Poasting is an outlet that keeps me from letting slip that I have thoughts about my socially unacceptable interests like military history, computer games, and Roman pasta hot takes [carbonara is the worst one even when you're literally eating it in Rome]

My Hot Take by Bluesky standards is that if we're going to reverse the trend of America turning into a screaming hellmouth, it's going to take a very broad group of people figuratively* dick stomping these nazi incel creeps and resetting the baseline of How Shit Works Around Here.

Or maybe virtually everything marketed as AI seems like a dogshit product built on fraudulent claims and stealing IP and we want it to fuck off out our lives.

Or maybe virtually everything marketed as AI seems like a dogshit product built on fraudulent claims and stealing IP and we want it to fuck off out our lives.

I've written an entire book about how badass I wasn't, never mind now I'm in comfortable middle age, but the very online tough guys are getting so fraudulent I can't even

Everyone follows this account, but still: Gott in Himmel

Shame.

It's hard to overstate how much less mentally and physically fit the US military would become if they ran off all the women and minorities. Smaller recruiting pool = lowering standards to make the numbers. Doublespeak of unsat white dude jerking off about standards while lowering them is perfect.

The man who looks like a non-denominational youth pastor seconds from being discovered on Grindr wastes all of our time this week lyz.substack.com/p/too-sauced...

Our greatest renewable resource is highly educated rubes trying to intellectualize what they imagine Trump is trying to do, only for Trump to immediately do something insane and dumb that disproves their thesis, over and over, forever.

I don’t understand what you’re saying while also understanding that I do not want to understand what you’re saying

I may have literally had organic brain and nerve damage from viral encephalitis while earning "exceeds course standards" at my first Army course. It was the officer basic course. For military intelligence. In case you were wondering why my military memoir is a comedy with a cartoon for a cover.

This is one of those statements that's so baldly at odds with reality that it's practically a diagnostic criteria from the DSM-5. But we've got a lot of that going around I guess.

Hot take: I don't think it's possible to be canceled if you're actually still funny as hell. People like laughing too much. If you used to be funny but your jokes suck now? Absolutely. But that's not the same thing. And a comedian who gets applause instead of laughs isn't funny anymore either.

Real talk, I basically wrote myself into a brief but morbid depression with Even a Dog Enlists, Why Not You? Not because of the subject matter, but more because I just overworked myself like a maniac out of fear I'd lose momentum and not finish the book while also having a day job. So uh

My writing productivity is basically a toggle switch labeled "please do something" and "calm the fuck down" and it's controlled by a monkey who doesn't understand switches.

🎵 The history books they tell Of their defeat at '45 But they all came out of the woodwork On the day the Nazi died 🎵

Shock.

I love you gender-nonspecific guys, but it's like you're actively trying to bypass my filters with some of your posts about various dipshits lol

This is basically a racist Yelp review of a Thai restaurant in Idaho.

Cursed hot take: The best Army-associated uniform stylistically is cadet dress gray.

The people who design our uniforms think this is a good look.

For those outside the military, it makes a lot more sense if you grasp the seeming paradox that nobody is so good at Army that they can't have their career annihilated at any time by one jerk of a senior rater, or so stupid that they can't make general. Or Secretary of Defense.

Emperor Me: "Talk all the shit you want, but it better be an actual sick burn."

Airborne School was not difficult, but the first jump was scary as all fuck in a completely new way for me. I didn't know how much I didn't like heights until I was standing at the open door of a C-130 in flight.

If Hegseth wasn't a huge piece of shit, nobody would care about the relative "impressiveness" of his military service, but he specifically uses his service as a prop while being a bigoted fuckknuckle, so...

All fast food fries are worse than fresh McDonalds. Better fries exist by miles, but not in the American fast food space. 5 Guys is massively overrated for fries, like they are with everything else. Points for just being potatoes but not when they're greasy and floppy because they can't cook right.

If you quote one of my posts with a weird non sequitur and I can't tell you're being a jerk or not I'm probably blocking you rather than trying to parse what tf you think you're saying.

John Kellogg's ghost: 👻 VINDICATED!

Quote this with the energy you bring to Bluesky

evergreen youtube.com/shorts/dNhtl...

One of my favorite anecdotes from THE PREHISTORY OF THE FAR SIDE: "That doesn't sound like the Jane Goodall we know."

A lot of "evil secular musician" music is very Christian in content, but since it didn't come from people marketing exclusively to white evangelicals doesn't count. Also worth noting that explicitly Christian Black music isn't counted as "Christian music" by these folks because mumble mumble

"I heard you like Halloween so I have the band Helloween playing the song Halloween"

Trap sprung, you can't cancel a guy whose show is already in last place.

Jimmy Fallon plans to “keep my head down” and avoid politics on “The Tonight Show”: “We hit both sides equally”

One thing I experienced in the military that I've never quite seen reproduced in real life is being on a team of utterly random Mad Libs mutant weirdo archetypes who absolutely SHOULD NOT be put together, I am not kidding what the fuck are we even doing here, that actually works great somehow.

People are liking my posts too much, I need to poast worse. I know, nobody likes my music posts because it's like 50% Gen X 50% boomer and I have no taste but "loud."

What's also dumb about this is that the comedians here are literally performing AT THE BEHEST OF THE SAUDI GOVERNMENT, not just performing at a show that happens to be in Saudi Arabia. The analogy only works if you're comparing it to taking a gig sponsored by the Trump White House.

*Points at the sign*

This would be classified as a hit piece by his supporters, but if anything it overstates his military record. Multiple sources suggest he never actually held company command, for instance.

I find it striking how Hegseth's obsessions are things that I already would have seen as almost beneath my attention as a 1LT. Haircuts? Shaving? That's shit you turn to the nearest NCO for and just gesture at for them to take care of while you spend the next 4 hours of your life in a meeting.

"Fat around the waist is less dangerous than fat above the collar."

The POGs and the grunts, the Academy snobs and the E-4 Mafia, Marines and...uh.... not-Marines, all united in seething contempt of the That Fucking Guy of all That Fucking Guys.

I love how we can all come from very different backgrounds and experiences and yet converge on the same basic disgust for the bleached anus that is Pete Hegseth.

I had several good experiences working with the former type, but one stands out: @ 1LT me: "I hear you're getting a brand new second lieutenant for your shop, now you get to experience breaking in the clueless newbie instead of the other way around." *Mustang 2LT appears on my doorstep*

Because this is social media, at least one person reacted to this post like they didn't recognize the "*record scratch* *freeze frame*" joke format and thought I was this CSM posting a selfie, and furthermore was mad I wasn't hashtag resisting.

*record scratch* *freeze frame* Yep, that's me. You're probably wondering how I got here.

There's more than a little irony there for sure, but in fairness, this is the worst example of that thing I can remember. Though the 1 star who visited Macedonia to tell the battalion staff they needed to focus more on mail delivery comes close.