Those twins on Project Runway are way too comfortable calling Veejay a bitch.

my sister and I have a language all our own

Like this if u want me to draw u

writing “I didn’t understand the question” over and over again on my tax forms like I did on math tests in high school. Still showing my work tho so they give me partial credit

I wish I could wear a body cam or wire at work bc I need yall to understand the Reno 911, workaholics, always sunny in Philadelphia levels of ***stupid*** that these men are. No greater farce has ever been scripted

any time I wake up feeling mentally healthy and positive I’m immediately suspicious

I love when you flush the toilet and you think it’s clogged but it fights through it and unclogs itself. It’s just like …..God will make a way

dressed like a Performative Male ™️ today

I know I’m Mother based on the sheer number of times a man has come up to me as I’m standing there in a dental floss bikini and 8 inch pleasers w a fat wad of 1’s on my garter and asked me in all seriousness “are you the manager?”

you know when a song is so profoundly beautiful it almost makes u throw up

🌙

U know im an alcoholic bc I just bought a perfume bc it makes me smell like I spilled champagne on myself lmao. 950 days dry today btw 🫶🏽

I have such a deep passion for real housewives

tried a look with no blush tonight and it changed me

the AI show flyers are getting crazy

hey guys what’s up

lorde shade

You had 6 minutes from the moment you got my ride request to the minute I got in your car and you waited to fart until was seated and on the deep inhale of an exasperated sigh….. evil

I’m stoned as fuck in the nail salon and they’re playing this song that was in the Disney channel original movie “Toothless” in this scene where the tooth fairy (played by kirsty alley) is being sent to hell in an elevator. Super pivotal moment in my childhood religious psychosis

not to be sentimental and corny but I look so happy on stage bc I am so happy on stage lol there’s not been one second of any burlesque performance where I ever wondered if I was meant to be up there or not. it animates my heart

oh baby you’re winning best burlesque

my whole titty popped out my dress in the TJ maxx today. and it was out for a long long time FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION ✨ Zahradka Tonic, Best Burlesque ✨ The Gaggys 2025

I haven’t been the same since joanns went out of business

also may I just say how much I recommend being out of the loop to an extent! baby I don’t care what people are saying about me because I have absolutely no idea

Family Guy is crass and evil, for lunatics rascals and stinkers. American Dad is precocious and artful and coy, for geniuses and beautiful girls.

Just made probably the worst sandwich ever AMA

just finished the high school catfish special on Netflix

Need a tattoo of betty boop in an erte look

this pussy is two-factor authenticated

I was on stage to Deftones and a 19 year old boy said “why are they playing nickelback” 🫩🫩🫩🫩🫩🫩🫩🫩🫩🫩🫩🫩🫩🫩🫩🫩🫩🫩🫩🫩🫩🫩🫩🫩

I can’t believe my life sometimes ….. I’m the only dancer at the club and there’s one man here and he peed on himself and I’m literally hiding from him in different locations in the club. I feel like I’m playing bioshock

my favorite thing about living right by the farmers market is that I literally stumble out of bed and wander the strip 5 minutes before closing and all the vendors give me their scraps and leftovers for free. I feel like a lovable mangy mutt in a children’s tale

Prozac about to have me non verbal at the gig :(((

8008135 :-)

Straight women love beatnix so much

My 11 year old cat randomly conquered her fear of water and willingly got in the shower and let us bathe her today for the first time. inspirational

She unfortunately went back to her musical theatre does spoken lines in between songs nachos

im so sorry but im not really feeling man’s best friend 🥲

U see its in me not on me

I know I look sexy today bc they gave me 3 free donuts at Dunkin *in the morning*

My mom convincing me to splurge on my nail appointment …. Not “don’t you love yourself”

Asked for a customers name for pickup and he said “Crazy Pimp” in the thickest Russian accent I’ve ever heard. He did in fact get the 10% pimp discount

Wearing a headpiece and high ponytail to keep myself from going upside down tonight. Much like a muzzled dog

my brother referred to me as “un unredeemed and villainous woman” in an argument without even a hint of humor or irony. tore that idk

🐱