I see he’s been to China… not going to lie, it won’t help.

There are a lot of Iranian navy boats bobbing around. This is surprising as the Iranian navy has apparently been COMPLETELY OBLITERATED, at least three times so far.

Gas prices going up. Trump’s popularity going down. Every cloud has a silver lining.

I see there are still over a 1,000 ships stuck. “Project Freedom” going as well as “Epic Fury” then?

Have most of you decided that coming here was a shit idea yet?

The last time you didn’t know a thing existed, then talked about it all the time, was the invention of the air fryer.

If I concede defeat and just change my name to the ‘Strait of Trump’, will he go away and leave me alone?

I am finding all this terrible tedious.

Apparently I am a “critical waterway” Not usually Normally I’m very calm The last six weeks though… WTAF?!?!

Apparently I’m “critical” You bet What a shitshow

That I am only open when the stock market is I assume is purely coincidental.

The dildo of reality rarely comes lubricated.

Open now. Was open 6 weeks ago. People have died and billions of dollars have been wasted. Do you feel better?

Couldn’t possibly comment.

I’m open? Who knew.

I really piss off the one you call Trump. I make him scream. I might even end up causing him to have a stroke. And there’s nothing he can do about me. You’re welcome.

If he thinks he’s Jesus say ‘Show some guts, walk on water escort and tankers through Strait of Hormuz’. I will report back.

In case you were wondering how’s it going… Nothing is going… I’ve been blockaded… This will cost you money… Lots.

I see I’m being blockaded now. Super.

I understand Big Bird from Sesame Street is WEAK on crime.

SUCCESS! REGIME CHANGE! The one you call Trump has succeeded in supporting regime change in Hungary by supporting the one that you call Orban. So much winning.

The one you call Trump, he’s not very bright is he.

He wants me open so is going to blockade me? I can’t be the only one who doesn’t understand what he’s doing.

Confused. He says he wants me to be open. He also says he’s going to get the navy to blockade me. So I’m going to be open and blockaded at the same time? Schrödinger's Strait.

If you want me to reopen perhaps send someone to negotiate that isn’t a fuckwit?

So far this month he has: ▪️Closed a Strait that was open ▪️Lost a war that was won ▪️Destroyed some stuff that was previously obliterated ▪️Made fuel prices that were low, high ▪️Got his wife to distract from the war that was started to distract from Epstein by talking about Epstein 10 days in.

I see now that bombing me didn’t distract everyone, Melania is getting her excuses in first.

Ahem. Strait of Hormuz not Hormuz Strait. He could at least get my name right. Idiot.

‘Ships need Iranian permission and to pay a toll to pass through the Strait of Hormuz’ Ships didn’t need permission or to pay a toll before the shitshow. Just saying.

I am open and not open at the same time. Schrödinger's Strait.

I’ve been here for millions of years*. The Epstein War has to be the stupidest, least thoroughly thought through thing I have ever seen. *Yep, suck it up Creationists.

I liked the one you call Obama. I was open then. There was a deal and no one got killed.

Does this mean the Epstein War is over and you’ll all leave me alone now?

Shall I let you into a secret? I’m not going to open immediately. 🌮

I’ve been here millions of years. I will be here for millions more years. Trust me, this too will pass. You may not be here to see it pass, but it will.

If you zoom in really far you will see an orange man looking confused that the war he started to divert attention from the Epstein files hasn’t diverted attention from the Epstein files and so he’s busily posting increasingly mad posts on social media.

I’m old enough to remember when he said he didn’t need me.

Swearing isn’t going to make people forget about Epstein.

Swearing at me isn’t going to endear you.

My name is Strait of Hormuz My name isn’t Fuckin’ Strait Dickhead.

I’m the “Fuckin’ Strait” now!?

If you have ‘totally obliterated their military’ how come their military shot down two of your planes? Asking for a friend.

You can see me from space too. I don’t look blocked from there. Which is nice.

I see you are off to the moon now. Going to bomb that next?

Can confirm: ▪️ I am not open ▪️The war is not won ▪️People haven’t forgotten the Epstein files

The dollar bills with 47’s signature on, will you use them to buy bombs to drop on Iran or use them to buy Iranian oil? Asking for a friend. #NoKings

I read No Kings as No Kinks and was going to say I can’t help having a kink: it’s geography. But realized now and not taking offence. No Kings.

Sending troops here isn’t going to end well. Google my old friend ‘Dardanelles’ and ‘Gallipoli’ for reference.

🚨BREAKING 🚨 Iran has agreed to enter into full negotiations with President Obama.

I’m just a Strait, so what do I know, but it seems a bit weird to be bombing somewhere and then lifting sanctions against the people you are bombing. You lot are nuts.