Fuck. I’m gonna finally have to start doing stand up

Remembering why I hadn’t been out to the bar during a Knicks game this postseason

Making it a new goal to, entirely through having conversations with different people at bars, get the New York Sirens to start playing their games at Barclays Center

I’ve never played starfox or any other Nintendo game so it’s been doubly annoying and upsetting today finding out how mad some people are about not being horny for him

@battingaround.bsky.social catching up on the last couple episodes and re: marlins pride night. They are having one with a jersey giveaway on June 5 against the Rays. Don’t know why it isn’t on the promotional schedule www.mlb.com/marlins/tick...

I do not and have never gambled on sports beyond an office March Madness pool or Super Bowl squares at my regular bar

Need help interpreting these results, perhaps from AI

This shit whips

Realized it was never “constructed” at a certain point while really young. Raised catholic, but can’t remember a point I ever felt like I believed in it. Went through the motions up to communion before my mom stopped being able to pay for CCD at our church. Started saying I was an atheist at like 11

Saw Sirat in theaters tonight, beginning night one of my six nights straight of going to the movies before before the Oscars on Sunday

These are calling to me. I need to fight the impulse to buy these to wear to the bar this summer because I know I’ll look like a moron but god I’ll feel so free

Three races into the NASCAR Cup season, here's all of your winners: Race 1: Woke Short King Tyler Reddick Race 2: Woke Short King Tyler Reddick Race 3: Woke Short King Tyler Reddick Woke 2 is absolutely here.

New swan boy is perfect to start some discourse: how much underwear do you pack for a trip? I do two per day I’ll be there, optimistically I will not shit myself more than once per day at most

Jog a mile every hour for 10 hours. After that, the beers and tacos with some coffee breaks interspersed over the next 14 hours are child's play.

Problem solves itself if they're all going to prison after that

Days like this that make me wish I still lived a short walk from my favorite bar so I could walk there through the snow

@cjzero.bsky.social can you grab a screencap of the guy in the Miami Hurricanes hockey jersey room a couple minutes ago. Unexpected jersey to show up in Milan

Canada defeated by a man born in Florida, the spiritual home of the sport of hockey

Managed a 45.2/50 on this. It was fun

Is wearing this as a joke worth $50? I’m trying to convince myself it’s not

I have access to a few servers from podcasts I subscribe to but have never been able to use discord because it stresses me out

Pitbull

Doggingbert. He’s like Dogbert but he loves fucking in parking lots

Instagram had realized I’m back in Florida and the first Florida-specific ad it’s given me is one of a scrap metal yard that had hot girls in bikinis selling scrap copper

www.maptap.gg February 3 96🔥 99🎯 100🎯 88🎉 91👑 Final score: 932

www.maptap.gg January 26 99🎯 96🔥 91🏆 99🎯 100🎯 Final score: 974

I’ve been waiting to see the Dolphins win a playoff game for two years and two months longer than ICE has existed

Five concerts you've seen with women lead singers My five most recent: Weakened Friends Momma Pool Kids Rilo Kiley The Dreaded Laramie

You simply cannot fool me. I know Stella Artois and I know it tastes awful

Why am I now getting Instagram ads from multiple companies for sheer boxer briefs? What do they think I’m getting into now?

Imagine being a Toledo senior who doesn’t make the NFL. Your last memory of your football career is failing to win a giant bowl of beans to share with your teammates. Years of workouts, practices, injuries… all to be denied the beans

Do they literally just have a tiny video of the stadium clock for the time on the score bug for the Villanova-Tarleton game?

Texas high schoolers: it’s time to bully like you’ve never bullied before. No nerd un-swirlied, no locker unstuffed. Godspeed, kids who smoke at lunch; you carry a nation’s future

Getting sprayed by a skunk and getting revenge by sharting on it

A maicito mixto, which is sweet corn covered in melted cheese, crushed potato chips, chicken, beef and bacon, & cilantro mayo, pink sauce & pineapple sauce. Best eaten at 4 am while very drunk. This one is from Los Perros in Fontainebleau in Miami, which opened till 6 am most nights.

Every speed limit should be dropped by 20mph and if that would get it to zero or less, cars shouldn’t be there

Pizzagate: If you replace the word “hot dog” with “little boy” and “pizza party” with “child sex orgy,” you will see the lengths these elites go to cover up their crimes. Real elite emails: Send me nude pictures of those 8th graders we abused last weekend post-haste! I am the Ambassador to Turkey.

The most recent swan boy really conflicts with my theory of the alternating 12-15 year “long” and 5-8 year “short” cultural decade

The Chiefs being bad is simply a harbinger of Woke 2. And it shall be woker than ever

I'm doing the inverse. Rom-com with an indie-pop cover of an eyehategod song

If they build a better autism treatment, we’ll just build a better autist

I'm just nice guy looking for a woman who can do it all Fielding Throwing Base running Hitting Hitting for power

There’s shit I’d miss, but I’d go blue. Japanese, Korean, most of Southeast Asia, Australian cafes & pub food (I’m sure there’s a lot more to Australian food I'm not familiar with yet, but that's a common craving), & that's before getting into Oceanian cuisine. I could be pretty happy with that

I went to high school with Danny Ramirez from the various Marvel things

I hope it hurt as much as he deserved