Can I take it that the plan to have the male and female US hockey teams get together and produce super hockey children is no longer in place?

So Sir Lindsay Hoyle was sitting next to me and my chums in a London pub and I was chatting shit and said something about how the Sunday Times only employ Russian spies and I wasn’t even being serious and I didn’t think he could hear me but it was his duty to refer it to the security services.

Do YOU have any unwanted or unused humans? Why not donate them to us? Here at The VOID we are building a new reserve for endangered humans. They will be well looked after and I, for one, promise that we probably won’t eat any of them. No ugly or skinny donations please.

British police are now investigating whether anyone in public office is NOT guilty of misconduct. Excludes any investigation of police officers, obviously.

Today is the day that Aaron Bushnell set himself alight as a protest against the massacre of Palestinans. Please remember him. #IsraelisaTerroristState #IsraelisaGenocidialState #IsraeliWarCriminals #IsraeliOccupation #IsraelIsAnApartheidState #BoycottIsraeliProducts #BoycottIsraeliBrands

Despite a hard earned reputation as a plumber, many members of the House of Commons were disappointed that newly elected Hannah Spencer was, unlike themselves, somebody who didn’t smell of shit.

Peter Mandelson - I’m sorry I ever met Jeffrey Epstein. Keir Starmer - I’m sorry I ever met Peter Mandelson. British Voter - we’re sorry we ever voted for Keir Starmer. Zack Polanski -

The sea foam is back!

Mandelson arrested so I thought I’d cheer him up.

I miss the old days of science when it told us things we didn’t know. Now science spends its remaining days telling us how science alone can tell us the truth about how science fucked the world by pretending the actual world was none of its business.

Everything is good.

It’s only the madness keeps us going. Even when the food and the water and the power run out we will still have the madness. Even when the moon laughs in our demented little faces, we will spit our rockety madness in her face. Anybody for the last satellite?

There is a little sadness tinged with hilarity as we contemplate the disintegration of a little world. We were great liars. We told the best lies! About how wonderful we were, about how great our art, and our architecture and our drawings. About our lovely voices and our music. We were full of it.

The Trump Towers being proposed all over the world will stand like the Easter Island statues only uglier and with no visitors ever.

It is possible not to wallow in despair but to stand and clearly see the culmination of advertised processes and the disintegration in real time of a localised biotic freakshow. It is possible but most people with their unstirred pots of head porridge prefer to wallow in the superficial horror.

Mar a Lago intruder shot dead. Conveniently.

When Trump dies it will turn out that every single person around him was heroically and energetically trying to counter his excesses. Medals will be awarded.

So Labour hire a company to find dirt on journalists. Then they tell the intelligence services these journalists are being investigated. When the intelligence services refuse to cooperate they spin the story that the intelligence services have been briefed about Russia and journalist contacts. Neat!

If Doomers are to succeed in obliterating the entire biotic freakshow it is most important that everybody continue to act normally. Thank you for your inattention to this matter.

BAFTA have so far ignored us but we’re hopeful that next year that bunch of fucking inbred bastards will nominate VOID Fillum for an award. I have already written my speech which is surely worth a few extra points?

Described by us as an allegorical rumination on the nature of existence, the BAFTA bastards say the new VOID Fillum lacks boobs and bodices and is too ‘Irish.’ You can rent it exclusively on Betamax from your local video store. Just ask for ‘Life is a wee Bag of Shite, so it is.’ Under 16s only.

Deepest thanks to the brave (and late) victims making the public aware of the atrocities of the #EpsteinClass, like royally. youtu.be/yiOvAgw4hwE?...

I sometimes worry that I might become nice accidentally and that is when I need my Doomerati friends to support me by saying things like ‘stop being nice’ and ‘stop thinking we’re your friends.’ Thank you.

The pain must not last forever. Extinction is a moral imperative for a species that has repeatedly demonstrated a total failure to live companionably with itself and with the other species it will sadly drag to an undeserved extinction.

That’s a nice planet you got there, normies. Be a shame if something happened to it. (How normies threaten each other)

The universe never negotiates.

Our extinction will be as forlorn and as inconsequential as our existence.

Now in the age of morons, the mildly deranged strut like kings.

It has been said, and by people almost as objectionable as I am, that if you are not a Doomer by now, your senses have clearly taken leave of you. And will not soon return.

Old English folk song. No longer relevant thanks to democracy.

The Irish greens could have had their own Zack Polanski, and at a time when Zack was still in short trousers! But they wimped out, preferring to believe the climate would be more impressed by a ministerial pension and a seat at the table of vultures. They called her Saoirse McHugh, Irish for nobody.

We regret to inform you that the last war between the rich and the poor had been cancelled due to extinction.

www.rte.ie/news/newslen... Oh dear.

Trump talking now and he sounds pissed. He needs a new court.

Torture exists for two reasons. It proves that terrorism works and it identifies people who are necessary to make terrorism work.

www.rte.ie/news/2026/02... Oh dear!

People said nihilists would never amount to anything, that we were lazy and lacked discipline. But it is thanks to us that the world now stands at the Gates of Doom. And it wasn’t even that difficult!

It’s always sad to see a once proud and successful family brought down, especially one headed by two charismatic brothers. But enough about the Kray family.