First beer tastes like the start of a new Wikipedia subsection

AI doctor prescribed me to drink 13 beers.

I love having a garden bed for cut flowers. Anytime you want a snack you can go out there and eat a few bees

Throwing rocks up and trying to get them to land on the flange of a bridge I-beam is fun, free, and wholesome entertainment. Hours and hours of possibility with low barrier to entry (must possess: rock)

My training is not cyclical or seasonal or oriented around any specific events. I am in a constant state of readiness for a beer Olympics.

Sometimes my cat will disappear for days at a time then show back up completely normal. I’m pretty sure she has another family.

Couple days ago a guy was trying to sound smart so he asked if there would be a “materiality” change instead of just “material” and I’ve been saying materiality to myself out loud every 40 minutes since then.

Bad time to confess that I have also used my penis to set your mom’s “garage” on fire?

Police eventually found the injured man sometime after the fire, where he'd actually been wounded in a stabbing in downtown Fort Wayne. 🔗https://tinyurl.com/ynfzwkbc 

Been a long time since someone crashed into the house at 16th and Delaware. Feels like it’s due

Is anyone aware of any negative externalities related to unregulated vehicle size creep?

Just watched a guy make a right on red from market to college and then realize it’s a one way and have to do a 7 point turn to spin back around

If I ran for political office and they did my background checks it would be dozens of women saying “yeah he’s kind of a piece of shit but he didn’t technically do anything wrong.”

I don’t believe that you have to reverse fans for winter/summer seasons. That’s just what they want you to do

Forgot to post it after it happened but last week I saw someone hit a parked car on Mass Ave too

Hey can I take a picture of you for my friend Nick? You look just like him except instead of being white he was one of the races

Mayor Joe just close passed me on the Monon wearing full kit riding an S works. No bell or anything.

China is creating contexts for workplace injuries previously unimagined.

I’m smarter than any AI. I have a job and a house and a wife and chickens. I have planted trees and cut trees down. I have made dozens of women cum. AI can’t do a single one of those things.

Indianapolis Bike Party will always be free to attend and will never send you a email

How do these rednecks still have fireworks to shoot off?

No better feeling than sending my wife something funny from the internet and then hearing her crack up in the next room.

Whoever can guess how many hot dogs I ate this weekend wins a vintage 2005 Pontiac Aztec side mirror

What do you think they keep the AC set on in the empty Indiana governors mansion

I dont respect the troops.

I’m gonna mow and then I’m gonna cut up the tree that fell in the storm last night and pour a bunch of chemicals on it so the still green wood will burn then I’m gonna drive the jeep 4 hours to a buccees and eat from a trough with all the other red blooded patriots.

Sturgill Simpson Dr, Greenthumb cover

You come into my house on the day Taylor Swift is to be married and you ask me to do murder, for money.

Pro tip: set the hose up on a mist above your house to cut down on air conditioning bills.

Turned the TV on and Good Morning America was playing. Some guy says “the price of ice cream is down 6.5%”. Well isn’t that just great fucking news.

Beer is the mind chiller

Let’s all go around in a circle and make one observation about the body of the person to our left

Just ate a 10oz steak on a patio in 115 degree heat index

Hey dude your mom always asks me about my fingers after Fourth of July. Am I missing some inside joke?

I’m running for marion county sheriff and my cost saving pitch to the voters is that I already have all the guns I could ever need

Was just at Kroger and this guy is at the register checking out and his kid runs up behind him and pants’d him. Dick and balls right out in Kroger.

Just watched a guy in a dodge ram hit a guy on a scooter outside the city county building

Egyptian cotton realtree sheet set 480 thread count

Saw someone really egregiously run the red at Alabama/Ohio and then turn into the city county building garage two blocks later.

Riding my bike in a problematic way

President Xi please just do it already

I stg I’m going to mount a belt fed 50 caliber to my bike to clear obstructions on trails

The national weather service has issued a warning about some extreme heat (picture of my new bike shoes which are plain black velosambas)

Just witnessed a hit and run at 25/Monon. Truck stopped and then jogger went and truck hit him. He popped right back up and truck sped off west on 25th. Blew the red. Gray 2015 era gmc Sierra.

Getting mixed signals at Lugar plaza

I’m really good at regulating my body temperatures and physical movements. I am average at best at regulating my emotional temperature and movements.

My brother has a friend who had a spine injury and he has to use a chair now and but he has a special car rigged up where he can still drive and he DEFINITELY drunk drove home from a party last night. That’s the true equality. Technology has enabled him to be just like any other American.

Guy at a stoplight had all windows down loudly singing along with Taylor swift and staring at me with his head out the window trying to get a reaction. I’m not acknowledging you man. It’s OK to be a pervert but keep it to yourself.

There’s no difference to how any of the fast-casual shrimp options feel once shoved up your asshole.

Benjamin Netanyahu…..there is a Hamas base under the Ruoff Music Center in Noblesville, Indiana and we need you to take action.