Family Enters Crisis Talks After Learning Restaurant Has 45-Minute Wait http://theonion.com/family-enters-crisis-talks-after-learning-restaurant-ha-1819577952/

Dreamed that the word “literally” was a shortening of the phrase “literary trickery” and its further shortening to “Lit’ry” was an example of—and I said this so confidently in the dream—something called “linguistic back frogging” As far as I know literally all of this is nonsense TY brain

In all honesty, this shitpost is the best idea I've heard in years.

Is it just me, or is his hair looking extra weird these days? Like "Sorry sir, we're past the point of no return, and this'll just have to do."

How exactly did the 2022 "Chip 'n Dale Rescue Rangers" movie happen? Who was the audience for this supposed to be?

I saw the No Prefects protest the other day, and it was full of paid agitators and lowlifes that hate our quadrant. These people are not representative of Alpha Quadrant. #StarTrek #Sisko197

It's astonishing to me that we haven't collectively realized that we are nearing the end of the First Act of World War III.

I would like to have Werner Herzog and Patrick Warburton duel with pistols for the honor of delivering my eulogy

So we’re now paying federal taxes so Donald Trump can withdraw them from the Treasury like it’s his own personal bank account? Really?

Every elected office at the Federal level should be limited to one term. The more people we get with experience in governing, the better. The less people who see working as an elected official as a career, the better.

Who robbed the Louvre? Right answers only.

This photo accompanying a news story about the heist at the Louvre is perfection.

Going to the Olive Garden to pick up chicks in my fursona weeb dumpster

No amount of "business value" is worth the loss of jobs, the rising electricity costs, and the theft of private data. We're all paying for this "business value" grift. Instead, how about you ask us about ways we can regulate the AI industry in a common sense manner?

Ready for #NoKings tomorrow!

look at all these ANTIFA out today

MSNBC Grandmas in Skechers seamlessly reclaiming the frog from 4chan Nazis in about six weeks has gotta be the political upset of the century.

Hey Microsoft: I'll go back to using a typewriter and carbon sheets before I ever install the AI-infested spyware you're calling Windows 11. Fuck off.

My podunk nowhere town with an out of touch Democratic party run by ancient white Boomers had an almost entirely unpublicized No Kings today. Over 100 people showed up. The momentum is real.

It's painfully plausible that should a true political earthquake happen tomorrow, it could start a sequence of events that eventually results in MTG becoming Speaker. She's one of the few high-profile Republicans with both a willingness to buck her party and unquestionable MAGA bona fides. 🧵

Ronald Reagan said it. #NoKings tomorrow 10/18

There are some tantalizing tattoo options among this spooky Venn diagrams

Is all this AI bullshit ultimately just a way to recoup costs on the giant network of data centers needed to crack SHA2 at scale?

It's hard to help Americans left behind because so much of US identity is rooted in individualism. The average American conservative holds all three positions at once: — Virtue signals about supporting US manufacturing — Against raising the minimum wage — Buys foreign imports because they're cheap

I don't think anyone is prepared for how crazy Halloween is going to be this year.

You know, an inflatable and grotesque ICE agent costume -- beer belly, absurd body armor, about 7-foot tall -- would be quite the Halloween costume.

They also have no way of knowing who is under there. If they start busting the heads of rich, young white kids with well connected parents, there WILL be consequences. They also have no way to target their attacks, so the odds that they accidentally kill these protestors goes up considerably. 1/2

You best start believing in computers, Mr. Leto. You’re in one.

Every single one of these comedians had a choice. They knew how this would play out with a big chunk of their audience, and they decided they'd rather have the money.

Unsolicited Rick pic

Unsolicited Kliq pic

Unsolicited stick pic

Unsolicited Trick Pic

everything is terrible so here's the Muppets channeling Hamilton and bringing me untold joy (via the brilliant brettevansmafrog on insta)

Subtly downgrade a band: Toad the Damp Sprocket

Residents of a San Francisco Bay Area city are on the lookout for an aggressive squirrel that has sent at least two people to the emergency room for medical treatment.

The comments in this week's Dallas Fed survey have to be seen to be believed: ".. uncertainty from the administration’s policies has put a damper on all investment in the oil patch. Those who can are running for the exits." ".. drilling is going to disappear." www.dallasfed.org/research/sur...

L.M.F.A.B.T.O.

I realize that this post is 7 years old, but I need more Thomas the Tank Engine/Biggie Smalls mashups in my life at the moment. youtu.be/h2xMJbGpEzs?...

Disney isn't getting one red cent from me until they decide to grow a spine and push back.

If Delaware reactivated its two underutilized secondary rail lines, electrified them, and ran trains at 79 mph, cars would be slower for travel upstate across all 27 communities served.

I'm at the part of Return of the King where Frodo and Sam are trudging through an interminable wasteland with no end in sight and little hope of success, but they keep moving because quitting is worse

Okay, but--why did all the ladies have to be *single*?

The flute is older than the wheel. A flute fashioned from the bone of a vulture was discovered in a cave in Germany and thought to be 35,000 years old, making it tens of thousands of years older than the wheel. Don’t reinvent the woodwinds.

Ruin a movie title by making it about the spleen: Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spleen

an apple a day keep the doctor away 2 apples a day the doctor has to move out of town 3 apples? doctor go space

Make a band singular: Big Brother & The LLC

Full many a glorious morning have I seen Flatter the mountain tops with sovereign eye, Kissing with golden face the meadows green, Gilding pale streams with heavenly alchemy

Feeling your vibe from across the room.