The faster I eat these pickles, the more juice I have to brine this chicken

The vibes tonight were Bad and the dishwasher was Broken.

Look at me, I'm the Time & Temperature now 1:38AM; 82°. Ugh, we're going to die.

My bagels, stale My mayor, an arsehole My sports teams, none of my business I live in a weird little city

Wow, if you ovulate hard enough men just come out of the woodwork, don't they

I believe an important factor in breakfast sandwich deliciousness is someone else making it for you. Either because they love you enough to, or because you paid them some money for it.

I got sunburned just walking back and forth from the laundromat today, but I'll probably still go to the beach tomorrow anyhow

Ah yes, a day off from my job at a restaurant. Time to watch the new season of The Bear.

I hope the two spiders who live on my bedroom ceiling are friends

Leaving for work in 5 minutes, and thinking to yourself, "Oh shit, did I eat today?" is not the greatest move! (Yes, I had a breakfast pizza and some loukamades - and I can get the chefs to make me a snack before closing later)

I applied for a job I don't actually think I want on Indeed, and now I'm in a weird text interview with either a bot or a manager relying HEAVILY on AI. Goddamnit.

i've said it before and i'll say it again: i should be able to eat a gyro every day without consequences

It should be noted that Kimmy is also killing it

Argh, the cute bottoms were backordered, now cancelled Where do you shop for mildly slutty swimwear?

Same

Pride Parade highlight: your second-favorite childhood pastor wearing a pink shirt with their clerical collar and waving like the queen 🩷🩷

It's called DiSaSsOsCiAtInG

Added this Portland icon to help hold things together

I bought it, I finally ate some. It's straight up liquified Nutty Bars. It's all over for us, friends.

"Buttons, people don't change. Not into birds or otherwise" - Edward Teach, born on a beach 🖤🖤

The gas station owners who play classical music on loudspeakers to shoo off the unhoused are blowing it on two fronts: 1) that's classist horse shit 2) if you want it to work you might try aggressive Wagner or some real esoteric art shit. The Fantasia soundtrack ain't scaring no one

I love my apartment and I never want to leave it, but I live in a fucking pizza oven

"What's your favorite drink to make?" [It absolutely does not matter what my answer was] "I'll have a vodka soda with lime."

Looking for PT gigs to supplement my restaurant hours, and got an Indeed invite to apply as Inventory Manager at a bead store - literally a bead counter. Why the fuck not? What an absurd and whimsical job to even exist.

Not David Hockney!

Hot water? Who TF would ever need that shit?

I was jealous of how great everyone at the beach yesterday looked in their cheeky bikinis, and I might be about to impulse buy myself one too. Sun's out, buns out is an admirable vibe.

Cleaned the kitchen, went to the beach, had a shower beer, did the laundry. I guess I'll go fucking vote... Ugh

I love you, Midnight Macaroni 🧡🧡

Eleanor Freidberger is wearing incredible trousers

My new favorite word in French is << concombre >> Love to talk about a French cucumber

I'm hot AND insecure. I should get way more "u up" texts.

I got my new passport in 10 fucking days?? You wanna talk about government efficiency - put whoever's doing these in overall charge.

Liz is busy with house/garden projects so no trivia tonight. But I went to Word Portland instead to see my friend read from their in-progress novel (they killed it!), then came home to make myself kimchi and cheese ramen. Killer Monday night!

Anybody still up? You wanna holler at the moon?

I left my house without a real plan, and unfortunately without a book.

Whoops. Work espresso was a mistake (again)!

Ow, my peets

I wish that using unscented detergent at the laundromat mattered. Unfortunately no matter what, you're stuck with other folks' soap/fabric softener on your linens and clothes always. Yuck.

These kids look like they were born in the same year the pop punk songs they're playing came out

An ice cream cone and a foot rub would fucking rule right now

Welcome back to Night Tw****r I shaved today but it's not like anybody's gonna do anything with that

What do you mean I feel slightly less insane if I leave my house once in a while and eat something?? That can't be right

Of course the street sweeper only comes by when I'm trying to go to sleep

My father was a colour-blind banker, and to this day I retain a fondness and fine taste for menswear since SOMEONE had to help him shop for suits

The chefs were also lamenting about all the gay boys in Portland having straight girlfriends, which I thought was weird because it's mostly gay girls with straight boyfriends from where I sit.

Boy howdy are there some hammered folks in the shared dooryard tonight

Things the chefs gave me while we closed the restaurant tonight: crepe, an entire duck leg, pork rillettes and a lil caviar. I love my job, I love my coworkers.

Got my hairs cut, finally did my passport renewal application online, made the bed, more or less cleaned the bathroom. That's a pretty productive afternoon before work!