Jesse Mclaren
@mcjesse.bsky.social
📤 7690
📥 147
📝 75
TV Writer. Snowglobe salesman. Son.
Sad seeing Bruce Springsteen become political. If he wrote Born In The USA today it would be all about how the USA *isn’t* so great 🙄
7 months ago
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Elon is about to sue him for copyright infringment.
11 months ago
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THE WEST WING’S OPENING THEME “This is an important show about important people.” THE WEST WING’S CLOSING THEME “This is the start of a 90s movie about a kid who moved to a new town where he will find an alien who will teach him how to play soccer.”
11 months ago
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I’ll be honest, I never liked Catdog’s vibe.
11 months ago
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ON BUILDING NAMED AFTER CONFEDERATE GENERAL "It's had that name for decades. We must respect history." ON THE BODY OF WATER KNOWN AS THE "GULF OF MEXICO" FOR HALF A MILLENNIUM. "You mean the Gulf of AMERICA."
11 months ago
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When your rebranding is such a failure that a year+ later emergency notifications still have to waste 20 characters on “ (formerly Twitter) .”
11 months ago
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Entering 2015 vs entering 2025
12 months ago
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ME: And in the future, the biggest movie will be about a seductive vampire from Transylvania! BRAM STOKER: Dracula!? ME: Sure.
12 months ago
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Americans realizing their insurance deductibles just reset.
12 months ago
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It’s over. We’re officially done with these.
12 months ago
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I knew it.
add a skeleton here at some point
12 months ago
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Just got the sinking feeling that something terrible is going to happen to Jimmy Carter sometime within the next few years.
12 months ago
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reposted by
Jesse Mclaren
Remember when people thought the Covid vaccine made them become magnetic and instead of bullying them mercilessly we let them choose the president?
12 months ago
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Remember when people thought the Covid vaccine made them become magnetic and instead of bullying them mercilessly we let them choose the president?
12 months ago
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Die Hard is not a “Christmas movie”. It’s Christmas *cinema*.
12 months ago
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Just discovered I can 3D print the cylinder in a music box to make it play any song I want.
loading . . .
about 1 year ago
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I have millennials ghosts. They say they’ll leave my house once interest rates go down
about 1 year ago
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reposted by
Jesse Mclaren
ME THEN: We’re all going to be wiped off the face of the planet soon. 😰 ME NOW: We’re all going to be wiped off the face of the planet soon. 🥰
about 1 year ago
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ME THEN: We’re all going to be wiped off the face of the planet soon. 😰 ME NOW: We’re all going to be wiped off the face of the planet soon. 🥰
about 1 year ago
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Waited until she was in a country with universal healthcare to get a hip replacement. Once again she beat the market.
add a skeleton here at some point
about 1 year ago
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Oh, you’re in the “Christmas Spirit?” Cool. So all October you were just faking being spooky for likes? …Got it.
about 1 year ago
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If you don’t understand why people are infuriated with healthcare companies it’s because there’s a club that you’re not part of yet. Give it time!
about 1 year ago
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When I saw this as a kid I was like “fun fact!” Now I’m like “damn, that shit must have been stressful.”
about 1 year ago
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reposted by
Jesse Mclaren
Weird, I have a specific memory of him not dying.
add a skeleton here at some point
about 1 year ago
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Weird, I have a specific memory of him not dying.
add a skeleton here at some point
about 1 year ago
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NO ONE: PETE HEGSETH’S MOM:
about 1 year ago
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reposted by
Jesse Mclaren
The reason McDonald’s removes the McRib is so Ronald can suck his own dick.
about 1 year ago
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The reason McDonald’s removes the McRib is so Ronald can suck his own dick.
about 1 year ago
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Just bummed Mad Magazine isn’t around for an “Icked” issue.
about 1 year ago
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Ok, this one is for the 90s kids.
about 1 year ago
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Alaskans. I hate to be the one to break it to you. But you’re in Canada. You are Canadian.
about 1 year ago
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reposted by
Jesse Mclaren
Dr. FrankenLarry
about 1 year ago
Shai-Hulud!
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Blessing your timeline.
about 1 year ago
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I truly hope this Christmas Elon Musk is visited by three ghosts and they all just point at his dick and laugh.
about 1 year ago
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FYI: If you see your therapist under suggested friends they’re doing their homework and stalking your crazy ass.
about 1 year ago
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BOOMER MEN: I say whatever's on my mind- *mumbles hurtful shit* BOOMER WOMEN: I say whatever's on my mind- *openly lusts after Ryan Seacrest*
about 1 year ago
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When I open X/Twitter I'm ambushed by jarring racist propaganda and weird posts praising the sites owner all from paid accounts that sound suspiciously like bots. When I open BlueSky the first see is a meme about Drake paying a 25% tariff on beef. This is the better website.
about 1 year ago
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reposted by
Jesse Mclaren
There is nothing more pathetic than reposting yourself.
about 1 year ago
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There is nothing more pathetic than reposting yourself.
about 1 year ago
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Elon is a genius. He was able to cut 80% of Twitter's staff and the only downside is it's value, functionality, experience, revenue, and user-base collapsed. Now on to the U.S. Government!
about 1 year ago
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FROM "I had to vote for fascism. Eggs are too expensive." TO "Sure Trump's plan will crash the economy in the short term, but it's nothing I can't handle!"
about 1 year ago
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These are horcruxes.
about 1 year ago
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Do we think Neil deGrasse Tyson is more upset about the idea of “Defying Gravity” or the concept of “Holding Space”?
about 1 year ago
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reposted by
Jesse Mclaren
about 1 year ago
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I'm staying on Twitter during Elon's leadership simply as a tribute to the female lions who stayed on Pride Rock when Scar took over.
about 1 year ago
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reposted by
Jesse Mclaren
Imagine you’re diagnosed with a rare illness. There’s no cure. Your life is over. A machine artificially keeps you alive in hopes a cure is found. Then, one day, a woman you’ve never seen barges into the room dressed like this, shouts “THIS is a one woman show!” and unplugs you.
over 2 years ago
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Learning the mandolin and discovered a new way to be annoying.
loading . . .
about 1 year ago
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about 1 year ago
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How it feels rebuilding followers on a new social media site.
about 1 year ago
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“I simply had to choose fascism because of the price of eggs” -person paying 100 dollars a year for a blue checkmark.
about 1 year ago
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