮 wears 🐮🔔 It's just common sense really.

I'm in a be a dog and just lay my head on your lap while you pet me on the sofa kinda mood.

I know not many people knew/ cared about Farm Fatale. But I enjoyed the time making it, it taught me a hell of a lot and was made in just over a month as a sort of April Fools BR game. But it turned out to be fun and quite competitive. But here's some development pictures I found.

When working on commissions for the layout stage I like to do rough sketches after 3D work to work out composition, posing and values. This one had a few posing ideas before the final.

I wanna do this purely because there's a load of amazing tracks that legit deserve way more attention.

If they unwolfify Warwick like they're unmechanising Viktor, Imma lose my shit.

My new name is "Bitch" I don't do TF/TG often and stuff... so it was fun to do this.

Alenn, loin cloths doesn't work too well as a potty 🤦

I certain gargoyle found a more fun way to use their 3rd ability

I just wanted to say: Thank you so much to the people that have subscribed to my SubscribeStar to help me bring back The Barnyard and continue to make art. We're nearly half way to the goal already!

I seemed to have gotten lost in the wilds of Exmoor with the fog rolling in thicker and the deeper I went, the more I became just another part of the local wildlife~ #tfeverday