I will say, much as I'm enjoying the piracy in ASSASSIN'S CREED BLACK FLAG RESYNCED, there have so far been no missions where I blockade a strait thousands of miles outside my territory and impose a 20% toll on all shipping.

Clactu Faraga Nikto!

That was quick. One offending tooth extracted. And I can't feel a thing. Yet. #OneDownOneToGo Now, at number theven, Thethelia, by Thuggth.

Counting down to the Clacton by-election.

At least with Schrödinger's Turtle, there was some uncertainty over its health.

Traded in my Microsoft Rewards points, which were sitting there doing nothing, used them for a month's Ubisoft+ subscription*. And that, me hearties, is how you get ASSASSIN'S CREED BLACK FLAG RESYNCED (SPECIAL EDITION) without shelling out money you don't now have because of dentistry

Just seen Mitch McConnell described as: Rigor Tortoise. I certainly won't be scoring more internet points than that today.

The super-rich are loving life while the rest of us are only a missing payslip or two away from crisis. Vested interests will point fingers at anyone but themselves to divert attention away. But it’s time to tax extreme wealth now.

Oh noes! Shots been fired by the Islamic Republic Of Japan. Among the hopes I had, if World War III ever happened, was that it would at least be started by a non-fictional country.

I'm in the park, with nuts

Mitch McConnell is reportedly brain dead. Which puts him in a strong position to replace Trump as President.

Nicked from a friend: Bin Cuntface. Vote Count Binface.

The burning question for the electorate: Which candidate has a face most like a bin?

He should've just resigned and stood for re-election, the mad fool. www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

That's the line I would take if I was standing against him. Nigel Farage wants you to vote him back in so he can keep taking money from even richer people than him.

Farage calls it resignation. But TBH I'm pretty upbeat about it.

Studious Me Vs Cool Me. New specs arrived.

A little over a week has gone by and I still find myself glancing to one or other of Viola's favourite corners, thinking to check on what she's up to, how she's doing etc. Or I wonder where she's gotten to. Before reality kicks back in. Home has never felt so empty.

They've gone and staged a FORZA HORIZON Car Meet along Penzance Promenade. Excessively peopley and hot hot hot, so I couldn't stroll around for long, but broke up my afternoon nicely.

On its 250th birthday, the United States Of America is still a relatively young nation. Which explains why it's turning medieval, because it probably feels like it missed out on that whole era.

I love me some accidental comedy. Ep1 of THE BOROUGHS (Netflix), a character called, iirc, Ed, delivers the cryptic warning: "The Owl is in the walls." Me to a friend: "He's been doing too much Duolingo."

I'm still fed up to the back teeth with my back teeth. How meta is that.

And I just described my impending tooth extraction as 'reversing the molarity of the neuron flow'. Yep. After all this time, I'm still doing Doctor Who references. There is no help for me.

USAF Major Jason Watson was arrested for holding up a sign calling for President Donald Trump's impeachment on the steps of the U.S. Capitol yesterday. His was not vandalising the place and beating up on law enforcement officers, cos you're pretty much guaranteed a lesser sentence for that shit.

Verdict at the dentist: need two teeth extracted or root canals. Opted for the extractions (they're back teeth so won't ruin my smile) because otherwise I would've had to sell my Lamborghini.

Late lunch of two co-dydramol and two ibuprofen. Then headed off to the dentist. Never been so glad of a dentist appointment before. #whowillridmeofthisturbulenttoothache

Ha! I know a trap when I see one.

RIP Justin Richards. You not only commissioned my first ever novel, opening a door I'd dreamed of since the tender age of 11, but you trusted me and gave me the creative room to write that novel in my own newbie voice. I owe you big time and you're an inspiration and a mentor I'll never forget.

When you build your world around two beautiful cats for most of 20 years, you know your world is gonna fall apart at some point. But you know you wouldn't have done it any other way.

From kittenhood to sofa-based inactivity supervisor to senior sink moments, loved you through it all, Viola. Said goodbye to the Princess today. We'll be saying goodbye to her for some time to come. Rest in sweet peace, baby girl.

Make Algae Great Again

I have to say, it's making me feel a little insane hearing commentators say Ed Miliband shouldn't be chancellor because of his "ideological zeal" for Net Zero, in a week where temperatures are so extreme that my kids are being sent home early every day and it's regularly 30 degrees inside my house

Saw a post saying "Rate Trump's new haircut." Gonna assume vandals did it with a box-cutter.

It's so hot today, cruise liners are looking for icebergs to crash into.

I've got a *lot* of smokin *HOT* friends today. #LookingOnTheBrightSide

Somebody having a 250 foot slash in the Reflecting Pool would take a lot of piss but not half as much as is being taken out of the US public.

Ok, for the sake of argument, let's say it was vandals. So... what does Trump do to vandals who attack major Washington landmarks? What's that you say? Pardon?

Couldn't simply port over my livery designs from #ForzaHorizon 5 but my decal designs were transferrable so of course I had to put my #DoctorWho Mini Cooper paint job together again for #FH6. The Mini is the ideal vehicle for this livery. It's that boxy Britishness combined with its classic status.

It's days like today I'm reminded of that time I tried to balance my household finances by nicking money out of my gran's purse and cutting my disabled sister's allowance and wondered why I'd become so unpopular all of a sudden.

Penzance Boating Pool. Twinned with Washington DC.

Inspired by a throwaway pun on another friend's FB page, I give you... "I AM THE POND SCUM LAW!!" JUDGE DREDGE.

Stupid me. I blinked and missed when the Strait Of Hormuz was open.

The poor amoeba has found very little to feed on across the United States. Please give generously and help feed this endangered species.

Will Liz Truss never shut the fuck up? I imagine in thousands of years time, some unfortunate expedition will unearth what they mistake for an alien seed pod from the Antarctic permafrost, only to discover that, nope, it's a fucking lettuce still with a lot to say.

I knew Burnham would see off the inane dunces of Reform.

Mon Mothma: "Many Bothans died for this information." Lone voice in the crowd: "At least they died for *something*. Have you seen the key points of the Iran-US deal?"

While I'm grateful to #ForzaHorizon6 for the update to correct aggressive AI drivers, when are they gonna do something about aggressive human players? Multiplayer racing is still a nightmare cos of other players. The races penalise you for crashing into walls, but lets active rammers go unimpeded.

Trump wanted the Reflecting Pool to be American Flag Blue. So, all in all, green ain't that bad. Could've been worse. It could've turned Post-Brexit UK Passport Blue.