It's 7-11. In Genesis 7:11, we learn Noah was 600 yrs old at the time of the flood 711 is the product of 3 x 3 x79. (all prime numbers) In dice, throw a 7 or 11 on your first roll, you win the pot. What does this all mean? While you were reading this, I got a free Slurpee at 7-11.

It's Nikola Tesla's birthday, or as it's called in New Jersey, "Edison Day"

I talked to Mitch McConnell for 20 minutes today. This Ouija board is awesome!

59th anniversary of the off-Broadway opening of the musical "Hair." The original cast has reunited for a revival called "Medicare."

I'm so handsome, I put the STD in STUD

It's the birthday of Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, even though she's in denial about it.

The star of "Young Washington," William Franklyn-Miller, is English. We're outsourcing heroes again!

1976: Rocky Balboa Underoos 2026: Rocky Balboa Depends

Happy 80th birthday Sylvester Stallone. Yo, Adrian - where's the defibrillator?

When Othello's the guy who can make you go sigh that's a Moor, eh?

The American Procrastination Society wishes you a happy 4th of July.

Travis and Taylor's invitation just got here. We already had plans

The Dog Days have arrived. I hope that's just rain.

"Young Washington" spoiler alert: includes cameo for "Young Thanos"

Juliet's superstitious parents spread smoked salmon on the balcony, but that didn't deter Romeo. You see, Love laughs at lox myths.

The Mets have so many injuries, the team picture is an MRI

The predicted high for today is 96, but it will feel like 108. 108 armpits, to be precise.

If you thought our economy was hot, Russia's is on fire!

Accident in the genetics lab. Created something that is half-dog, half-plant. I call it the Collie Flower, the plant that waters itself.

BREAKING: Study Shows That People Who Say Social Media is Harmful Are Also Responsible For Why Social Media is Harmful

Cracker Barrel selling Grateful Dead shirts. Talk about your long, strange trips!

Man it's hot. I'm sweating like a gas truck driver in Crimea!

But they're laughing at us, not with us www.popsci.com/environment/...

IT'S INTERNATIONAL CAPS LOCK DAY! DON'T MAKE ME HAVE TO TELL YOU AGAIN!

Even a stopped clock is wrong 1438 times a day

Turns out the Best Version of Myself costs $8.99/month or $83 one-time!

Got an air fryer, but hated the taste of fried air.

As today is "Half Christmas" (i.e., six months to Christmas Day), #NotTheHallmarkChannel offers these options from its half-vast collection: 8 PM: Miracle on 17th Street 10 PM: Half Yourself a Merry Little Christmas 12 AM: Holiday Increment

My "Spam Risk" calls now say "Spam Likely." Was this due to a marriage, divorce, or professional purposes?

As my uncle once said, "Everyone is dealing with something painful in their lives. If you pay attention, you can take their wallet while they're distracted."

Some believe Nero Wolfe is the son of Sherlock Holmes, but Encyclopedia Brown is unlikely to be a descendant of Father Brown.

It's National Kissing Day. See you later, osculator!

Happy West Virginia Day!

One nice thing about telling a clean joke is there's a good chance no one's heard it before. – Doug Larson

Since installing my new induction stove, it's out of the frying pan and into an electromagnetic field with unknown side effects

There is no ‘i’ in ‘team’, but there are two ‘i’’s in 'idiot', and two ‘i’’s are better than one. #Motto

How busy? I'm so swamped my in-box has been designated as a wetlands!

"Watch the full video in the first comment below?" Clearly, you have misjudged my sense of initiative.

Follow your heart - unless your stomach is telling you to find the bathroom.

In 2012. a man hitchhiking across the country and writing a memoir called "The Kindness of America" was injured in a random drive-by shooting. His memoir is called "If You Meet the Buddha on the Road, Stand Behind Him".

I chose the road less traveled, and GoogleMaps has no idea where I am now.

A day without BlueSky was refreshing, but now I'm two rebuttals behind the news cycle.

The DASH diet gave me the runs, ironically

Fall down seven times, get up eight. This time, tie the shoelaces.

Happy 6-7, whatever that is

My surgeon was so proud he posted a picture of his latest stitch. Suture selfie!

I asked my doc what they were using to solve this undiagnosed illness. They said “AI.” I asked, “AI, like in ChatGPT or Claude?” They said, “No, as in ‘Eh, I got no idea what the heck’s wrong with you"

My new standing desk is out of kilter. Where can I find some kilter? Locally-owned suppliers only.

A shortage of edible protein? No whey!

It's Bed Bugs Awareness Week. If you're aware of them, it's gonna be a rough week!