I’m just a Strait but even I recognise fuckwittery when I see it. 👇

Still haven’t worked out how you’re getting out of here have you?

HORMUZ in Scrabble points = 20 HEGSETH = 14 TRUMP = 9 Just saying.

Trump & Hegseth: we’re not dealing with Churchill.

I liked it best when most of you hadn’t heard of me.

I’m old enough to remember when you lot just talked about the Epstein files and about me.

British comedian Spike Milligan once said: “There’s no plan so nothing can go wrong.” I think Trump and Hesgeth have disproved this.

“short-lived” for me George. I’m millions of years old* * Which makes the WH ignorance of me even weirder.

I’m assuming maps and atlases have been deemed ‘woke’ by the White House and no one bothered to look me up before they began this shit show?

I’m finding constant global discussion about me being ‘blocked’, ‘closed’, ‘gummed up’, etc disconcerting. My constipation is no one’s business but mine thank you.

As someone has asked I can confirm that all Straights are straight but we are also allies. 🏳️‍🌈

To be clear I am not enjoying this. The other Straights (Gibraltar, Dover, Malacca…) are now getting pissy I’m getting all the attention. They’ve even removed me from the WhatsApp group chat. Go away and leave me alone!!!

Not to be big headed or build my part up, yes there are other Straights but they don’t have 20% of the world’s oil passing through them.

I’m important through a combination of economics and geography. He’s important because you voted for him. Don’t get pissy at me.

You’re only interested in me because it’s going to cost you money. You didn’t care about the genocide because it didn’t impact your wallet.

So you have either won or not won, won biggly, want to win some more, won but there’s more winning to be done… whatever I just wish you would leave me in peace.

Look, I’m not the bad guy here.

Thinking I need a better PR agency.

The other Straights (Gibraltar, Dover, Malacca…) are getting pissy I’m getting all the attention. They’ve removed me from the WhatsApp chat.

It’s nice and quiet tonight with none of those noisy great big tankers chugging along.

I might swap with a Norwegian fjord for a bit just to get a good nights sleep.

Can confirm. 👍

I really don’t enjoy the attention.

Matt missed geography classes at school. All of them.

Nice to see I’m important but can assure you that I haven’t stopped.

This isn’t my fault! I’m a geographical feature! Why am I being dragged into this?

Before you start pointing fingers it’s not my fault oil is $100 a barrel.

I was here long before you arrived and I will be here long after you have gone, which maybe sooner than you think if they carry on like this.

Are you lot still at it?

Wasn’t aware I was closed.

Don’t drag me into this.

It’s normally quite peaceful here at this time of year.

Not to be big headed or build my part up, yes there are other Straights but they don’t have 20% of the world’s oil passing through them.

I can’t unconditionally surrender. I’m a Straight mate.

You’re here, but have you worked out when you’re leaving?

I wish you lot would keep the noise down.