Enough of the ‘take back control’ and ’will of the people’ nonsense. If Brexit has been a success then Farage should come out and defend it. £5m says he won’t.

‘This week I will again be pandering to the right wing media, Rupert Murdoch, tax exile billionaires and associated grifters by denying what a disaster Brexit has been.’ #LauraK

The new James Bond looks a bit shit.

I’ve been patriotic today by staying at home and posting about how shit Brexit is. 🇬🇧🇪🇺👍

Farage says he’s “going all” in on Markerfield so that’s somewhere he’ll be spending time rather than his own constituency.

JHB is going to lose her mind when she learns about Farage’s £5m bung. 🙄

How do the flagwanking ‘patriots’ feel about a man who doesn’t live in the UK or pay taxes in the UK coming over here and interfering with our politics?

“I believe that a man who can afford to give £5m to Nigel Farage, as the leader of a political party in the UK, should live in the UK and pay taxes in the UK.”

Is there a Starmer lettuce yet?

‘The man that gave me £5m, which I pocketed without declaring, lives in Thailand, over there, so like a true British patriot doesn’t pay taxes here… but anyway let’s crack on with flagwanking and not talk about it.’

If Brexit had gone really well and everything was great as a result I could kind of understand people voting for Farage. But it hasn’t and I can’t.

Farage is so smug today he might literally explode… here’s hoping.

Morning.👇

St George’s Day. ‘Patriots’ flagwanking over some bloke they’d now happily deport. 🙄

Today I technically no longer have any children. I have successfully* jointly parented three babies to adulthood. I feel old. * Caveats apply.

The possibility of Robert Jenrick ever being in government again should immediately disqualify Robert Jenrick from ever being in government again.

‘This morning I will try not to gloat too much about Starmer’s problems with Mandelson or be too gushy over Robert Jenrick… it’s going to be tough.’ #LauraKuenssberg

Farage 2016: “Take back control of our borders.” EU 2026: ‘We’ve taken control of our borders’ Farage 2026: ‘Bastards!’ www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

Flat Earthers are having a bad week.

There are some many layers of hypocrisy and stupid in this it’s like a bullshit baklava.

‘I think FIFA are a bunch of grifters.’

‘He’s not the Messiah! He’s a naughty boy!’

Reform housing spokesman Simon Dudley on Grenfell: “Everyone dies in the end” and “fires happen.” And these are the people that could be the next government. Unbelievable.

Unexpected outcomes of attacking Iran #4,237: The UK rejoins the EU and everyone apart from Farage and the Daily Mail shrugs their shoulders and says ‘seems sensible’.

“Right! Right some more! Further right!”

“I changed the clock on my oven easily.”

“Yes sir, I know you came especially to see Mr Farage but he’s away grifting. Don’t worry he’s on next week and the week after though.”

Shadow chancellor Mel Stride called the economic outlook a "damning verdict on how vulnerable our economy is thanks to Labour… Rachel Reeves can blame the world all she wants, but it's her choices that have weakened our economy at the worst possible moment". She voted Remain. Sit down Mel. 🙄

Dog: ‘Woof! Woof!’ (I’m inside and want to go outside) Me: “Out you go” +1 minute. Dog: ‘Woof! Woof!’ (I’m outside and want to come in) Me: “In you come” +1 minute. Dog: ‘Woof! Woof!’ (I’m inside and want to go outside) Me: “Out…” [Repeat endlessly for the last hour] My dog is a twat.

‘LABOUR HAVE RUINED THE ROYAL NAVY THROUGH UNDERINVESTMENT!’ shout the Tories. Time from ordering a Type 45 destroyer to commissioning = 12 years Number of Tory PMs in the last 12 years = 5 Performative bullshit.

Reform will also repeal slavery, universal suffrage, brown bread, avocados, lattes and the colour pink as they are all woke nonsense.

Kemi Badenoch explaining how the war she did support before not supporting it, then supporting it but with caveats, until she did kind of support it, but not really… [repeat] … is the government’s fault would be hilarious if it wasn’t so typically ridiculous. #PMQs

Crispin Blunt. A wrong-un? Who would ever guessed?

Tottenham losing.

Yep, move on and leave me alone!

Arsenal only score boring goals from set piec…. [checks notes]

After a disastrous PMQs Spurs have asked Kemi Badenoch whether she wants to play in goal for them.

List of people who are/were Winston Churchill: 1. Winston Churchill 2. See #1.

Badenoch isn’t Churchill either.

Ukrainians watching other countries failing to shoot down Iranian drones.

Last week: pothole = new tyre This week: pothole = new tyre to replace the new tyre from last week. Nottinghamshire’s Reform Council: We won’t be fixing potholes because we’ve spent all the money on flags. 🤬

Ahem, Daily Telegraph, remember this?

Blue Peter has taken an ominous turn.

Man who cuts his own hair with safety scissors spouts bollocks. UK should send non-combat troops to Ukraine now, former PM Johnson tells BBC www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

Nigel Farage has been uncharacteristically quiet about commenting on people being investigated for misconduct in public office. Just saying.

‘There’s a nonce in D Block who reckons he used to be a prince.’

Is he sweating yet? www.bbc.co.uk/news/live/c7...

They ought to U-turn on Brexit and give Farage the credit for it being a shitshow.

Unless the pedo has moved into a prison cell I really don’t care.