🏊‍♀️- “Just take your time” 🏊‍♀️- “YOU HAVE 14 SECONDS REMAINING!” #GameOfWool #Knitting #Crochet

If there were thought bubbles above Holger’s head, it would say “Über meine leiche” when she was talking about adding ribbons and silver. #GameofWool #Knitting #Crochet

Wow, they bleached and cut Carlos’s hair really quickly before that big dance #Strictly

Find someone who is excited to hear your name as Alan was to hear about a train. #Traitors #CelebrityTraitors

420 years since Guy Fawkes tried to blow up the Houses of Parliament (also the last person to enter them with honest intentions) Only recently realised we (officially) mark the occasion because he failed, not because he tried. 🎇🧨🎆 #RememberRememberThe5thofNovember

Was called upon several times for my renowned relationship advice this last month. In hindsight, saying “get him drunk and tell him the TV aerial needs adjusting” multiple times might end up looking a bit suspicious if everyone decides to give it a try. Must try to mix it up a bit from now on.

Shirley channeling Tom Daley with the side eye at Anton CONSTANTLY interrupting her. #Strictly

You tell him, Stevie!! @LastLeg #LastLeg

Looks like it still needs peroxide/developer adding to it separately, could be wrong, but didn’t notice anything written on the bottom of the cans #DragonsDen

The second half of the tube isn’t used? Where is he getting that from? #DragonsDen

Surprised they haven’t moved Thor from the background of the interview area, he’s not very good at maintaining the demonic #Strictly grin they often seem to have.

There has GOT to be a more effective way of falling asleep than just laying there trying not to scream. #Insomnia

“It’s got to taste nice BUT it also has to look nice!” Repeat 587 slightly different ways to end of series. #GBBO

@richardosman1.bsky.social Stephen telling Bogdan that Elizabeth is the chess player… right between my eyes. 😱😭 That bullet did not miss!! #TheBulletThatMissed

Take the road more travelled, there’s more likely to be a decent wool shop along it.

Yes, we all know what you mean. Please stop asking. #CatsCountdown #8outof10Cats

No matter how many shows I see Alan Dale in, he’ll always be Jim from Neighbours. #TheAssassin

**accidentally clicks an ad for foaming hand wash tablet refills** Facebook Algorithm - “That must be all he wants to look at for the rest of his life”

Car Insurance Renewal - "We're charging you 18% more than last year. You can like it or go elsewhere! Me - **Cancels and goes elsewhere** Car Insurance Company - Nooo, wait wait. We can work something out. **Repeat this tiresome nonsense yearly** 😩

I have no idea what the answer is, but it’s certainly nothing they’ve tried so far. #Newsnight

Started watching #TheRookie, but struggling to tell the difference betwixt 3 of the actors though. Can they all wear a different coloured hat or a false moustache or something?

Still missing

I bet they love banging on about being from Yorkshire on these programs about Yorkshire. #GoggleBox #CelebrityGoggleBox

Sitting in peace and quiet… apart from the ten thousand decibel (feels like) tinnitus that is plaguing me today for some reason. 😫

As if anyone in that audience (or indeed watching) needs the subtitles to an ABBA song. #Eurovision

Storing the logs bark side up, controversial… apparently #Eurovision

🎯

I definitely don’t have the upper body strength to pull myself back in through the door of an inter-dimensional barber shop perched on top of a space spider. #DrWho #DoctorWho

I am crying, you’re also crying. Everyone is crying. #DrWho #DoctorWho

This grandma wholeheartedly agrees #HandsOff

…

Happy Gooseberry and Cinnamon Yoghurt Day to all who celebrate. youtu.be/DfITfSPjBmM

Just remembered my childhood obsession with drawing and displaying “SAVE THE WHALES” posters in my bedroom. As though my family and 2 or three friends were out there harpooning and needed convincing otherwise. 🏹🐋

Hey British media, It’s no surprise that if you give Farage the run of the place, he’ll start winning. Time to do your actual jobs and start interrogating him on his Brexit shitshow, his funding, his Trumpiness, his idiotic manifesto, his real plans for the NHS… instead of drumrolling him into No.10

Singing “How the fuck should I knooooow??” to the tune of “Do You Wanna Build a Snowman” every time someone asks me a fucking stupid question.

@barcelohoteles.bsky.social why does late checkout always have to be such a last minute mystery? Staff won’t give an answer, but I check online and there are more than 10 rooms available for tonight. Won’t let me book one. Flights not until 21:30 so just gonna be hanging around looking untidy. 😢

The sadness, but also immense relief when they answer you back in English after another crap attempt at speaking Spanish. 🇪🇸 #HomoLingual

We often don't think about it but it is true.

Hey, what’s with the seriously messed up... **awkwardly gestures to all of you**

Probably didn’t help a situation of a young lad getting his hair blonded just now. Grandparents very concerned it would look a bit **wrist flop** 🙄 So I waited until it was done and then said I loved it (which is true) and I had my hair the exact same when I was his age (also true) 😈

Fact

Why did you vote for him???

I’m sure your sour dough bread is wonderful, but please don’t tell me the age of the ‘starter’, the very thought of its mouldy ass makes me want to throw up my kneecaps.

Nicked from Facebook.