rain falls in one direction spitting at the clouds one of many fruitless endeavors take the soak chilled to the bone there's still a destination discomfort prods you forward

Write poetry. You can't reread tears.

In this episode of To The Bone, we explore Get Well Soon: Making the Most of Your Bad Health by Kirsty Mills and the existential reality of chronic illness it quietly reveals. apple.co/3OSMxw8

waking to a dawn as I get my teeth kicked in smiling the taste of iron with an fu grin nightmare always on nerves still quake sleep it off next life this one needs me awake

close the loop let it fade dusk was my favorite as I become night

Crows squawking Heartfelt cries of solidarity Life on a branch While I sit inside Nature is teaching While I learn nothing #heartfelt #vss365

If this wonky graffiti doesn't hit It's probably not you I sing out of tune and dance off step I can't gets these words out Without a little wobble Thank you for your patience Trying to make sense out of what I can't #wonky #vss365

Been down so low To stoop to your level I’ll need a ladder Climb those steps To find your lowest #stoop #vss365

Not trying to be slapdash I write swiftly Time of the essence Have to get the words out Before critic arrives #slapdash #vss354

Trip over words Stammering stanzas Rarely make sense I’m the kooky monster #kooky #vss365

I can be the tightrope you walk on

Frayed strands of decency Swim in the neuronal soup Lifeguards were never on duty And that may have been the point

Some pain doesn’t come with a lesson. This week on the To The Bone podcast, I explore Kate Bowler’s challenge to toxic optimism and what it means to live honestly with illness, uncertainty, and a fragile body.

We forget the wrong memories

Delivery of words Scrawled on this blackboard Slanted rhymes From confusing times Only to be scrapped For nothing anyone is searching for #delivery #vss365

I pay rent in chaos Grace of a panda With a barbed wire mouth My self talk keeps me locked in As I shred what’s left to be found

I no longer adorn the crown of thorns with tinsel The holidays are over Snow is gray on the sidewalks Culturally sanctioned joy must await the next purchase I'm told it's to love another or the expression of Yet my heart beats compassionately every day #adorn #vss365

"love is not a victory march" Leonard Cohen

I only go for the violins Can't play it or name it Couldn't give you a reason Symphony is my airport With the one instrument Lifting me out of my mind #symphony #vss365

Being haunted Pursued by my own thoughts An existenial imposition As sure as the sun rises Spooked by consciousness Leaving me abraded But also patient Also kind Also aware of the ghost Floating in your own mind #spooked #vss365

Dreaded the diagnosis Sweated through the waiting chair Relieved when they finally spoke it It wasn't what I feared It was just an oddball #oddball #vss365

Things break to give me time To slow down Ask for help And slow it down even further Everything is going to break These are my speed bumps

Longing for adulthood ignorance A simplicity of who can play today Did my friend show up for school Or do I have to play with the others Seeking out the past Clueless of how to find it I'm grasping at smoke Trying to put it back into the candle #clueless #vss365

Existential concussion Silence ringing in my ears Forgetting the wrong memories While freedoms slowly wither A frozen cocoon of uncertainty Waiting to be unthawed Light the match anyways Burning it down for warmth

This is a teapot whistle Not words published No grants given Balderdash scribblings For those scrolling by This is not the manuscript No agent here These are bent words Shaped as key As I get out of my mind #balderdash #vss365

When the damn of distractions breaks Allow yourself to feel it Cry, draw, paint, or share in your way No justifications needed Just allow and notice it all

I walked into Friday An abstraction of a day Lines and colors Seemingly knowing it other A labyrinth for myself Instead of solving Or walking the maze I took a seat Pondering layers before me #abstraction #vss365 #jacksonpollock

Delight in my frights As I navigate the new Where does this go? Fear will be my compass As I step on fresh snow #delight #vss365

"There may be more beautiful times, but this one is ours," Jean-Paul Sartre

Happy can mean whatever you want it to mean tonight. For me, it’s an acknowledgment of life, as compared to the typical joyful celebration.

Life will hit you. Keep going.

And all my dreams It´s never quite as it seems Waiting for changes The ones only I see But it never seems to be The ones meant for me #dream #vss365 #thecranberries

There’s unrest No demons Or possessions Agitated soul Seeking quiet Oddly, it’s conversation It’s a share A story, buts it’s not alone Unrest in the silence In isolation, all alone Give me the story Don’t care if it’s good Talk like you mean it I’ll listen because I do

Saw this on a shirt: “You can’t compete with me. I want you to win too.”

Next year I’ll travel To the couch The shower Down the block Oh the sights you’ll see I’m just here for the sunsets #travel #vss365

" #ChronicPain has a way of draining u of your sanity. It sows seeds of #doubt & breeds internal disharmony. U feel like a prisoner trapped within the disjointed island of yr body, with nowhere to escape to & no bridge back to life.": buff.ly/w0UniS2 #MondayBlogs #NEisVoid #ChronicIllness

A flickering neuron Sole messenger With no one to talk to No baton was passed And the race wasn’t won #sole #vss365

Sheets up to the chin Chain mail for the night Not sure if I’m caging it in Or keeping it out Quilts weren’t worn by knights Won’t matter this evening I won’t even be awake for it Once it begins

I don’t write the good ones Those are for me

What if this is the antidote A linguistic labyrinth To banish the malaise If all it takes is a good poem I’ll be here for awhile

Cranium shadows Bounce dutifully Seeking lightness While fading back Back to the corner Plato’s cave In my mind

Humans don’t matter Suffering is inconvenient Education isn’t necessary Healthcare is DIY these days Don’t you understand He has to get to mars Civilization is an afterthought When marketing rules the land #mars #vss365

Having CVID is like having a guard dog with narcolepsy.

Why aren’t funerals at night Whether it’s ashes or I’m planted Make it so in the dark Give it some mystery Dim the lights If anything, it weeds out the crowd Real ones were never afraid of my dark

These words skip across your pond Occasionally meaningful Typically a blur in your scroll But they all sink to the bottom Only to be found by those looking for me

"The answer didn’t come all at once. It came in fragments..slowly, I stopped seeing #authenticity as a performance of #identity & started seeing it as a practice of #alignment. Not becoming someone new. Just becoming more #honest about who I already was.": buff.ly/KEEQeuj by @thethrivingspoonie.com

Called me Air Supply Said I was all out of love But I can wait forever Just having you near me Come what may I can’t let go #air #vss365 #airsupply

What could go wrong What could possibly go wrong Everything and nothing Trees burned from the inside While the forest remained the same Everything was still there Yet nothing still existed

Are tears emotional sweat?