Ask your doctor if you're healthy enough for autofellatio before starting.

VP Cheney will be honoured with a 21 gun salute accidentally aimed directly at 21 of his friends

Dick Cheney won't see your mean jokes about his death, but Tony Blair will, hopefully.

@ischeneydeadyet.bsky.social pssst….guess what?

Dick Cheney ragequit when it was clear that Mamdani was going to win.

YES! DICK CHENEY *IS* DEAD!

No, but... bsky.app/profile/yash...

No, but fascist propagandist Charlie Kirk is unlikely to ever wake up. www.cnn.com/us/live-news...

No, but Focus on the Family founder James Dobson, who spent his life oppressing women, LGBTQ people, and encouraging parents to hit their children, is dead.

No, but one of the architects of the resurgence of fascism in the US is. www.newsweek.com/heritage-fou...

No, but it feels like something extremely cool is about to happen.

No, but Genocide Joe might not be around much longer.

No, but... thehill.com/homenews/sen...

No, but the founder of France's post-World War II fascist movement is. www.bbc.com/news/article...

No, but America's least genocidal president is. www.ajc.com/news/former-...

No, but the CEO responsible for the deaths of thousands of UnitedHealthcare subscribers every year is.

No, and I once again do not have any other good news for you either.

I know this is surprising and disappointing to a lot of people, but Dick Cheney is not dead yet. He has mostly withdrawn from public life since leaving office, which is why you haven't heard much from him lately. I'll keep you updated when that changes.

No, but often-counterfactual "journalist" and xenophobe Lou Dobbs is. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lou_Dobbs

No, and I don't have any other good news for you either. 😞

No, but this personification of ACAB is. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tommy_F...

No, but oil war enthusiast Jim Inhofe is. apnews.com/article/repu...

Alayna Treene of CNN notes that Alito was missing from the bench today and yesterday and that the press office hasn't responded to questions about his absence

No, but forced birth ideologue and former Idaho Supreme Court Chief Justice Daniel Eismann is.

It’s been half a year since Kissinger died and I feel like we all deserve another guy whose death we eagerly await together.

No, but one of the most prolific serial killers in Canadian history is. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_...

No, but the "Butcher of Tehran" is. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ebrahim...

Good morning to everyone who isn't about to get an arrest warrant from the ICC

No, but the list of countries where Benjamin Netanyahu and Yoav Gallant can die of old age as free men just got a lot shorter. www.icc-cpi.int/news/stateme...

No, but Israeli genocide conspirator Itamar Ben-Gvir just got injured in a traffic accident after his car ran a red light. (His license has been suspended multiple times and he is known for ordering his drivers to run red lights.) www.bbc.com/news/world-m...

No, but Joe Lieberman is!

I keep checking the news for recent deaths that might bring joy to my followers, but all I've seen lately is Pigcasso, who almost certainly was not a war criminal and seems to have been hated by none. That'll do, pig. That'll do. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pigcasso

No but another capitalist member of the ruling class who worked to make poor people pay for stuff rich people enjoy and profited off of stolen middle eastern oil is. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jacob_R...

Not yet, but he can't have that much time left.

No, but a former Turkish intelligence official who tried to fuck over the Kurds a different way is. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mehmet_...

No, but austerity ideologue Wolfgang Schäuble, architect of the worst peacetime recession in Greek history, is.

No, but Pinochet finance minister Jorge Cauas is.

No, but an anti-gay-rights campaigning archbishop is. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thomas_...

No, but the Emir of Kuwait is.

Not yet.

No, but Sandra Day O'Connor is.

I have no ambition to be famous, but I do want to watch an interview where a journalist explains to Dick Cheney why his name started trending on social media right after Henry Kissinger died.

Dick Cheney getting promoted to #1 on the list of people who should have died already could potentially be a good opportunity to raise awareness about all the dangers that less privileged transplant recipients have to worry about, if done right. That said... 1/

Header photo is a screen capture from an ISIS video of US-armed and US-trained Iraqi forces using white Phosphorus over civilian neighborhoods in Mosul in 2017, in continuation of policies established while Dick Cheney was micromanaging the US occupation of Iraq. www.snopes.com/news/2017/06...

Let's fucking go!

Dick Cheney is responsible for hundreds of thousands, possibly millions of deaths, most of them civilians. His own body tried to do the right thing back in 2010, but by a combination of modern technology and a woefully misallocated donor heart, he is somehow still alive.