this vday gift has me on my knees my vintage dream machine

🤍

kinda weird how many rapists she sends flowers and personal invitations too if u ask me

JK Rowling's team invited Jeffery Epstein to the deathly hallows play and to a Harry potter dinner. www.justice.gov/epstein/file... www.justice.gov/epstein/file...

How shocking. The Sunday Herald, 21 May 2000:

bake him bread 🤝 get bred

smells like ai

a balsamic, crispy onion and scallion sourdough loaf, best loaf I’ve made so far my house smells amazing rn

don’t tap the glass the fish get worked up

going to the boy aquarium

if you’re ever bored, go onto tik tok live and rage bait misogynistic men and watch them die inside

it’s giving “there were three us in this marriage”

blep

i am cat

he thinks he’s a cat

showing this to my nail girl at my next appointment

somebody said she is “sigourney weaver maxing” and i couldn’t agree more

based on my perception alone there seem to be only two types of single men over 30 out there watches football and thinks running/ hiking/physical activities is a fun weekend activity EVERY weekend watches always sunny, hasn’t seen daylight Mon-Fri ,wears fingerless gloves, has a cat, warhammer

this absolutely sent me

we were going through photo albums at Christmas and found old pics of my mum at my age (died when i was young) i literally transitioned into my mother androgynous queen

this card game being coined as ‘the greatest card game ever’ is hilarious and devastating. i need to call my imaginary wife and tell her to wire me more money and also “babe we’ve lost the house”

he’s wearing his favourite football shirt and i think i killed him with “it’s so cute when you cosplay” him: “WHAT?” we are not fucking with men enough

merry christmas

just a lil pre christmas snack

preparing for Christmas as a leftist 🎄

me:

i simply can’t control my facial expressions when people so casually announce “I asked/used ChatGPT for this” anymore, especially in a professional setting it’s getting me in so much trouble and i love watching them try to justify being a fucking moron

why do men twitch so fucking much when they are sleeping, this man just leaped into the air like a fish out of water and gave me a heart attack

i made sourdough bread again

last month it was gardening and now bread ?

yes

twitter is so cooked people are mad at me over sourdough bread

a cheddar cheese and italian herb sourdough loaf, my daughter is excelling baked at 6am this morning and it’s already gone, don’t bake men good bread they will steal it and eat the entire fucking thing when you’re in a meeting or your back is turned.

lil hedgehog sleeping in my allotment 🥹 this feels like i just stumbled upon a rare pokémon, i haven’t seen one irl since i was a kid !

my sourdough accidentally over-proofed so instead of throwing it away i used it to make an Italian herb and cheese foccacia instead

Cordelia is almost a month old! my daughter is getting stronger, here’s a loaf i made with her. 7/10 lil dense, need to work on my bulk fermentation but definitely my best tasting sourdough loaf so far !

mornin

honestly what an honour getting to accept my award last week in such a beautiful building from the deacon commander of the incorporation of gardeners 🥹 need to get this shit framed

hi

bleb

some loaves recently

the waiter walked by and said “slay” and he was correct

your favourite gardening gremlin wins

the plot in november she needed a little refresh

i kinda ate with that one

cordelia is an overachiever, activating in the first two days like girl calm down I haven’t even seasoned my cast iron dutch oven yet for you

yes my whole personality is about to be about my new sourdough starter cordelia, i’m so ashamed to be this white rn

After spending the night in hospital with an allergic reaction and taking a few days to recover I’ve developed tonsillitis, WHOEVER is fucking with my voodoo doll rn pls just give me a break am on my last legs here.

welp

this is currently what i look like in the hospital waiting room following an allergic reaction It’s giving “fuck it’s a sunday” vibes