I think the issue is that inherently I cannot believe someone would actually truly love me. like you have to be lying, or exaggerating, or uninformed, because I cannot be loved , only shown a facade of what love is , and it's not purposeful, I only realized this recently. it's subconscious

literally everyone online says effexor is one of the worst meds to come off of ,, nightmares and sweats and mood swings and nausea and BRAIN ZAPS those are the worst . my psych said its an incredibly helpful med but awful to come off of, and I completely agree arrggghhh

my body feels like a science experiment lol withdrawal effects are receding, like a black vignette fading away but others meds make me feel hyper . but my body is exhausted . feels like my brain is being pulled in ten different directions but its not as bad as it sounds lmao its kinda fun

GRRAAAHHHH I FEEL LIKE ASS !!! trying to taper off of effexor (with advice from doc) but going from lowest dose to none STILL SUCKS BAD I was okay yesterday, but then I went tl bed and had THE WORST, MOST VIVID DREAMS EVER and I'm so tired and my head feels like pressure and like im in a cage

I feel entirely unlike myself . and yet I've never felt closer to my true self revolving like a door

kinda wish I could visit my family this year for christmas , would be awesome to just show up at my mom's work and be like , hey bitch 😎 and show them how much ive changed and improved but I doubt I'll have the money, or time. also, it's scary. but,,, I do miss them, even if they dislike me .

my avatar looks sick as fuck tho #roblox

ugghh my brain feels WIRED today idk if its from increasing my med dosage but that was a few days ago I spent like 4 hours today just making a new outfit for my roblox avatar and I need to go to bed but I'm not tired at all , 😔 what is this

guys are so funny like we show up to my bf's family thanksgiving and the second he sees his dad they start debating over football 😭😭 I'm too gay for this ,, wtf is a sport ?

happy thanksgiving guys !!! who up giving they thanks

okay but like literally

started playing roblox forsaken and I am such an elliot main i love this goofy little pizza man I love him #roblox #forsaken #robloxforsaken #forsakenelliot

problem solved ✌️✌️ was brave and called the other pharmacy and they got a shipment today 😎✌️✌️

GAHHH IT HAPPENED TO ME my pharmacy is out of adderall ?? like what do I do ??? this fucking sucks like . wtf

nsfw kinda funny kinda just yapping

just discovered him but I fucking love jhariah his music style scratches my brain perfectly

I think I ate

random memory the one time I ever snuck out as a teenager was because my mom and her bf were arguing badly, and my bf at the time lived down the road and let me come over. his mom wasn't very happy lol I was terrified of ever getting in trouble so yk I was desperate

But did you raise a tool, or a hand? Tell me, did you raise a man? I have nightmares of being anchored down; Come back home when you have some sense; You can throw your life away, Just not at my expense; You're not the son I raised.

HE'S HEEEREEEEE 💞💞💞🔥🔥💞💞🔥🔥💞💞💞🔥🔥🔥🔥 #sebastiansolace #pressure #roblox

my dearest, you better never forgive me, because if you, forget what I've done, I'll do it again.

oh my god oh my god Sebastian is going to get here today omg omg ofmfog txkdnskd

all social interaction is a game. all spoken word is just an act. it's all a performance. none of it is real.

men kissing awakens the beast in me

I love this dumb game so much lmao

i am like a revolving door switching identities switching perspectives switching lives switch switch switch revolving around the core indefinitely an infinite amount of doors an infinite amount of perspectives but does the core matter or does it revolve like a door

I did send him an amazon gift card though and got a response eeehehehehe he made a wishlist so other people bought him stuff that he's going to open on stream kinda parasocial but whatever he writes cool books ehehehe I like our little community of freaks

my favorite author (quil carter, fallocaust books) was supposed to do a birthday livestream today but he moved it to tomorrow but I'll be at work I'm so sad 😭😭 maybe I can listen at least but I wanted to interact 😔😔 oh well

ugh i love wearing boy clothes . so effortless , so comfy , yet still adorable ?? UGHHH 💞💞 fucking love this sweater more boys need to wear sweaters NOW !!!

nsfw kinda skipped my T dose yesterday because I am SO tired of being horny ALL THE TIME leave me alone please 😭🙏🙏🙏!!! it's everyday man I can't do it I need a break!! it's too much!!! 😭🙏🙏🙏 being a boy is hard!!! literally 😭😭😭😭😭 also I just don't like taking it on thursday thats a stupid day

the body of a god should be worshipped, anything less is deserving of death

say my name like the word of god

testosterone is turning my hands so sexy holy shit

eeeheeheheh my sebastian plush shipped 💞💞💞💞💞💞

lyricide, the genocidal god made to exterminate species that cannot resist war, infighting, and violence. don't feel bad, it is for their own good. because they cannot suffer in death. he has ended billions of lives across billions of universes. for the greater good. #oc #ocsky

when will my body learn that I do not care about being hungry !!! shush !!!!

nsfw funny

me playing roblox again just so I can finally meet this Sebastian guy ufufufufufu

ooough ogoggh I love yhis man,, hnnnggnggh #sebastiansolace #pressureroblox

what? this isn't real

here are some of my drawings of Lyricide, and his human form Lyre :) I really need to lore dump on this guy there is . so much in my head . so much !!

MY CXMMISSION IS DONE MY CXMMISSION IS DONE YESSS YESS YIPPEEE this is my character Lyricide!!! I'M IN LOVE WITH IT , THE VIBE IS PERFECT . THANK YOU @entzuendung.bsky.social please check out their art it's gorgeous and freaky and ethereal and !!!!! so fucking cool!!!!

KISS ME YOU ANIMAL 🗣🔥🔥❗️❗️❗️

'I want your life to end, Just like you ended mine. You think about it, none? I think about it all the time.'

gahh, I just want to be left alone! I will never understand human's insistence on socializing. perhaps it is because of how I was raised? neglected and alone. Just how i like it 😎🔥 I could live entirely inside of my own mind.

finally c-mmissioning an artist that ive wanted to c-mmission for so long eehhehehe I'm so excited and I have the perfect character for their style,,, a god that I pulled into reality ,,, perfection

I love my digimon so much lmao

kitty cat sat outside and helped as we passed out candy lmao we really didn't get a lot of people 😭 we bought two more bags of candy this morning bc we were expecting a lot more, but nope best part were the kids dressed as vocaloid: 2 mikus, len, and ren!! they were excited I knew lol!!

ITS HALLOWEEN BAY BEE !!!!!!