After a disastrous PMQs Spurs have asked Kemi Badenoch whether she wants to play in goal for them.

List of people who are/were Winston Churchill: 1. Winston Churchill 2. See #1.

Badenoch isn’t Churchill either.

Ukrainians watching other countries failing to shoot down Iranian drones.

Last week: pothole = new tyre This week: pothole = new tyre to replace the new tyre from last week. Nottinghamshire’s Reform Council: We won’t be fixing potholes because we’ve spent all the money on flags. 🤬

Ahem, Daily Telegraph, remember this?

Blue Peter has taken an ominous turn.

Man who cuts his own hair with safety scissors spouts bollocks. UK should send non-combat troops to Ukraine now, former PM Johnson tells BBC www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

Nigel Farage has been uncharacteristically quiet about commenting on people being investigated for misconduct in public office. Just saying.

‘There’s a nonce in D Block who reckons he used to be a prince.’

Is he sweating yet? www.bbc.co.uk/news/live/c7...

They ought to U-turn on Brexit and give Farage the credit for it being a shitshow.

Unless the pedo has moved into a prison cell I really don’t care.

According to the Express Brexit has gone so well that we just need more Brexit to make everything tickety-boo and dandy. 🙄

“People utterly unsurprised that Suella Braverman has joined Reform, Sir. All of ‘em Sir.”

‘This week when I interview Nigel I won’t be asking him about his 17 breaches of the MP’s register or the £380,000 he’s failed to declare. Obviously.’

Today would have been a great time for Starmer to announce we were rejoining the Custom Union and the Single Market.

Lib Dem source: “Just 45 more Tory defections until Ed becomes Leader of the Opposition.”

“We were talking about all these Tory MPs going to Reform weren’t we Roy, and what did I say Roy?” “You said: ‘Flys round shit!’”

Rage Against the Machine were unspecific about which machine they were raging against… my money is on a printer.

Nadhim Zahawi, another man of the people, joins Nige’s company. 🙄

“You boy! What racist, dog whistle fuckwittery have Nigel and his Russian mates come up with today?”

Rule of thumb: if you’re unsure whether something is a good idea or not see what David Frost has to say... The opposite will invariably be true.

Do Brexit too.

Man who was a UKIP and Reform MEP claiming to hate the EU, and that Brexit wasn’t funded by Russia, accused of taking bribes from Russia to support Brexit while a UKIP and Reform MEP, at his home in the EU. 🙄

“…and being sued for £1Bn does mean that the BBC will have to show more repeats of Mrs Brown’s Boys… sorry from everyone here.”

“Just fucking phone Nunes, tell him we’re very fucking sorry and ask him to come the fuck back!” #nottinghamforest

Massive American Golf Agony 🤣 #MAGA #RyderCup

And straight in at #1 on the ‘Fuck me this is going to be tedious!’ chart is the prospect of assembling a bbq. 🙄

“Today I will be speaking with Nigel Farage and we’ll both be looking pretty smug.” #bbclaurak

Number crunching: Value of reduction in US tariffs for UK companies per year as against EU members v fall in UK exports per year due to Brexit From the new Private Eye, out now.

BBC news article in which Political Editor Chris Mason reveals high level Labour discussions, including Starmer and Reeves, about rejoining the EU 🇪🇺 as a way to counteract Trump’s tariffs!!!! No… not really… that would be sensible. 🙄 www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

Rejoin. 🙄 🇪🇺 www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

‘Okay you’re wearing a dinner dress suit but have you said “Thank you”?’

“We were talking about Marine Le Pen being found guilty of embezzlement and so what did I say Roy?” “You said: ‘They should do Farage next.’”

“You boy! Get me added to the secret Signal group chat that explains how to move the oven clock on an hour!”

Not mine but too good not to share.

“WHICH OF YOU ADDED BLETCHLEY PARK TO THE ENIGMA GROUP CHAT?!?!?”

“Hegseth added me to a group chat and so I knew you would be here.”

Top tip: If you’re selling a phone on eBay make sure you include a picture of the screen with the serial number clearly visible… that way some sneaky git can’t claim you haven’t sent the phone in the listing & demand £100 back. 👍

“Some of you may die, but that’s a sacrifice I am willing to make.”

I’m sure there is a German word for this. 🤣

7 7 7 7 7 7 7-1 #TheMightyArsenal

Canada isn’t fucking about 👍 #StandWithUkraine

Yep. Who’d have any other dog than a Labrador?!

Man who famously WFH or is playing golf upset that people WFH or are playing golf. 🙄