When you see a fellow parent you recognise at a Secondary School open evening and nearly say hi before remembering that you don't actually know them at all, they're just off Goggle Box

Two lots of fake news from Kefalonia that I'm happy to bust. 1) If you go over De Bosset Bridge from Argostoli to Drapano you will instantly be robbed by bandits: Happy to report this is nonsense 2) All the shops & restaurants prefer card instead of cash: Also nonsense. Must be Gov propaganda!

Graphic design fail, looks like arrows going up 🤦‍♂️

Oh no, imagine if we can't safely travel home and have to stay longer, that would be terrible

Guys, I just switched off dark mode and even bad news looks a little brighter now.

Forever disappointed that these are not in fact circular discs of butter.

A family member always gets me a year's subscription to @privateeyenews.bsky.social and while I love to read it when I have time, there are some times when the new one arrives and it feels like barely unwrapped the previous one. Trying not to recreate my unread email count in unread Private Eyes.

It's that time of the year again when I start wondering why buying fireworks is still a thing. Organised displays: Go for it ✅ Setting off a mega rocket blaster 3000 at 1am in the local woods: Hell no!❌

Maybe they just need to make it easier to pronounce

In a rare moment of tech ineptitude I called out a TV aerial man today as the signal had died. He sat me down & said "look, aerial installation is a dying trade, they're only for old people now & I can't get my ladder up safely anyway." So I just pulled out, plugged back in and... works fine now 🤷‍♂️

Our local 'cosy village' Facebook page recently had a post that started "Suspected immigrant..." and it made me really angry. What does 'suspected immigrant' even mean? I'm guessing they didn't mean 'suspected Norwegian'.

Me, trying to ease the users' transition to Windows 11 by setting the taskbar to left-aligned. User: "Hey can you upgrade my laptop please, I can't see the Windows 11 installer?" Me: *checks intune* "Erm, that's because you're already on Windows 11"

Trying to get the kids to have a sort out of their teddy collection. Youngest has said she wants all the "take to charity shop" pile of the eldest's teddies. Feels like they worked this out in advance 😩

The irony of having to click thru this to find all the tickets have gone but they're now on Viagogo and Stubhub

Driving through Leeds seeing George Crosses painted on mini roundabouts by racist Farage-followers gives me 'legitimate concerns' about the silence of Starmer and the rest of the government

Is this a record? Festive sweets for sale in August? 🎄

Little-known fact: Cats can sense the desperation in your voice when calling for them to come in just before you're due to go on holiday, then punish you by staying hidden for as long as possible.

Ventured into the Real World ™️ today (shopping centre) and didn't realise how common the Lego man / bowl cut / fringe thing is.

These keep popping up on the local Facebook free page (sans computing hardware) and it takes all of my willpower to fight the urge to get it and repopulate with some bobbins Tiny computer from the late 90s

My youngest is 9 years old today and the thing she's MOST excited about is... Going in the loft 😄

"Energy cannot be created or destroyed, only transformed from one form to another" but for workload before and after going on annual leave 😩

Help me suggest new ways of working to the user who complains of slow #Microsoft Outlook performance yet has 15,000 *FOLDERS*. The even better (worse) part is that they're named [dd]-[mm]-[yyyy]-[subject] and the user manually sorts the folder order which gets ignored on the next launch 😩

A great example of my gardening skills. Booking now for autumn pruning 🪴

Not me running ipconfig /release on a remote machine. Oh no, definitely NOT me 🤦‍♂️

Just spoke to a member of staff at a car dealership who pronounced it as Ren-olt and wouldn't that get mentioned in the induction process?

Always have music playing in the background when I'm working, and when I'm driving, yet I've just started listening to music on headphones on an evening when everyone else has gone to bed and it's quite amazing how much detail you miss when you're not really paying proper attention.

Where would we be without Meta AI asking the important questions?

After a carefully choreographed handover at granny's, for a few days away from home, the creeping realisation that we forgot the youngest's bag of teddies can only mean one thing. Drive back home and back to granny's to perform a covert bag drop before bedtime. Mission accomplished 🥷

Just opened up my popup tent to see what state it's in for selling / giving away. Last used at Bestival in 2010. Disappointed to only find 86p, a pair of ear plugs and a filter tip.

Just dropped the car off at a new garage, highly rated by the locals but is basically a house with a big driveway. And the mechanic wasn't at home. And I just posted the keys through his letterbox. Just realised I wouldn't have a leg to stand on if I never saw the car again 😬

My youngest seems determined to get onto Operation Ouch. Currently sitting at a friend's house with a cocktail stick in her hand.

I am a computer hacker in a tv show or film, and sit wearing my hoody up in a room dimly lit by the glow of my screen, whilst every tiny action i perform generates endless bleeps and bloops

As a child, watching Harrogate Town play football, I opened a pack of crisps by squashing them until they popped. They all fell out the bottom of the bag, I was distraught and vowed to avoid watching any more football for the rest of my life.

Feeling slightly disappointed the age verification decided so quickly I was an adult. Was hoping for at least a bit of back and forth, and maybe a guess of my age too.

Not me looking for my car keys before leaving the house to pick up my car from the garage 🤦

So far this school holiday the car has bled out and we're now looking after a sick hedgehog. And it's still the first weekend!

Fun chat with garage this morning: 👨‍🔧: "Are you SURE it was coolant on the drive? Where was it coming from?" Me: "Yes, it was red and I can see it dripping below the engine" 👨‍🔧 :"Might it have been air conditioning condensation?" Me: "Well the coolant tank is empty and there's a 'coolant low' warning"

Yesterday: Searching for a new bike for the youngest Today: Scratch that. Searching for a new car as ours has just bled red coolant all over the drive.

Watch this on your telly instead of your phone screen for maximum benefit.

Not saying I've got bat hearing but realised the USB optical mouse I'm using today emits a high pitched whine every time the cursor moves. And it's really annoying me now.

If you had some random bits of tat to get rid of, your only 2 options were to get up at 5am to sell at a local car boot or donate to charity.

Facebook Marketplace: The Poem Mountain bike, Free. Not free, Open to offers.

Got a lovely garden table & chairs from ikea. Perfect for the family to eat outside on a warm summer's eve. Only we've not reached the end of a single meal yet without at least one of the kids running away screaming because a wasp (usually a hoverfly) has buzzed over to say hi.

I will never understand non-ironic mullets. Unless they're all ironic and the joke's on me?

Only realised after I'd sent the message to my wife to say I'm bringing a new 'thin client' home with me how inappropriate it could've been.

Happy #FlyingAntDay

Sold my first item on Vinted and the buyer can't stop telling me how happy he is about it (double plug socket with built in USB, if you're asking). Is this normal?

Top tip 💡 Get one of these kettles with a built in brita water filter and save loads of energy cos you can't be bothered to wait for it to fill up so never actually use it

Imagine being called Al these days. ALAN, stop using all the water! ALAN, you drew too many fingers! ALAN, stop being a massive racist!

I warned my kids about the dangers of buying stuff from Temu and now they insist on Certificates of Conformity to be included with any squishy presents from their friends