“DoorDash Grandma” doesn’t even come close to the top ten on today’s Bleakest American Shit countdown.

Credit where it’s due: she definitely looms.

I'm about to join @jimmypardo.com on stage for The @NeverNotFunny.com 20th Anniversary Spectacular! Watch live at nevernotfunny.com #NNF20

I’m sorry but this woman looks like Alfred E. Neuman.

Not the biggest thing, but when this is over, let’s not say “POTUS” anymore. It’s like calling The Replacements “The ‘Mats.” Unearned and weird.

If you ask a couple who is NOT reportedly at the center of an international sex trafficking ring how they met and the first thing one of them says is “WE MET BY CHANCE,” you are at the very least thinking “Oh, the apps.”

“I met my husband by chance” is such a wonderfully normal thing to say.

YESSSSS

Can’t name a guy Blanche and expect him not to be horny.

When you need to see the dumbest possible take, there is only one place to go.

Not the point, but this guy looks like Doug.

Loves the Bible! Old Testament and New Testament equally!

Love Story finale spoiler: I’m pretty sure that at your funeral, the priest does not splish holy water all over your headshot.

These people are even corny when they’re kinky.

These people are in a Deadest Behind The Eyes pageant, and they’re all winning.

This is smart because cash prices are lower at gas stations so you can think of him while you trade one of these in for one seventh of a gallon of gas www.nytimes.com/live/2026/03...

Why insult Benny Johnson by suggesting he’s gay when you can just link to his YouTube show THE LEFT CAN’T MEME. Benny may or may not be gay, but he is definitely corny and his attempts to laugh make you wonder whether you will ever experience pleasure again. youtu.be/5IK4N4xtcMg?...

Hot take: No Kings is good and if you have the time and capacity, you should go to a protest on Saturday.

I think president Trump is in 4D-X, in that my neck hurts, it’s costing me money, and it frequently feels like I’m being spat on.

An important message. www.instagram.com/reel/DWKC04w...

You could also just go the once and focus on why you need to be doing the most in even this category.

It launches tomorrow and I want it NOW

Man oh man this is beautiful.

Objectively hilarious that even in AI he’s got a weird body

Happy anniversary to this www.esquire.com/entertainmen...

Health Speculations Swirl After Trump Screams, ‘Fuck! I’m Dying!’ https://theonion.com/health-speculations-swirl-after-trump-screams-fuck-im-dying/

Hey thanks, weird ad, but I don’t see myself making use of this functionality.

Happy 80th Liza Minnelli youtu.be/xpbRfP1UwkQ?...

Counterpoint: he’s an embarrassing goofball.

The biggest bunch of losers the world has ever seen, God help us.

Got into this here www.esquire.com/news-politic...

One day I will see the name “Markwayne Mullin” and not read “Mudvayne,” but today is not that day.

I don’t know about this guy y’all www.esquire.com/news-politic...

The delivery of “I asked God to forgive me. He has” is really something to behold.

I want to say this delicately, but if you can’t see and hear the Corky St. Clair in this, I can’t help you.

Also, did effeminate boys of the 20th century NOT get constantly told they were girls by peers/coaches/whoever? “You run/throw/laugh like a girl” etc? I got plenty of that shit, and it did not take, because effeminate and trans are not the same thing.

Kinda dares you not to call it Epstein Fury

Mid-career Danielle Steel soundin ass

“People who have no idea what the real World is about“ put this in my head and now yours youtu.be/9OP5UE-1NU8?...

Squirrel as a Weapon is my favorite later-career Pat Benatar song.

The mediocrity of evil

This guy gets it.

Thoughts on The Video. www.esquire.com/news-politic...

I guess I’m not shocked that the Republicans I grew up with ended up not really caring about small government or states’ rights or, like, NATO. But I’m genuinely surprised and disappointed they haven’t distanced themselves from this tacky nonsense.

I am absolutely death bed hallucinating this entire moment in history

The screeching drone cameras following all the olympic downhill athletes are very Phantasm.

Imagine holding these two thoughts in your head simultaneously: 1) I used to do cocaine off of toilet seats. 2) Here is some advice.

Dawson’s Creek watch from the top but we do it like it’s book club, DMs are open