You know what I miss about living in Alaska?

Why they fuck are there THREE BOTTLES of beer in my bathroom.

What if we secretly replaced Kash Patel with Kal Penn. I guarantee you most conservatives won't even notice.

Also, off topic, but if I ever buy a house, I want Nancy Meyers to design my kitchen and don't care house much the remodel will cost.

If you ever need to explain "female gaze" to straight dudes, just watch the movie 'The Holiday' with them and ask them which dude they think most females would rather date and watch them lose their mind when you tell them it's Jack Black.

Little man is starting a new DnD game with his friends. He's playing a tiefling rogue. Me: "Do your friends know you're gay or is this how you're coming out to them?"

There is nothing more infuriating than having something in your hand and then walking into a different room and it disappearing off the face of the planet.

Was late to dinner with my mother and step-dad bitched me out. I pointed out that it was because my littler brother and sister felt the need to ya know, celebrate the woman who was a good mother to them.

Happy mother's day to all the other parentified eldest daughters. I officially became a mom 15 years ago, but unofficially 30 years ago.

Off for the next 3 weeks.

Trying to schedule an appointment at the DMV for the little man. Tell me why they only have testing times for permits during school hours.

As someone who lives in the arctic... Heated Stearing Wheel >>>> Heated Seats

Today I learned you can make a margarita machine with a mini weed whacker and a Gatorade cooler.

Little Man wants a 3D printer for his birthday. Do i have any friends with experience with them who might have a good recommendation for a beginner one?

If you ever work in remote work camps, always make friends with the kitchen staff. I may or may not have encouraged them to make one of the soft serve flavors pistachio.

Just referred to my humidifier as a "thirsty bitch" in front of the Ops Foreman... How's your day going?

Random worker: "Can I leave my gun case here?" Me: "Is there actually a gun in it?" Him: "No." Me: "Then its fine." Ways in which my new job is vastly different.

It occurred to me I didn't post that I got a new job recently. Im working on the north slope oil fields on a 3 week rotation. Liking it a helluva lot better than my last job and im back to medicine that I enjoy.

Negative 5 and I'm still eating ice cream. Like a real Alaskan.

Everyone: "you're so hard to shop for!" Me: "I literally have a wishlist with 99 books on it."

Birthday is about to come to an end. Spent most of it with the fam but spent the best part just the little man and I.

Plot twist: we're instead going to a place I strongly dislike, but step-dad likes.

Sister is in town & asked me what I wanted to do for my bday lunch. Mom says "Oh, I bet she wants to go to either [place she likes] or [place we go to because step-dad doesn't like]." Me, who hasn't done anything for my birthday since my 21st, "Oh, I was just gonna go to [my favorite taco place]."

All I want for my birthday this year is a pepperoni pizza, a 2L bottle of coke, and 7 friends for some Halo 3 multiplayer.

Light show at the top of the world. Not the best Aurora photos I've ever gotten, but they're still pretty.

I know everything is horrible right now, but try to find one thing that brings you joy. Mine currently is watching the videos from the Afroman trial.

A computer made from human brain cells can play Doom, and they got good. Well, good night.

Little Man's first "drinking game" Drink everytime you cant figure out what a superbowl ad is for. (Two drinks for every one promoting AI bullshit)

Those of you who have been around for awhile know im raising Little Man to be a little feminist. Earlier this evening when we were driving home from his TKD class. He asked if he could record a video of us singing along to a song to send to his group chat. I said sure, didn't think anything of it.

Rent is due Sunday. Still dont have the way new Landlord wants to be paid. Still have no new rental agreement. Talked to him Monday, he said he's working on it. Also said he's going to raise rent but didn't say to how much.

I’m ok. I’m a survivor so this small agitator isn’t going to intimidate me from doing my work. I don’t let bullies win. Grateful to my incredible constituents who rallied behind me. Minnesota strong.

Alex Jeffrey Pretti. An American citizen. An ICU nurse. At the Minneapolis VA Medical Center. Someone who put other's needs above his own. That's who died yesterday. Tell me to my fucking face it was justified.

New landlord did a walk through when they closed on the purchase last week, but haven't heard a word since. No new rental agreement, and not even how they want to collect rent. Hoping I can find somewhere available for move in next month.

So ICE is holding 3 members of the Oglala Sioux to try to extort a cooperation agreement from them. ICE has no jurisdiction over Natives because we are all automatically citizens of the US. This is just fascist.

Having a really rough day (minor mental breakdown on my drive home). And logging in for the first time in awhile to all the overwhelming support from my friends here just made it all so much better. I love you all.

Hey friends, I was really hoping it wouldn't come to this, but I've set up a Go-Fund-Me. We're really struggling and I dont have a lot of options right now. gofund.me/ee8dce70c

Landlord sold the building we live in. So now I need to find a new place to live and save up to move while also paying more in rent. Fuck my entire life.

So i started a new job that doesn't allow me to work holidays and fuck do I miss the excuse of "Oh, sorry, I cant I work that day."

Much better...

If you ever wanted to go enjoy the beauty of Alaska, do it in the next few years. White House just signed H.J. Res 106 & 131 which will lead to immence damage to the land for generations to come. 🙃

This is what raising him right looks like.

We all know the real reason Tarantino has beef. Mathew Lillard has a near perfect score on Wikifeets. Tarantino only has a 2.5.

"Video games are so violent!" ... my kid just spent 3 hours digging a hole in a game called "a game about digging a hole".

Just got back from FNAF 2 and ofc my dorky ass son got a pizza. Lol. It was great, and definitely looking forward to the rest.

Just got back from Littlw Man's winter party for TKD. His award this year was the "Dynamic Duo" award with his friend who started at the same time as him. They're both competitive (in a good way) and were paired for weapons patterns for the Demo team. (Little Man insists *he* is Batman)

This is enough books for a 4 day weekend, right?

So apparently shooting your friends with roman candles *isn't* a universal experience? whaaaat

Dont wanna argue about how making chili with beans is wrong, but making chili WITHOUT CHILI is just criminal.

There was a new Count of Monte Cristo movie released last year and NONE OF YOU asked me about it? I clearly need to revise my brand.

Me: would you tell me if you were being bullied at school? Little man: im being bullied at home Me: but you'd tell me if you have problems at school, right?