thinking about a a guy that was goofin off and folded his lips up and put bent veggie straws up there in place of his lips and the veggie straws cut his gums and it got infected and then he jacked off with a curtain cord around his neck and died in a closet. yes i’m thinking about David Carradine

daddies got a wabbo cubbis

a nerdy highscool girl movie glow up but it’s a guy putting caesar salad on top of a chicken cheesesteak

love at first suck off

wallaby hit up walmart for some marmite

there’s like 7 little sicily pizzas in every american city, i’m going to open the first big sicily pizza in philadelphia

just hanging under the ‘toe drinking orange wine, waiting for a kiss

hanging my name to belpus telpus

driving on the weekend makes me feel insane going 68 in a 65 and ripping past people as if they’re standing still. what is even happening

i think it would be sick as hell to be one of those white people that like have so much money that they quit their day job and buy some big farm in new england and hand sew some some fuckin canvas aprons and sell them for like $900 when you feel like it

me when they’ve got to make a rough puff on bake off

the thing about new Orleans is that it always feels like midnight once the sun sets

forgot to do the bit this year where i listen to a random bad song from the distant past 100 times on Spotify and im in the top 0.00001% of listeners for that artist. it’s something that is bad for my mental heath so probably for the best that i forgot to do it. anyway here’s last years wrap

going to spend the rest of my life inventing a new dessert there has been little to no movement on new desserts since the cronut

ken burns is da goat even with that haircut

this is not realistic but it’s true

the limu emu bit my cousin in the nutsack. and doug? he ate the balls that spilled out

everyone is mad at the eagles

i’m thankful for my hubbeh tom thumb

turns out that i’m 100% quartz

A wolf spider that lives on a dock is called a dock spider. But wolf spider that lives in a meadow is not called a meadow spider. The wolf spider that lives on my Nutsack is called Henry the nutsack spider.

hunca munca rising

only a gigantic piece of human garbage would fuckin wear a mock turtleneck shirt i’m getting worked up just thinking about it

🏈 TB 32 - 44 BUF FINAL ✅ That's Scorigami!! It's the 1095th unique final score in NFL history.

wow cool app can i enter a passcode to see a message that was sent to me directly? no passcode?!? cmon man you gotta encrypt your private messages it literally so important

🏈 JAX 29 - 36 HOU FINAL ✅ That's Scorigami!! It's the 1094th unique final score in NFL history.

mike and da mechanics

still working on my mamdani victory post bear with me here

dilk choiney bit da dust

me hearing the dr telling me i’ve got tuberculosis: you mean i’m berked up??? i’m on tubby mode?????

i’ve got insane tuberculosis and also fucking insanely heavy plaque psoriasis is there a medicine for me to take that won’t have any side effects from either of these things

'JD Vance talks to Charlie Kirk in hell'

i was at a bar with a friend and some other guys started talking to us and they asked what we did for a living and we told them our rather mundane jobs and one of the guys hadn’t had a job for a while and he started apologizing, “i’m sorry i’m such a huge piece of shit” like we were his father

they should put pets in charge

they should make edible concrete

driving to a place to do things for money then driving to a place to spend that money then driving to a place that money bought so you can sleep

all game 5s or 7s should simply start in over time/extra innings or w/e let’s end it without all the pussyfooting around

there is very little more satisfying to a teenage boy than jumping up and slapping the top of a door frame or street sign

when they round me up and send me to the camps i’ll be the one teaching children about things like a band called Hoobastank that sold 10 million records and that time michael jackson held his child named blanket over a railing for the paparazzi

FOOD/SANKA.GIF

N: London, England S: New Orleans, Louisiana E: London, England W: San Francisco, California

sometimes you see a guy and ur like this mother fucker is from Whitpain Township

oh you like to get wet????oh ok step outside of your hovel in the northern hemisphere between 30 and 60 latitude in the summer months you rotten wet rat you dirty moist dog you unwashed phantom of rotten flesh you dogs cunt you melted rabbit you uncured meat

in the 1970s wetness was wetter than wetness is these days. we need to go back when wetness was wetter. we need to go back to when a wet warsh cloth meant something

watching baseball @jonbois.bsky.social

me walking anywhere in philadelphia for more than two blocks after living here for almost 30 years: jesus christ what the fuck is going on

oh hell yea baby