Up at 5.30am on a Sunday!! Is this what Sundays would be if I didnt go to the pub saturday nights? Fuck that, I am off out next week!

Just went across to our butchers as they are in pub, thanked them for turkey crown. Said was lovely and tasty and moist. His wife said "Just like me" and rubbed her fanny! Her husband pissed himself as apparantly mine and jim's faces were like we'd just sniffed shit. I guess we're deffinatly gay

I have just spent £60 on aftershave for Jamie as he employs my nephew and another member of management is bullying him saying his aftershave stinks. He doesnt want me to tell Uncle Jim, so I am doing the next best thing, i dare her to tell Jamie he stinks.....

Its hard enough as a man (and women too) being compared to other men, without all these AI adonis's flooding all social media... Plus I cant decide if its technically wanking over a cartoon? 🤷

I get to celebrate my birthday for 29hrs, when I say celebrate, I mean be waited on hand and foot!

I do not wish to see women winking at me when they bend down in a thong bikini! Ladies, if your chuff is like a hungry pac man, please wear full swim briefs!

Hey @godisnotaho.bsky.social , can you suck your pastor off or something, and ask him to ask his pal in the sky if he can sort the sun out for us? It's a bit overcast this morning! I'm still enjoying my Pina Colada though, so tickle his balls and thank him for that.

Well its all go this week, last minute decision to fly out to Dominican Republic for a fortnight, mad rush to sign and pay everything at solicitors so we can complete on our new place whilst we're away. Worth it though, chilling with drinks , hoping everything goes through OK on Friday.

So, today at the new place, I managed to put a bin out and forget a remote for the gates. A fat lad climbing over a 8 foot fence and hedge, sweating, swearing and then falling at the other side. The neighbours have been introduced to Ant 🤣🤣.

I know I moan about Jamie, but we've been to pub, had a takeaway, then i wake up 20.mins before a hosepipe ban comes into force, panicking the gardens dry, amd he's out watering the plants.. bless him

Both @peepers.bsky.social and @dwizard.bsky.social told me they relate to this...

Great time to crack/bruise my ribs, when I'm due to travel to the airport and fly out early tomorrow morning. Today is sponsored by tramadol, which doesn't seem to be touching the pain. As the hours pass, it's looking more and more likely I won't be able to go... ☹️

Hey Debs, happy new year and all that, just saw this and had to make the effort to come on here , as when I saw this I knew how much you appreciate the health benefits of turmeric 🤣🤣 @lafeeverte.bsky.social

I think I might be a sex pest! I was admiring a gentleman's bum and wasn't paying attention to when he stopped, so I walked into him. I'm mortified, but also ended up with a slight chubby from my groin hitting his firm lovely arse 🤣🤣

Me last night - I think they forgot to put the chilli in mine, I can't taste any. Me today - OH, they had put chilli in...

Think we made a good choice, investing in a pizza oven. 🐷🐽

This week we have eaten tomatoes, iceberg lettuce, onions and potatoes, all grown by ourselves. I was a bit late with the cucumbers, so they're not ready yet. Quite enjoying this grow your own.

Hey @marvth3martian.bsky.social , @lafeeverte.bsky.social . These are what we've grown from seed. They've been attacked by bugs in my absence though. Sweet williams, lettuce, tumbling tomatoes, mixed flowers, cucumbers, sunflowers and potatoes.

Hey @marvth3martian.bsky.social, it's your yearly reminder 🤣🤣🤣 Yes, I know I'm a C*nt! - @lafeeverte.bsky.social

Ffsk last day of holiday and someone stole our (hotel pool) towels. Policy is €10 per lost towel/card. Jim's fuming, argued with hotel manager resulting in them giving us another 2 towel cards, jim demanded to see cctv as wants to know who stole from us. Manager refused.

Nope, can't do the sun today. Extreme weather alert, the pool is at 35'. The outside 45' and rising, there's a breeze but it's like when you open a hot oven door, so can't take respite in shade. 10 mins outside and now back in the air conditioned room for the rest of the day.

So glad we brought some underpants on this holiday, or my balls would be getting trapped in my flip flops...

Ffsk, I've been laid in the sun everyday and I've tanned like @peepers.bsky.social, go red then white again, and I'm not a ginger like him...

Calling home just to make sure my veg has been fed and watered 🤣🤣

Had to have a sit down, it's hard been 40+ and attending a beach rave... 🤣🤣

It's too hot to even shit stir on socials...

No need for a bath/shower tonight after being in this earlier....

It's Mohito o'clock...

So ready for my holidays on Wednesday, might have more time to annoy social media... 🤣🤣

The Zoo even had a visiting hippo (me).

They're excited to be eaten...

Visiting Kipling Hall nr Northallerton, wouldn't consider buying it as its a listed building, so couldn't fit pvc double glazing...

I had a 3 hour nap this afternoon, old age doesn't look good for me...

I shall not be taking questions on the matter...

We went for a bit of culture this afternoon and jumped on the local bus to Altea. Beautiful place.

Benidorm is definitely a marmite destination, So far I'm ambivalent. Its nice to be away and able to relax, which we've done. Just spent a couple of days in the room watching movies, only coming out for food and drink 🤣

Ola from Benidorm, arrived Saturday and I have a full on cold already. Oh well G&T to the rescue

After many years, I am finally going to Benidorm! Roll on a week tomorrow. I know I come across as posh like @lafeeverte.bsky.social, but like her, I'm all fur coat and no knickers. Can't wait..

Power outage again, love country living.

I feel for people in retail. My OH is a senior manager in it, he's worked christmas and will be New Year. We managed a quick evening dash to pub and he's on the phone sorting staff grievances and arguments out, phones red hot! No christmas for retail. 😒🙄

My FB friends list just keeps getting smaller and smaller....

🤔😁🤣

Jamie and I had an argument last night, but he needs me to do something for him today. So this morning he had to wake me up with a coffee being nice, I know he was choking inside having to do it! So it's made my day 🤣🤣🤣🤣

OMG, @godisnotaho.bsky.social has released a song about church group...

Due to popular demand and for a limited time only....

Me - What's the voucher number for our £5 off the takeaway. Jim - 30 dash 10 dash 23 Me - that's the f*cking expiry date!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Maybe because we have beer and I'm excited about bingo, so not bothering him.. 🤣

Not sure if Jamie's finally smiling or has wind....

We're getting fat and old......

Just farted outside pub, Jim was down wind, so now I'm known as "Minging C*nt" 🤣🤣