Atletico Madrid look absolutely hopeless.

I hope they've docked the wages of whoever managed to break Miley's leg IN TRAINING. I bet it was someone useless.

I'm absolutely delighted that I have zero interest in GTA 6.

Ok so now I think Not Dawnie might be 852Dude's kids' swimming teacher.

"I'm worried the Greens won't distribute wealth well enough like they say they want to" is a really weird concern to have when the alternative is Labour, Reform or Tory, who definitely fucking won't. Surely if you're in favour of wealth distribution, you vote for the one party which WANTS to do it?

Man City signing a central defender in January so he can single-handedly cost them the league title in May.

Spurs are staying up. Their final away game is at Stamford Bridge.

The Sensible Haircuts lead the Blind Barber Brigade by two goals to nil.

Just need Sels to save this penalty now...

This teenage winger playing for Chelsea. One of the worst haircuts you'll ever see.

Hahahaha Replied to someone who was moaning about @tfnufc.bsky.social "having a strop" on their podcasts with the below response. Been blocked 😂 Bunch of absolute fannies on here. #nufc

Really want Forest to beat Chelsea but they've put out their reserves 🙄

How to tell someone doesn't live in the UK:

Useless bastards.

Villa playing a weakened team. Well done lads, great one, letting Spurs off the hook. You had one job.

I'm getting proper fucking gaslit by people (journos) justifying Hall's removal from the first team. He's arguably been our best player of the season, ffs! We've seen multiple mistakes from other defenders and GK's. Also, Eddie saying certain players have never let him down?!?! #nufc

Better make amends with Lewis Hall then, because if Hall leaves he can get fucked.

Just catching up on Match Of The Day. If the only requirement for a footballer was to be able to cross the ball, Jacob Murphy would be world class. #nufc

Ah, I see NUFC win a game and all it inspires is different elements of the fanbase fucking snarking at each other 🙄 If you're "Howe in" you are not proven right after one win when we'd lost 9 of the last 12. If you're "Howe out" you can still enjoy & appreciate a win. Fucking get over yourselves.

GW35: Palace(h): W Leeds(h): W Wolves(a): D Villa(h): L Liverpool(a): L Brentford(h): L Spurs(a): W Man City(a): L Everton(h): L Man U(h): W Chelsea(a): W Scum(h): L Palace(a): L B'mouth(h): L Arsenal(a): L Brighton(h): W Predicted: 44pts Actual: 45pts Fuck me, a victory. #nufc

FUCK MY ARSE AND CALL ME BETTY, A WIN FOR NEWCASTLE UNITED AT ASSOCIATION FOOTBALL

Reserving judgement on this performance until we've seen the effect of the Eddie Howe half-time team talk, considering it's usually akin to anthrax. #nufc Also I'm at work and therefore not watching.

Won't be checking my mentions for a while since world class left-back Daniel Burn scored a goal.

A SECOND GOAL!? WHAT IS THIS MADNESS!? #nufc

Tbh I don't care if this is the 11 which are showing Eddie Howe amazing things on the training pitch. Because they consistently shit the bed on matchday, so what's the point? Jacob Murphy is Lionel Messi in training, is he? Well he's dogshit as soon as the whistle blows on a Saturday at 3pm. #nufc

Fuck off man. Just fuck off. #nufc

Outnumbered and Peep Show should have been on my list.

My predictions have Arsenal winning the league and Spurs staying up by a point, ahead of West Ham. Newcastle United in 13th. #nufc

0.1% chance of relegation. Newcastle United:

Name your top 15 TV shows ever, gut instincts only: Only Fools And Horses Porridge Scrubs Red Dwarf Game Of Thrones Wire In The Blood The Ricky Gervais Show After Life Friends Stranger Things Blackadder (II to IV) The Simpsons (until about Season 20) The Traitors Gladiators (1990s) Sesame Street

Great news. This revival has captured the spirit of the original.

If Eddie Howe honestly thinks we should sign FEWER players than we signed last summer, he needs to go. This squad needs a massive overhaul. Quotes like this suggest he doesn't want to do it. #nufc

If he leaves Lewis Hall out again in favour of Dan Burn, I'll be fully in support of Eddie Howe leaving the football club and taking his tactical ineptitude with him.

All in favour of this. We already need a right-back this summer. Tino is young, homegrown and can still improve. If he signs a new contract then happy days because his value is protected as well.

All very well the club identifying these as "priority positions" but Lewis Hall is STILL our only natural left-back, and if we don't strengthen the wing positions we are absolutely fucked. #nufc

This. Sick of losing every week, sitting in 14th, but being told by fucking nerds that our xG means we're doing ok. And I say this as a fucking nerd.

I think this about Jacob Murphy and Anthony Elanga all the time, just probably not in the same sense.

We've lost twice to Sunderland this season but are unbeaten in three Champions League matches against this PSG team. What a silly football club.

GW34: Palace(h): W Leeds(h): W Wolves(a): D Villa(h): L Liverpool(a): L Brentford(h): L Spurs(a): W Man City(a): L Everton(h): L Man U(h): W Chelsea(a): W Scum(h): L Palace(a): L B'mouth(h): L Arsenal(a): L Predicted: 41pts Actual: 42pts The inevitable loss at The Emirates. Relegation? #nufc

Things That Wouldn't Work In Britain, Exhibit A:

Will go down as the worst number 9 in the club's history, whilst also being our 3rd most expensive signing ever. Well done everybody.

Quick and useless, just how we like 'em.

Caught between bots and cunts on this app today. It's becoming more like X with each passing moment.

Any Arsenal fan actually bragging about scraping a 1-0 win at home against this God-awful Newcastle team, have a word with yourselves.

The first comment on this podcast is someone saying "the performance felt like a win" 😂😂😂😂😂 This fanbase is cooked. Brains have melted. Standards through the floor. #nufc

"I play tall guy because other team kick ball high. They score by kick low. I happy with decision." #nufc

Sorry I guess I just want an "elite" football manager's tactics to amount to more than "They're good at corners so we'll put all the tall lads on the pitch." #nufc

Play Burn instead of Hall to improve defending of Arsenal's corners. Concede from a corner; offer absolutely no attacking threat or provide any creativity down the left.

Descriptions of our performance have progressed across the course of the evening to "very good" now, apparently 😂

I can see the timeline this evening is going to be like when Jeremy Corbyn lost an election and all his supporters used it as evidence he could win an election. Another defeat today in which we failed to score is proof that Eddie's turning things around 😂 Probably best I log off.