the great wolf lodge is a gesamtkunstwerk and I'm tired of pretending it's not

if you were in the ensemble of m night shyamalan's 2021 magnum opus Old... just know that i will cheer every time you pop up in another film. shoutouts Jarin getting that bag in Project Hail Mary. that's my male nurse GOAT.

chefBI

you guys don't know the psychic toll it inflicts to know that the guy who shows up occasionally at the bar where you do karaoke is toronto spiderman

space Bill Clinton would play the saxoETphonehome

Jeremy Fragrance declared winner of April Fools 2026 for rebrand to "Jeremy Bagels" in an epic team up with Dempsters. Watch now.

hungry dudes will listen to frank sinatra because they want a hot dog

hungry dudes will miss the twist at the end of the usual suspects cause they're thinking about a Kaiser sandwich

hungry dudes will be like "i come with instructions stating i should be smashed with a ham sandwich"

it's actually so rad that IUDs look like grappling hooks. massive win for feminism.

you guys feel free to put me in your starter packs btw. I know you probably assume I'm already there because I'm so good at posting but we really gotta work together to make Chris Kattan an iconic profile picture that everyone associates with quality riffs

lot of people on dating apps these days just doing letters for names. if i wanted to swipe letters, i'd rob the mailman

did you sneeze when you fell from heaven

back in tarzan times they charged for telegrams by the word, so people would send messages addressed to Wehadamonkey Itsaboy to save money

it's an oft repeated fact that Phil Collins wrote You'll Be In My Heart about his daughter but, if you listen to the lyrics closely, it's clearly about hanging out with monkeys

the pube factory called. they said your dad did his organ donation card and wrote in "instead of my organs to science, plz forward my pubes to the pubes factory when i die"

oh no i looked at a photo of Chris Kattan in House On Haunted Hill and i'm spiraling again

another problematic stranger things cast member smh

went to the salon asking for a blowout and the guy just went to buy a gun?

saxon musk went to stay at the neutral milk hotel and everyone there already knew him

i never did improv classes because i'm scared that i'd walk in and someone would say "we come here for yes and. get outta here with your no butt"

everytime time I see a photo of clean-shaven Pedro Pascal i start barking like a dog. i cared nothing for the man with his moustache, i don't know where this came from

who is this guy??? weird name much?

i'm simply the king of da apps

nobody tells you that dating apps help develop the soft skills to tell a 3rd party vendor you won't be moving forward with them for this project

exoplanet is such a fake term. that shit is a planet. oh you're one of countless objects that aren't one of the 8 in our immediate neighbourhood? better have a prefix. loser behaviour.

we should be allowed to trade our teeth like pokemon

italian will.i.am on oj simpson's legal team be like "wear-a the glove"

will.i.am getting ready to go outside be like "where is the glove" 😂😂

setting my white noise machine to cheese noises to lure out a mouse overnight

if having a hickey makes you unfit for office then impeach me right now

melancholic cumtown edits set to Abba on the timeline

no but seriously like .... it is tho

just realized why they call it paper towel... 🤯

Canada has its finest spellcasters on this Hellybuyck situation. our warlocks and witches are working around the clock.

sidney crosby has the face of a tyrannical preteen king who loves sweets. this vision came to me in a waking dream.

shoe is too big

i can't see pictures of trump wistfully staring out of windows without thinking about the Wells For Sensitive Boy sketch

people are sleeping on this now but future historians are gonna love this. they'll be calling out bumbilical cords on all the fossilized human poop they find after we all get pompeiid

i like when hockey commentators say a player can make the ice bigger or smaller because it's fun to think the player is some sort of magneto for ice

FUCK i just came up with "Osama Bin Labo" why the fuck didn't i think of that back in 2018. i could've had a podcast by now with the heat from that post

when you look at your dump and it's got a little dangly strand sticking out... that's the bumbilical cord

pickup truck birthday party everyone's invited

it's so fucked up when you look at the clock on your stove and it's 3:50. freaks your fuckin mind

it's an alien model, a flying kind of car

just gonna get this out of the way early so people stop asking whenever something crazy happens, if the news isn't any of these things it wasn't on my 2026 bingo card B14 B4 B10 B8 B12 I30 I28 I23 I16 I27 N41 N35 N43 N39 G53 G57 G46 G48 G56 O74 O68 O75 O70 O66

walking through the polar vortex to go take a shit at the mall because your apartment is having plumbing issues. listening to the Marty Supreme score. you will never feel more alive.

wheatus could've made champagne supernova but oasis could never make teenage dirtbag