happy Thanksgiving yall better be eating good as fuck ion give a fuck about the original meaning of this holiday get with people you fw and eat good frr

I guess I can’t stream until something happens. And my birthday stream is supposed to be next week 😫

I GOT YET ANOTHER INTERVIEW, HOW THE FUCK DO I KEEP DOING IT IM TOO NICE WITH IT

man theres no fucking way i got told a life changing analogy and Minecraft was used as the reference. somehow that game always manages to creep in my life. but DAMN if that wasn't a fire ass analogy

im tryna act mad confident about everything but bro, im nervous as fuck. nervous about doin this work stuff today, and worried about stream tomorrow. imma power through it but DAMN anxiety got hands

to my opps suck my dick til it straightens out again, i just almost landed a dope job, i just got a really sick collab lined up, im stepping out of my comfort zone like IM UPPP MOTION BABY FUCK YOU MEAN

im talking like "isnt it crazy that we just looked at a fruit and decided to call it an apple" to "so do we acknowledge the existence of beings outside of ourselves even though the fear would make us feel entirely small in the world" LIKE I WANNA JUST GO ON WILD TANGENTS FOR AN HOUR

AIGHT I THINK I GOT IT HEAR ME OUT i wanna do a sort of spiral stream, where we sit down and talk about one thought and let that one thought lead into another, and another and another until we are deep as fuck in a rabbit hole of just whatever. THAT WOULD BE SICK RIGHT

im not cooking enough weird shit on the twitch channel, i wanna cook up some strange ass collabs that make people go "Eclipse, what the fuck are you talking about" I NEED SPICE IN MY LIFE I NEED EXCITEMENT RAHH (deleted the last post cuz i said collars. however i am not opposed to that either)

UPDATE SO NOBODY'S CONFUSED- I WILL BE CHANGING MY NAME TO "TOTALLYECLIPSE" ON ALL SOCIALS FROM HERE ON IN! i had a video explaining the reasons but its too big to post so provided you watch my streams ill explain later :3

i wnna rip my vocal cords out so bad

i dont think ive ever felt more dysphoric than i did getting clocked for my voice tn. i hate not sounding feminine, my voice is acc my worst trait and it make me never wanna speak again. fuck my life dude

LIKE IM STILL ON THIS WHAT KIND OF FUCKING FORTUNE COOKIE SPECIFIES "THIS FRIDAY" MAN

i got the escape room job interview saturday, and i shit you not i got a fortune cookie that said "this friday, let go of the past and embrace the future" see its hard to believe fate isnt real with shit like this lmao

oh im actually cooking shit okay im kinda up rn, hard work and faith in myself will surely illuminate my path. im ready to start making dreams come true baby lets get it <3

matter fact fuck it imma just shoot my shot and see where this goes- music oomfs, let's collab. let's make something cool. i wanna work with others and make some dope shit, let's fucking do it <3

also dualposting to bluesky is dope nobody really sees the shit i say here so i can just say whatever lol

fellas it has occured to me i might need to do this song in collaboration with someone that already has knowledge of how to produce music if you wanna make a song with a weird pink dog hit me up, im dedicated to makin this atp

FINALLY INSPIRATION I MUST MAKE A FUNK SONG

wait i really wanna make a FUNK SONG THAT WOULD GO SO HARD I LOVE FUNK MUSIC

also now that im really sitting down and lookin at it, even if i advertise it the music always performs like shit on my YT. chat be deadass with me am i just ass at singing lmao

i made it, im def bouta feel this muscle soreness tmmrw but i made it 🙏

my whole body hurts im dehydrated and exhausted this is the worst moving experience ever lmao

had to adjust my final stop because I had 5 bags and the train didn't allow checked baggage but now i cant get picked up so I have to figure out how to carry 5 heavy ass bags across new york im so fucking tired bro praying to god doesn't do shit 💀

im also really just trying to distract myself from the fact im moving tonight. Trying to act nonchalant but im honestly so sad about it. I am excited for a new beginning though. I hope I can finally live instead of surviving

they rereleasing Sinners in imax?? oh hell yeah im bouta go watch it a 4th time, also you have not seen sinners you are missing out on one of the best movies of all time and I mean that 🙏

alan wake 2 especially was damn near life changing for me its so FUCKING GOOD MAN RAHHHH ALAN WAKE PROPAGANDA

im serious btw. if you have not played alan wake and want to get into it, LET ME KNOW. I WILL GIVE YOU A DETAILED BREAKDOWN ON WHICH ORDER TO PLAY THE GAMES IN. I AM INCREDIBLY AUTISTIC ABOUT THIS. PLEASE PLAY ALAN WAKE IM BEGGING ITS SO PEAK

i needa make a video rambling abt my favorite autism hyperfixation alan wake and the remedy connected universe

i am so stressed it isnt funny but ion wanna do no like, substance abuse or nothing and I suck shit at meditation i just wanna like sink a hole and kinda be alone for a bit yk

i think i got it lmao

WE GOOD NVM

its 7 mins past scheduled time and nothing am i cooked chat

ONE HOURRR

awww fuck dude my deep insecurity that im not actually good at singing and people are just telling me that to make me feel better is slowly coming back and I feel like dog ass ;w;

i also worry that im whining too much but I've also come further than most of the people I know, but fully honesty? i've just been making this shit up as I go, but I want more steadiness cuz im kinda tired of operating that way lol

ughhh dude these late night thoughts are kicking my ass. im kinda using bluesky as a vent platform since theres less eyes. honestly this music shit is kinda difficult and I wish I had someone to point me in the right direction, cause I have *no* clue what im doing 😭 glad its working tho, I think

waiting for this job interview later today is gonna be crazy stressful, everything about this job (including that it isnt retail or food service) is stupid ideal and I REALLY need it, please please please keep your fingers crossed for me

im lowkey kinda up rn, I got this interview as a game master at an escape room on friday, I'm getting over my fear of creating and people are telling me I sound good (which i was also scared of) im bouta move soon, like okay let's keep it up :D

i immediately regret uploading that video but imma leave it up lmao I feel embarrassed asf

VIDEO IS LIVEEEE GO WATCH ITTT :333 youtu.be/AHuvzQi-JkU

dropping the video at 3pm EST 🙏 im stupid nervous but ive already committed so lets do it lmao

ITS DONE its also sitting at ten mins, which is my longest youtube video :D will be uploading tomorrow afternoon, ill post a link to it here when it releases!!

aight so i MAYYY have gotten a little too into it and ended up doing a third cover cuz fuck itwhy not i cannot stress to you how inspired i felt after today lmao anyway ill be releasing all these covers in ONE, YES ONE video will be starting visuals tmmrw :3

decided to fuck around and learn how to use audacity and finished this tn :3 to be released alongside another cover of another song from this album (can yall tell i REALLY like this album :3) should have visuals and the video released before i move out, stay tuneed

maybe its my lingering fear of the future, but i kinda miss when i used to dabble in tarot cards. I KNOW it seems like a wild thing to believe in, but when someone shuffles a couple cards and recounts your past, and predicts your future it gets very real, very quick. wild stuff

i have GOTTA get my hands on an acoustic guitar

im either bouta have the worst mental episode in my life or im bout to finally have understanding of me. i am excited either way :3

man i feel so weird in saying a fucking youtube video might've just shifted something in my soul but everything feels different now. something def changed. i wanna explore this a little more fr

yall imma tweet this here cuz i feel safer and i dont want anyone thinking im nuts but if i start getting into spiritual shit again pls dont worry about me fr im just explorin a lil