How does a protogen fart

Must I wake up and smell the coffee? There are many other things I would rather wake up sniffing

How do I make the discover feed show me vore and not countless gay porn bots posting armpits

If Bluesky vibecodes itself off a cliff I’m going to take up posting Telegram Stories full-time

“What does your fursona smell like?”

Practicing my daily eye roll exercises by listening to Peter Molyneux speak

When people tell me the thing I like is bad

At least 30% of the enjoyment I get from League of Legends is ragebaiting people into calling me slurs ☺️

When that one otter starts skeeting 🤩

When that one person in the group chat starts typing 😔

Making a pentagram out of salt in an attempt to summon the poorly edited 30/40+ circle

It’s been at least two months since the last “Selfie + Fursona” meme, should I be worried is everything okay????????

I’ve started wearing my Apple Watch again and I see that 99% of the clock faces are still “what if standard clock face but difficult to read/ugly as fuck”

I will never forgive Nintendo for naming their fox and wolf characters Fox and Wolf They should have foreseen how foolish this is for brand recognition in the social media age >:c

The atmosphere is so bad now. The fact I feel the need to scurry off to the bathroom in order to check my phone as a grown-ass man is very healthy and not at all invasive

I love League of Legends I called someone edgy for typing "this is A*Ds" so they called me a slur and got instantly banned :')

HR are starting to crack down on mobile phone usage because apparently I work at a fucking crèche

Wanting to quote-dunk on a fake af anti-AI post 🤔 Knowing my mentions will end up filled with randos claiming I love AI 😔

In one of those “please don’t talk to me unless absolutely necessary” moods today, but not in an angry way I just cba with people

Rewatched the original Resident Evil movie (2002) over the weekend and yeah it’s still the best piece of non-game media the franchise has had so far

Discord on form by randomly deleting its only good feature in the past 5 years (status messages)

I'm thrilled that you get "more engagement" over on Twitter, but unfortunately all that attention you're getting is from a bunch of chuds, bots, and paedophiles

I do find it funny when chats have a “strictly SFW” rule but frequently post SFW fetish art that people are clearly gooning themselves silly over I can smell how horny you are from your text my friend

Fired up Megabonk again (watching Stray play it gave me the itch) Barely an hour in and I remembered why I stopped 😔 A few bad rolls in a row and your run is FUBAR lol

The Guardian posting “As a matter of fact: YES, money CAN buy you happiness” like it’s some deep, dark truth and not the most obvious shit ever

Has our favourite “not as shit as Twitter” social media app stopped shitting itself yet?

Hearing a klaxon go off in my head whenever someone breaks this rule. Why have I done this to myself

Is being a “service bottom” a personality?

Struggling real bad with this diet now. Starting to plateau despite making extra cuts and getting hit harder than ever with hunger pangs Just kinda makes you think "ehh what's the point, let's just round instead"

He was the last person to update his counts and he just so happened to win 💀 💀 💀

Wanting to vague post but you can’t be vague enough 😔

Cregger drop the Resident Evil movie trailer already you fucker (complimentary)

Just had a POWERFUL poop and now I’m ready to start my day 😤

I wonder if the popular League of Legends player who livestreamed himself DM'ing someone to k*ll themselves will ACTUALLY get banned this time (:

Doing some work with the analytical chemists and they’re horrified by how much my hands shake in the lab lmao 🦦 “They do this all the time” (But I am also nervous baby)

“But ott how else will you know when someone is pounding their meat while browsing Bluesky?” My honest reaction:

New Bluesky feature: Repost tokens which recharge every 12 hours and cap out at 3

Never been more viscerally offended than by someone who posts exclusively in all caps

The stupid topics I’ve been thinking about so far

“What are the CV scores for 3621” I fucking can’t man

We’re doing a project shorthanded to “3621” and I’ve had to stop myself from calling it “e621” half a dozen times already

I don't know why anyone even entertains the thought of people saying stuff like "you need art/a fursuit to be a Furry" instead of just telling the gatekeeping chuds to shut the fuck up

Was still feeling a bit ropey this morning so I called in sick. Definitely the right call Alas, I shall be missing out on riveting office conversations such as: “Why do common people feel the need to tell you where they got something from or how much it was when complimented?”

We hid the philosopher’s stone in a viral ‘Bad Friends’ clip that isn’t racist

After 5 hours of snotting I’m starting to think that maybe my morning hayfever isn’t actually hayfever 😔

Every time you make an “otterly” pun, an otter dies

More chats need to add a ‘Yapper of the Month’ award 🏆

My body is very confused as to why I’m feeding it water at 9am and not Galaxy chocolate

I blame the Furry fandom for making me Ace because big smelly dog men aren’t real 😔