Someone asked me to make them a wooden pillory. Didn’t think about it until I was almost done but that’s a weird thing for my neighbors to see me building in the driveway

(David Attenborough narrating) at first the redevelopment created a windfall of excess resources. But as the gentrification took hold our dumpster diver found himself having to range further and further in search of scrap lumber

One time I was corking for a group ride and this driver was losing his shit and said he was on his way to the hospital and I was like “all the hospitals are behind you man. You missed your turn. You are going the wrong way” at least come up with a good lie.

Oh you drive a car? Let me ask you something. Can you tell me why cars don’t stop at stop signs?

They should make it illegal to crash a car into a building

You should have a mental list of your favorite trees. Not just like “sycamore” but specific individual trees. Big ones. Weird ones. If you don’t have that what are you even doing with your time? Do you not look around?

For some reason the 4 Blackhawk helicopters circling the neighborhood 250 foot in the air for hours on end don’t make me feel good

I am once again being persecuted* for my beliefs** *kicked out of the Eli Lilly employee parking lot **picking berries

The city heard our complaints about the lack of seating at Lugar plaza and responded. Oh what’s that you want to be able to USE that? Well I guess that’s a different request now isn’t it?

Woman (singular) wants me Fish are largely ignorant of my existence Dogs hate me

Ahh door dash discourse again. If you have ever ordered doordash (or any food delivery service) you are a little baby piss pants. Goo goo gaa gaa open wide for the airplane.

We met Joey C at a downtown Indianapolis bar after a pacers game and he called my brother in law the F slur

Fighting a bird for access to the best berries

If someone lets a pedestrian cross and you are stuck behind them they are basically stealing from you. In order to recapture that lost value you need to run the next stop sign or traffic light.

When bluesky was down the other day and only showed this screen I got a good laugh at all the off leash dogs in the park

I turned the catalytic converter scrapper thieves onto flock cameras. Two birds one stone situation. Now they are making way more money and also solving a social issue.

George Hornedo is replying to me personally via text weeks after I replied to his mass text spam calling him a carpetbagger

My dentist got a cybertruck and was trying to tell me about it so I pretended not to know what it is

Caught Grogu sneaking into my chicken coop to eat the hens food and beat him with a dowel rod

Why don’t cops ever close the stall door?

Charger driver just punish-passed me to immediate right hook into his driveway. Congrats dude I am going to come back here and throw a handful of sheet metal screws into your driveway every 6 months for the rest of my life.

Peonies

Wow Hamilton county (home of Carmel Indiana) is so progressive they put e bike chargers way out in the unincorporated areas.

Cheeks out at sunrise on the banks of the Mississippi River in Ramsey county Minnesota checking myself for ticks

Turn the golf course into a public sex forest

Coworker chided me last night for not knowing they were gay. Hey man I actually don’t spend any time thinking about what you do outside of here.

Saw a pepper in a flower pot with what I thought was some weird mold growing on it but upon closer inspection realized it was actually a bird stuffed in the pepper

Taking my first Amtrak+bike trip and one thing is immediately apparent: I am about to use this to start doing some really insane bike trips.

For Sunday baseball games they should get rid of the pitch clock and challenge/replays. I want to be at the park for 4-5 hours.

No (eyes roll back in head. Feet start levitating off the ground. Clouds roll in) pæŘķÏñĠ

Step brother can you check me for ticks

Happily married for many years now but downloading hinge and tinder as I understand them to be good places to post pictures of big fish I have caught

Just opened my GIS app and it was zoomed in on little saint James. What the heck was I doing last time I was using this shit?

It’s kinda wild how often when I talk about riding a bike between two cities people ask “do you ride on the interstate?” with complete sincerity. NO! There is a whole world out there with a pretty solid grid! You are missing out on so much of it because you only go zoom in car on highway!

Just watched one of my chickens pull a big worm out of the ground, eat it, and then immediately drop a giant turd. Birds are so cool.

Just watched a guy make a right on red from New Jersey to Mass Ave which required crossing the green-lit Michigan traffic since it’s a 6 way intersection.

The Fatal Crash Review Team recommendation is to cut down all trees

Saw a crow chasing a bald eagle as I crossed the central ave bridge over fall creek

I wonder if the secret service agent who got caught jacking off at work is the same one who came to my house to talk about how funny my posts are

Glad they came and cut down all of the trees at Ensign Graham Edward Martin Park. Really lets the pile of dirt that has been here for 5 years get the credit it deserves

I didn’t get invited to the walk/bike summit because they don’t appreciate my tactics so as retribution I will be punching the mirror off every car in the parking lot.

If you are in line to vote stay in line. It’s pretty early and there is a lot of time left to vote and lines are how we as a society take turns to do things.

Mud is looking really good this year

Wife and I are thinking about taking the next step in our relationship (getting a Costco membership)

Have been transvestigating my wife for about ten years now

It’s the month of May here in Speedway, Indiana and I am eating tamales with a dog behind a strip mall

In honor of May Day I will be no-call no-showing.

Can’t find my hatchet. Which is a pretty exciting thing to lose

Ripping the bikeshare so hard the computer didn’t know what to do

Neighbor just texted me to apologize about his dog barking at me non stop from inside their house anytime I’m outside putzing around. Hey man thanks. Definitely don’t get rid of that dog though. I’m sure it’s awesome to have around.