If you’re in a high building, you try to avoid looking at Indiana at all costs.

What do you think clams eat if not dead hippies?

Everyone knows that protein comes in a box — a box that you juggle.

We were joking around calling them all a bunch of drunk dingalings, but it turns out they actually were nation builders.

I don’t want to be the guy on Omnibus that’s always talking about chickens.

I definitely remember thinking that those people in warehouses in San Jose that were making computers were probably also swingers and dope fiends.

There’s nothing more camp than Mormonism.

You don’t want to be horny and you do want to poop. So many of us are horny and don’t poop — enough or the right way — and the world is off kilter.

That was the thing about hippies. There were so many smells that you didn’t ask for.

How much would you say that all of the reform movements of the 19th century and 20th century are just about combating horniness?

Look, America’s groovy. I don’t care what anybody says.

Christa: It kind of fizzled out because there were oranges and lemons and grapefruits. John: Oh my.

They were interested in environmentalism and animal rights, and they were fascinated with the practices of Asian cultures, meditation, yoga and Eastern spirituality. So all of those jumbled together in a hippie stew — that tasted terrible.

Oh no, don’t throw away the gross part. That’s where all the nutrients are.

John: I thought macrobiotic diets had something to do with... Christa: Science? Yes, both of those words sound like science-y words.

It tastes like feet.

The amount of excitement I have right now is very much.

There are only three networks. We just have to have the least bad show.

You’re doing the millennial dream job, which is being retired already at 35 years old.

Nowadays I don’t think you would set a television show in Boston if Boston paid you a million dollars.

John loves Ukraine so much he just had to lick every surface while he was there.

Is your position that everybody in a leotard is some kind of sex pervert?

I mean, I’m a lot.

I thought you guys were just taking her out of school for an hour a day and homeschooling her real weird on the Old Testament.

Your other dog seems to think that I am just a petting hand connected to somebody that might have food.

She leaves her home in Bay City, Michigan for some Buffalo grass.

I’m just going to do dumb things in dumber and dumber ways until it catches up with me. But until then, no comeuppance.

For a brief moment there I didn’t understand how a sack worked.

If I listed my favorite TV shows, it would be just looking at a fire and then it would be The Wire.

Europe wasn’t snotty about the metric system yet. They were measuring everything in spears.

I’m actually working on a rap about the environment right now. Exxon Valdez-nuts.

From Buffalo to Niagara Falls, it’s just one abandoned factory after another. It is not scenic, except if you love rusty factories, which I do.

can confirm

K: If it looks like a V, then a glacier it be. If it looks like a U, a river runs through. J: But it’s the opposite.

You’re supposed to eat just Grape-Nuts and have, like, six enemas a day.

The dinosaurs got sad and all died of sadness.

Being a good hang is an important part of my worldview.

If you’re a woman who is a little saucy, you get thrown down a well.

Let’s just say that Gen X were the last good people.

Slightly less focus on butts, but not no focus on butts.

You went to theater to get drunk. Maybe get in a fistfight. Maybe hire a prostitute. Maybe throw things. And then you’d watch a little Shakespeare.

He’s sort of the Bill Gates of beaver pelts.

I’ve never read Shakespeare because my whole adult life I’ve been saving it in case I ever go to prison.

Our long pinky nails were used for cocaine in the 1980s. A little cocaine shovel.

It hardly ever comes up, but when you are thinking of a cornucopia, it’s a veritable one.

You could hardly get away with throwing half a rotten sheep on the stage these days.

Let’s improve society by policing language. We’re going to persecute any poorly educated working class person who steps out of line.

Wait until you hear my show “All the Girls I’ve Dated That Live in Joshua Tree Now.”

I’m trying to avoid angry partners by not just relying on vibes.

They didn’t have Instagram. They’re trying to keep themselves occupied around the campfire.