Thanks, but I really need one that covers the rim of the bowl

"Try not. Do. Or do not. There is no try." is the single most bullshit famous line in film history. "Try" is how one gets from "Do not" to "Do," and if you don't try, you won't do anything. If you're really trying to say "Don't overthink it," then just say that (or "Overthink it do not").

Most accurate portrait of modern culture currently available

I guarantee you that if a man talks about having a pattern of getting into relationships with crazy people, he was the crazy one in the relationship each and every time (or at least she wasn't the only crazy one)

I once disarmed a 6'7" machete-wielding madman using nothing more than a stern tone of voice and an outstretched hand.

I'm waiting for the Flock of Seagulls hit to be renamed "L Iberty"

Matt Badloss, is it?

Tracy Morgan and Daniel Radcliffe are starring together in a sitcom about a retired NFL star and a documentarian, and we have now reached peak Mad Libs as a society.

I'm waiting for the Rifftrax version.

Acting ICE Director perjures himself before Congress.

The Muppet Show on Disney+ feels more like the original Muppets than anything I've seen in decades (other than having to adapt to some new voices). Rogen and crew totally pulled it off. I want more.

Post your favorite "Lord of the Rings" character. Wrong answers only. Samwise

Song currently stuck in head: The Boy In The Bubble, Paul Simon.

LA people: ICE IS IN KTOWN

ICE just murdered another U.S. citizen in Minnesota. Masked, trigger-happy agents are acting with impunity, and the Trump Admin yet again rushed to defend ICE before getting the facts. We need accountability. ICE out of our cities. No more money for DHS. Stop the killings.

"They say they're coming to save us from some evil? They're talking about our neighbors who take care of us ... Alex was murdered while he was helping. Mr Rogers said look for the helpers, & right now the helpers have a target on our forehead ... Mr Rogers would be here right now too, so I'm here."

I've never been prouder to have won a writing award named for this man.

Airplane!

I swear, every time I look for sewing supplies...

My Life As A Dog With Big Naturals

Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things With Big Naturals

The Cook, The Thief, His Wife, And Her Lover With Big Naturals

I just love this quote.

Miami Beach Mayor Steven Meiner sends police officers to intimidate and harass local resident for criticizing him in a Facebook post.

And don't come at me with the first two seasons being better unless you like meandering single-camera boomer nostalgia bait punctuated by regular bursts of canned laughter. The studio audience elevated the show immensely.

Then the rest of the world isn't paying attention to what's happening in the streets of Minneapolis.

Happy Days had far more interesting and memorable episodes after Fonzie jumped the shark than before he did so, and yet now it's used as a metaphor for a show having peaked and beginning a sharp dropoff in quality. Fight me on this if it makes you feel better, but you know I'm right.

I'm reminded of hearing about a DI who could keep up a stream of obscene invective for thirty minutes straight without repeating himself once.

How should America's occupying forces govern Venezuela? We asked four unvaccinated MAHA moms at an Amway party in Jacksonville.

"The backlash to the backlash to the thing that's just begun." -Bo Burnham

Monty Python Live at the Hollywood Bowl is underrated. Yes, it's a sketchfest, but sketch comedy was how they made their name, and it's one of the few opportunities to see them in front of a live (non-studio) audience while they were all still alive and in their prime. youtu.be/bg5Vo49Gj4U?...

"Where are they now? With ICE, taking people." A minor tweak in punctuation, and the question answers itself. How efficient.

I don't think that enough people get this. I was raised by two PhDs who taught at the university level, my mother eventually becoming Dean of the department and my father a Professor Emeritus. Growing up, I knew literally dozens of highly educated idiots, many of whom babysat me.

May you all get exactly what you wanted this Christmas youtu.be/bpYTkavEt20?...

This may be the ultimate "I'd have a dime, but still it's weird that it happened twice."

There's a Double Caliente Burger from Tommy's on its way to my house right now, and I'm finally in the Christmas spirit.

Because General Sherman was an underachiever.

Thanks GlobalTV Canada! 🇨🇦

Spouse is making matzo ball soup, which is always cause for celebration.

They've put so much money into AI in order to make a product that nobody wants that now they think their best shot at getting a return on the investment is to put even more money into convincing us that we really like it and just don't know it yet. Classic sunken cost fallacy.

You will be visited by three spirits

I like to think that I accept most signs of middle age with equanimity and something approaching grace, but I do suffer from occasional feelings of horror at how out of control my eyebrow situation has become.

Heinlein drops that to a 75% chance, which is admittedly still pretty high.

The average Joe Rogan fan

"Yes, we took their land, burned their villages, slaughtered their children, assaulted the women, nearly eliminated the entire population through murder, disease, and starvation and herded the rest onto desolate reservations, but they had it coming since they were bloodthirsty."

Every time cate blanchette’s on screen, you gotta say loudly in the movie theater: “dats one classy broad”

The rule of law only works when those involved with enforcing said laws also agree to abide by them. If not, then all bets are off.

He is risen

I love this for her. Unlike the GOP, we don't band together to defend the worst in the party from paying the consequences for their actions.