Back in a minute I’m just going to amputate my legs then have a massive wank 🤙🏿

Literally over the moon hearing the news about Taylor Swift’s engagement however I am unsure how this relates to the ACTUAL state of my fucking RINGPIECE ffs

If he carries on like this I can see myself taking Malen FULLY in the mouth by Xmas ffs

Oooh look at me I’m a massive cunt. Ffs. Pathetic. 🚮

Could go all the way to pens this. Depends

They should have old Kate Garraway parading round the pitch in her fucking knickers occasionally strumming on her monkey for those that aren’t really into women’s football. Tits out obvs 🤙🏿

Hell of a fucking week I’m having ffs

*windmills cock* WAHAAAAAAAAAAY

Think I’ve fucked up here has anyone got a size chart for butt plugs? One of my fucking eyes has just popped out ffs

Hank Fucking Marvin, lads 🤙🏿

Just shat a battered sausage 🤙🏿

You should sniff my bell

Akash Deep is a decent bowler. I knew his brother, BALLS HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAALOLOLOLOLZZZZZZZZHAHAHAHAAAAA FUUCKK MEEE LOLOLOLOLZZZZ

I’ve just been thinking about the curry I’m having on Friday and now I’ve got a massive STIFFY and my ringpiece is gurning like a fucking goat’s CUNT 🤙🏿😍

People always come up to me and say “what are you doing in my garden?”

My bell is stuck to my fucking ankle ffs

You could fry an egg on my cock

I might have a nice cold bottle of cider then punch my own fucking lights out 🤙🏿

If Rod Stewart likes Scotland so much he should ram a fucking haggis up his arse then fuck right off tbh 🤙🏿

LETS GET FUCKING BATTERED WAHAAAAAAAAAAAY

Fuck this, pint?

Not showing off or nuffin but I’ve had four dumps already today 🤙🏿

Hell of a fucking weekend that was ffs 🚮

Fuck off

You should sniff my fucking helmet 🚮

Nottinghamshire Golf Club Men’s Changing Rooms Bogs Trap 1 Update: Absolute fucking carnage, shit literally fucking everywhere. AVOID 🤙🏿

Good morning fuck off

@dannygav.bsky.social did you have anything in the Prince of Wales today?

A lovely afternoon at a friends house today, bbq and beers, chatting all of the shit, it wasn’t until I got home that I discovered my COCK and BOLLOCKS had been hanging out me fucking shorts the ENTIRE fucking time ffs ffs

Blah blah blah my fucking sorry ringpiece blah blah blah

Bestie of 40 years 🍻🍻🍻🍻🍻🍻🍻🍻🍻🍻🍻🍻🍻🍻🍻🍻

Fuck me

The bathroom window is now wide open if you were wondering about my current anal toxicity levels

I am NOT taking questions on the state of my fucking ringpiece at this current time. Thank you for your fucking understanding

👀🤷🏿

Fuck off please

Fuck off please

My helmet is kicking right up 🤙🏿

Ooh ooh look at me I’m a cunt 🚮

You would NOT believe what just shot out me fucking ringpiece ffs ffs

I’ve been on holiday thanks for noticing

Good evening. I’m sweating my fucking cunt off. Ok cheers 🤙🏿

I might treat myself to an el beero as they say in Greece 🤙🏿

Long way to go but if Inter don’t score I can see this ending up 1-0 to PSG

Little bit overcast so bar/cards/vodka with these two cheats 🥰

Don’t look now but Cuntface and Spastic have rocked up to run the aqua aerobics 🤙🏿

Pint?

I can smell my own bombhead through my Speedos™️

I keep getting accosted by big titted young milfs ffs