HANDS OFF: 1300 events NO KINGS 1: 2100 events NO KINGS 2: 2700 events NO KINGS 3: 3000 events and counting Let’s make history. Again.

Nutsferatu pays a visit. To clear up any confusion, she says vampire squirrels eat nuts during the day for strong bones, muscle tone and thick fur (which protects them from sunlight)...and feasts on the blood of their victims at night for energy and mental alertness. The more you knooow... 🎇

Larry's just checking in to make sure you're doing well. And also he'd like his blender back.

"Tower to Millie, Tower to Millie: please hold your position, over. We have an unauthorized squirrel blocking the landing area. We're sending out the cat now. You should be good to leap momentarily, over and out." "Millie to tower. Understood. Standing by for further instructions. Over and out."

Are we hoarding toilet paper yet? Can someone let me know when it's time to start hoarding toilet paper? Would we even be having this discussion if 20 percent of the world's toilet paper didn't go through the Strait of Hormuz? The bidet industry has been warning us about this for at least 50 yrs.

New week. Saddle up...... www.dailykos.com/stories/2026...

"And the Oscar for Best Almond Sitting on a Windowsill goes to...THIS ONE!!! ---Henry

"Yes! You really can eat all the almonds and walnuts you want for just $4.99 plus tax during Sunday brunch at Billeh's Rooftop Nut Cafe. I'm on my 14th helping and there's still three more hours to go!" ---Tank, demonstrating why we had to raise our price to $4.99.

"No, Mr. Bond, I don't expect you to talk. I expect you to die...bwoo ha ha!" ---Rooftop Cafe brunch entertainer Larry, who performed excerpts from classic Bond movies today. (He also does a spot-on Rosa Klebb.)

The same nitwits celebrating the Iran War because they believe it's heralding the "imminent arrival" of the End Times are the same nitwits who wet their pants when a car backfires in front of their house....

Can't believe Commander-in-Chief Trump went to war before our aircraft carriers could be converted from electric to steam. It's why we lost the war in a day. Shoulda waited for the steam conversion.

It's the weekend. Start here..... www.dailykos.com/stories/2026...

"From the Squirrelwitness News desk: Billeh will post his Friday edition of 'Cheers and Jeers' at 7:15ET/4:15PT over at Dailykos.com. That takes care of the who, what, when and where. As for the why: hard to say, as he's out of his everlivin' tree. Now back to your regularly-scheduled algorithm..."

"Hang in there, it's almost Friday. Um...Friday the 13th, now that I think about it. But the important thing is the hanging in there part. That's your priority now. Focus! Be your best Thursday self possible. Also, since you're just hanging around, I could use another almond." ---Life coach Henry

"Dear future generations: Please accept our apologies. We were roaring drunk on petroleum." ---Kurt Vonnegut

Quote of the Day: “No one gives a shit about housing.” ---President Donald Trump to House Speaker Mike Johnson

Almonds. It's what's for dinner. And breakfast. And lunch. And snacks. A message from Billeh's Rooftop Nut Cafe, where our pickup window is now open...and closed...and open...and closed...and open...

This is hilarious. Also, completely enraging.

Even in winter, remember the golden rule: hydrate, hydrate, hydrate...

Sure, Trump wore a campaign hat to a dignified transfer, but remember when President Obama saluted while holding a latte?

I think I'm going to call the company that makes these shingles and suggest they rename this color "Larry."

New week. Saddle up..... www.dailykos.com/stories/2026...

"Welcome to Maine mud season, everybody..." ---Teddy

Today's entertainer during Sunday brunch (all you can eat almonds and walnuts just $4.99 plus tax) at Billeh's Rooftop Cafe is Nutsferatu the Vampire Squirrel, now spinning tales of her nefarious nocturnal deeds...and easy ways to get stubborn stains out of a satin coffin liner. Join us!

That look when a new customer to Billeh's Rooftop Nut Cafe checks out the menu and reads: "All You Can Eat Almonds and Walnuts Just $4.99 Plus Tax." (Some of them need to be reassured that they haven't died and gone up to Squirrely heaven. No, kiddo. It's heaven on earth...it's Billeh's!)

Quick question. Is France joining us as an ally in the Iranian War? I ask because I just got done buttering and pouring syrup on my lightly battered and fried bread, and I'm not sure what to call it.

It's the weekend. Start here..... www.dailykos.com/stories/2026...

Henry wants you to believe that he's perfectly primped and floofed for Billeh's Friday edition of 'Cheers and Jeers' over at Dailykos.com. (Post time is 7:15ET/4:15PT---please join us.) But don't be fooled. He lathered and rinsed but didn't repeat. Little faker.

Justice for Cricket!

Nice save, Millie...

If you're at the airport and Kristi Noem is doing the ominous little message from the TSA screens, you no longer have to do anything she says. Leave your laptop in the case, whatever.

A+ photobombing, Henry.

Eeny meeny miny mail Catch a squirrely by the tail In response on you he'll whale Eeny meeny miny mail (He'll be fine.)

CNN put together a montage of the regime's incoherent talking points about Trump's war on Iran

“There’s a lot of chatter about what our objective is. The president’s been extremely clear about our objectives and it’s Iran cannot have a nuclear weapon." —JD Vance today "Iran's nuclear facilities have been obliterated—and suggestions otherwise are fake news." —White House website, 8 months ago

At Billeh's Rooftop Nut Cafe, our policy is "No shoes, no shirt, no problem." But we sure would appreciate it if our male customers would occasionally consider pants...

"We didn't start this war but … we are finishing it." ---Secretary of "War" Pete Hegseth, via ABC News (For anyone in the administration or Congress who tries to claim it's not a war, here's your response.)

New week. Saddle up..... www.dailykos.com/stories/2026...

Teddy and her daughter Millie each achieved perfect February attendance at Billeh's Rooftop Cafe. They'll each receive a fine selection of Samsonite luggage and a personal hovercraft from the Hammacher Schlemmer catalog. Congrats to both. March's contest is now underway. Stay tuned....

"You know who never started a stupid dumb pointless war? A squirrel. That's why I'm announcing my candidacy for president. My name is Janet. I approved this message because this country needs real leadership, and you hairless bipeds just ain't gettin' it done."