Picked 10 pounds of cherries today. You wish you were me.

Just picked 2.5 pounds of green plums to make Midwest Umeshu. I bet you pressed a beg button today.

Picked 20 pounds of berries today. I bet you fucking mowed your lawn, didnt you?

This is what Signal is for

Whoever decided this in Parks was like; I heard there’s an El Niño this year. We should make this place hotter.

@clifmars.com better know I love him if he’s got my ass up at 5 to stand in the rain for him

I’m a simple man, that grows potatoes in multiple different methods

Not having streaming/cable is hilarious when it comes to commercials. Free tv channels from the smart TV just send me whatever. So I got a Kate Sweeney Bell and a Lindsey Graham ad in the same commercial break.

Parent hack: Have an 11 year old who refuses to clean his room? Let him have a girlfriend. They FaceTimed one time and she dogged him so hard he’s in there cleaning it.

New idea to increase early voting numbers. When you vote, VAN updates and tells campaigns so they stop mailing you crap.

Anyone wanna buy a short bus with me?

I miss you miller lite punch top cans

Just need everyone to know that @cryptidrespecter.bsky.social is mowing right now

Many people are saying

My wife has our baby playing with a pill bottle like we’re the fucking Wild Whites of West Virginia.

Someone give me $20k to start a movie rental store

We should make drinking in front of establishments a thing again

Welp, rain stopped. Time to bike to pick up chinese food

Fuck this thing rules.

Really funny intersection I saw in Ohio today. Curb cut to no where. Pedestrian crossing signal hung next to a “no pedestrians” sign. 20 feet from a sign reading “prohibited pedestrians, farm equipment, animals, bicycles, and motorcycles under 5hp”

Opened Threads for the first time and please tell me this is a bot?

Back alley deal for tobacco starts

BING BONG

Lock in

What do you mean I can’t ChatGPT a Grok statue in minutes? You mean I have to pay an artist? Gross

My kid pulls packs of blackberries out of the fridge like they’re cigs. He sat down and went “first pack of the day” and sighs.

Checking for ticks at Brown County State Park camp site 357. Stop by and I’ll check your undies.

My grape vines are producing grapes for the first time ever. Nothing can bring me down from this moment

Exactly one year ago today:

Found out you can get your fishing license on a physical card from the DNR. You know I had to do it.

Gonna go apply to be a Mail Cop

Traded Ramp Kimchi for 4 loaves of bread

check out this sick set up I saw being used at a local park clean up. turns out you dont need to use trucks everywhere?

Sobro Liquors has the greatest beer on the planet for $20/case right now and I’m going to be all out before I even get this camper ready for next weekend.

Time to get fucked up at home boys

Thinking about mowing

“Sorry for any errors, I’m texting and driving” Is my new email signature

Oh look a pop up book store in my neighborhood. Clicks on profile All the books featured are AI cover bullshit. Cool, one less thing I need to try and fit into my schedule.

I’m making a tater tot hot dish and I’m so excited to see how my kid reacts to this dinner lol

No one needs Spectrums shit ass internet enough for them to be running multiple trucks for multiple hours behind my house at 2 in the morning.

Realistically, I shouldn’t let this tree fruit this year anyways, but I can’t help but protect it from a frost tonight.

Really easy day to say something that gets you a visit from your local police department.

Apparently we do fireworks for Jesus rising now?

Wouldn’t this be so much better if it was a Data Center Charter School authorized by Wawa?

Imagine being so worked up about MY opinion on your little political campaign that you seek out my family members homes to knock on their doors and say they know they are related to me. Dawg I don’t want anyone to win. The best option for the midterms is a meteor strike.

8:01am Mowing The neighbor was waiting for this moment.

I’m voting Denise Hatch for INHD7. I only trust someone willing to catch a disorderly conduct and illegal possession of a gun charge while in an elected position to be sent to Washington. Please stop calling me and knocking on my door now.

Investigative journalism