K: If I’m in a text editor like Emacs, what am I engineering? J: You’re engineering your paycheck.

As everyone knows, one of the Omnibus co-hosts is not a millionaire friend of Matt Damon.

It’s really amazing when the engineers don’t understand the product and don’t want to leave their cubicles to find out.

You’re making a molepile out of a molehill.

J: There’s the nurse log. And then there’s the… K: Sexy nurse log, for Halloween.

There’s like a third dimension outward from the org chart, which is just my face in 3D.

Is it engineering just to sit and typey typey typey?

The great lesson of adolescence or young adulthood: you’re fine. No one noticed. No one cares.

I did make the classic Roderick mistake of thinking that a measurable portion of my job was socializing with the bankers and making them feel good about the files and making them feel like they could trust me with their file requests.

J: Futurelings need to get to know the whole me. K: They need to get to know the Roderick on the Line stories that somehow I never elicited.

Could you live the rest of your life happily just eating Conagra food?

J: Where are the good Germans in this story? K: They are not pictured.

Now, things get better, as they always do, when America enters the picture.

This era is too Napoleonic for this, but your kids are going to love it.

It’s fun to kill Nazis, but it’s easier when you have a bunch of ghosts.

K: It’s also a time of transition here at the Omnibus Project. J: It hasn’t gone wrong. It’s only gone sideways.

K: Why don’t we have an audience here? J: We have an audience of all of these little figurines and old ship’s bells.

The only thing keeping you from going to Japan was a grand total of zero listeners.

The thing we say about America is it was founded by religious weirdos — and it shows. Australia’s just all people that stole a piglet.

J: You couldn’t put two jet engines in a Subaru Outback though. K: Watch me.

Every skyscraper looks like a conquistador helmet from one side and a pistachio shell from the other.

🛎️

J: Australia though, The Long Winters do great there. I have a lot of fans. We’re on the radio down there. K: Are you called The Long Summers there?

A little bit of derring-do and saxophone and reckless folly.

I’d never thought I would watch all five hours of the Billy Joel documentary on HBO. And guess what? I watched half of it on the way out and half of it on the way back-ack-ack-ack-ack-ack-ack.

Y2K didn’t happen for our marriage.

You could be forgiven for going there and thinking, “I don’t want to live here. There’s no water here and there’s nothing here.“

Are you a smart aleck or do you have oppositional defiant disorder? We're about to find out.

The hogs are as thick as bugs on a bumper.

I used to carry a tun on my belt.

K: Do you think anybody who listens to this is interested in homebrewing beer? J: 140,000%.

It’s interesting that it has snakes in it, but you know, I didn’t realize how much I like snake.

I’m kind of shaped like a pig, but I act like a goat.

J: Of the two of us, who is the foodiest? K: You have more food in your beard right now than I do.

You can email us at [email protected], unless you are the weirdo who’s doing Omnibus Out of Context. And in that case, just stay anonymous. Be quiet over there, weirdo.

Jeopardy is Yoko.

There was a time when I felt like maybe “drifter” was the best I could hope for.

J: The people in Australia do watch Jeopardy. It’s people in France that don't. K: No, and that’s why they’re so dumb and they don’t have grass in their parks.

New Baltic Dmitry just dropped.

I wake up every morning and look in the mirror and go, “Real or pretender?”

Do you know what keeps your heart ticking? Peach cobbler.

When you die from a stroke, it’s kind of over. Unless they prop you up Weekend at Bernie’s style, as the current administration is doing.

I have a pretty long list of people that I want to bury in the desert in a shipping container where I subtly change the geometry of the walls every night when they’re asleep.

I know you guys all want to invade Poland — but… Three words: universal basic income.

You think you’d be a Grade-A Hitler. This is a clip no one will ever take out of context.

People that want coffee to taste good are missing the entire point of it. Coffee staves off death. And so it should taste a little like death to remind us of what is at stake here. You’re drinking this because every day it keeps you going one more day.

We always knew there would be a day that the siren song of Hollywood would carry Ken off to dash him on the rocks of big time showbiz and fame and money and decadence. Except Mormon decadence, which is like two jars of pickles.

K: We had a hoe for 2000 years. J: Easy now, easy.

Continue to be in hell, the devil.

I want to hear Johnny Gilbert say, “And spouse in the house from Altoona, Pennsylvania…”