Yeah, yeah, it is trauma, but like... look how functional I am. LMAO

Unpopular fursuit maker on Xhitter trying to find dirt on popular makers just screams insecurity. I’m sorry that the fursuit you make is as raggedy as your decomposing family pet. No matter how much you tweet, it ain’t going to make your fursuit look anymore pretty or bring Spot back to life.

Looking at the prayer plaques at shrines and feeling such a strong urge to make these wishes come true that I get uncharacteristically emotional. It resonates deep within me that my purpose is to bring fun and happiness to people.

I keep forgetting that this account exists despite having such a good @.

I think tiny young Kaz always knew that: - The world is wonderful - Absurdism overpowers nihilism - Smiles can exist in solemn moments

People who aren't raised in Japan won't quite get how cool it is for a Japanese song to use 魂 and have it be pronounced soul.

If I have to pick my favorite lyrics, it'd be: 駆け引きの世界で　僕が得たものを ダスタシュートに投げ込むよ 白地図を広げて　明日を待っていたい 目一杯の助走をつけて　あのボーダーラインを飛ぶんだ 風向きを味方につけて　猫背を気にしながら 生きてる証を　時代に打ち付けろ 貧弱な魂で　悪あがきしながら 何度へましたっていいさ　起死回生で毎日がレボリューション 人生はフリースタイル　孤独でも忍耐 笑いたがる人にはキスを そしていつだって I say yes I'll be there

I tossed a bag of wild clover seeds on the bald spots of my lawn, and now they are growing. it makes me happy.

the Body Keeps Score is getting better because it’s now talking about how a traumatized person can be helped.

A dark prediction I have is that they’ll start categorizing autistic people so that they can fracture unity the similar way to how they are trying to split trans people from lgbt.

How unethical is wasting startup time for interview practice?

I like my spirit form.

Socializing on the boat helped my mood immensely.

I’ll stop spiraling. Separate emotions from problem solving and survival. It’s what I have always done in life.

I feel bad when I flirt and simp for suitors and I lose interest when they take the head off or I get to know their personality. Not that they’re unattractive or anything, just that the character is what was driving my dopamine.

I should mind my own business. But just frustrating to see people getting poisoned by their inability to manage online interactions.

I constantly have to stop myself from tweeting with screenshots about how some furry’s reliance on social media to get validation is literally cooking them into a person that’s impossible to be liked beyond a very superficial level.

"I should get hotter..." I say as my work/immigration/financial life is collapsing around me.

I want to dress better again. I want to get those Burberry type jackets and look like a heartbroken rich boy in Ginza.

Couldn't sleep so I was practicing some algorithms. Surprised to still learn new ones.

I want to get even better at hard work. So much so that from the outside, I look as though I'm doing it all effortlessly.

The blessing of knowing that "I can't do this" is a mechanism to prevent one from feeling hurt by the difficulty of achieving, is that I KNOW I can achieve. The curse is that every door you decide to not enter feels that much more of a wasted potential. Above is a defence mechanism too, I'm sure.

It's so difficult to holistically manage life. If I focus 5 years of my life just making money, I'd be quite well set and probably can hold a high position at a company. But then I'd forget how to get good at my hobbies, I'd be behind in personality, and social connection.

Recently thinking hard about houses and therefore, their prices. I make great money, but given that I've only been working in the US for 2 years, I definitely do not have money to just throw at a house. Hearing the news of all OpenAI engineers getting $1.5 mil bonus over 2 years...

I wish I can lock my account. lol

Rebecca Sugar's Time Adventure is how I kind of view the world. And consequently, I can't NOT cry when I hear this song. www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xr53...

Orange is like a maybe but yellow is a yes. Most of what people see on the surface is me being pretty exceptional at masking. So well that I didn’t think it was possible for me to be autistic.

I feel like I’m extra watchful for symptoms of autism or alexithymia because when I realized that I was both, so much of my experiences made sense. So I guess I want others to feel the same way if they’re confused about their worldly experiences.

I should use this account just for stream of consciousness thoughts.

Oh when will I have locked accounts so I can use this account…

I kinda enjoy and hate the fact that I’ve got like 50 different hobbies and I’m a master at none of them.

I feel more comfortable accepting that I am fantastic around my friends. There is no need to be needlessly humble around people who already see your best qualities. I notice me making myself boring in front of people I have no interest in because... I don't want them to be interested in me.

Had a SUCH lovely time tripping with a few close friends. The best non-meditative trip I’ve ever had. 🥰

Absolutely no salt or hate towards people who did it, because I would have done so too. But curious if that is a contributing factor to why there are like 8 FC rooms available.

Does booking FC hotel a year in advance remove availability from the lottery?

Looking forward to the Thanksgiving break. I think I will try to organize the best that I can and set up a good foundation for a routine.

Being on-call is stressful but at least my company compensates me with $500.

Symptoms of ADHD has improved quite a bit even if I don’t take adderall. I’ve been fine for the last month where I stopped taking them. But I took one today and whoa, the focus and euphoria is crazy. It’s good to be cognizant I guess.

I can’t wait to get my Green Card because after that, I will change my name to Kaz Cóyotl.

Messaging on Slack used to be fun

Fed him a lot of grapes through the cage before the trapper took him away this morning.

I tried to haze a raccoon family so that they wouldn't come back, but most of the members got caught by the landlord's traps. Stupid things... I did my best to save them... *sigh...* I wish I can talk to animals.

Company stock went up insane amount. How much more I make in the next 3.5 years shot up. Hope it stays up there.

How I detect non-fluent Japanese speaker is to just use kansaiben. If they can’t translate it well or tell me that my Japanese is wrong, that’s when it’s an easy gotcha.

I thought this was funny. Also, this is like nitpicking games using the term “ghoul” to describe the undead.

I don't understand how I feel nothing internally but certain emotions of others just hit me so fucking hard.

I forgot the CEO of bluesky follows me in my main so I shouldn’t shit on it as a joke. Lol It’s a nice platform anyways.

I uh… stopped taking adderall. I’ve been practicing mindfulness and while I was on adderall, I really focused… so it seems like my neuro pathways to focus has strengthened enough that I don’t need it to function professionally.

Reflecting on my past behavior and learning more about how cynicism is not only a psychological poison but also a physiological one, I feel better about becoming someone who trusts people easily and often have a positive perspective to life.

I’m glad I don’t trust people in cars. I almost got hit by a dude kicking open his car door while I was on a bike. Gave myself just enough space to dodge and not get hit.