me when my infant son has a runny nose

who the hell is marion berry

they dont talk about this

just saw a cop car with a bicycle attached to it. mayor wilsons influence ?

the reason its so easy to steal candy from a baby is on account of babies dont like candy

where the hell is buffalo ranch

Whenever I Eat Buffalo Wings I Always Wipe My Hands on Ukiki and He Screams Loud as Fuck

every time my cat looks at me while im naked i feel like louis ck

who the hell is general motors

bystander effect hits me hardest when people are clapping. im like man they don't need my approval too

who the hell is joshua tree

sitting down at my desk with a cup of coffee cracking open my raytheon laptop and signing into my cia-backed sockpuppet twitter account, @TheCartoonSocialist smugly typing the words, "holli would >>> jessica rabbit" heh. that'll keep em busy.

tara gilesbie is the closest we have to a modern day sappho. we have cause to believe that all along the author of my immortal wasnt an edgy teen girl, but a boy satirizing one. yet she is a rare case where myth transcends truth--too foundational to our generational identity to be taken from us.

who the hell is wilhelm scream

this man does NOT get his flowers and im tired of it. lcd soundsystem is one of the most important musical acts of the 2000s,

im actually from the timeline where all standardized testing is done with number 3 pencils

im actually from the timeline where p and j are the coolest letters and x and z are just kind of okay

everyone's always going on about pathos and ethos but logos gets the short end of the stick

always love it when a cat blinks at me asymmetrically

sometimes you drink water and youre like wow that was so awesome and other times you drink water and youre like owwww fuckkkkk

why is it that gods funniest men are often gods worst posters

yknow i was thinking about switching to google fiber but a deal like this? shit! i practically can't say no!

im def the one in the friend group who's most likely to get taken out by the cia. someday im gonna post some shit like "the 2018 plastic straw boycott was manufactured by the defense department" or "gunpei yokoi was assassinated" and they'll come for me because i was accidentally right.

why do these two look like ai yazawa characters

"you either die the goat or you live long enough to see yourself become washed" - kurt cobain

these shits had me coming home from my grandparents house looking like the black dahlia

video games are the least respectable artistic medium but this is one of the rawest and most savage moments in history. there needs to be a corporate biopic about this moment. youtu.be/ExaAYIKsDBI

jrpg loudness wars

got hired at the tautology factory. it might be dull, but a job's a job!

who the hell is roy g. biv

pike place gum wall kabedon

me, finger hovering over the play button on a true crime podcast: there better not be any pizzicato strings in here

who the hell is mark unread

spent $81 on 3 bags of groceries. im gonna be riding this high for weeks. so many apples man. and the bananas? dont even get me started on the 24oz sliced salami. trader joes keeps it like its 2018. i could cry. they can keep doing w/e evil shit theyre doing if i can live like this in the big city.

one of a billion reasons im glad i dont live alone: I've never successfully made a smoothie for one. the blender always winds up full. and nobody wants day 2 smoothie!

if you buy a loaf of bread and three slices in it looks like this you should be entitled to financial compensation

whyd they write so many songs about jane

dick van dyke was a real card. but v

i know we all like to joke around about chris bores but. let me tell you. chris excites?

this is what every jeff rosenstock song sounds like to me youtu.be/C5Fq3U_FjYc

never buying a cat tower off the silkroad ever again

i listened to ONE fucking weezer song

howard sterns a real asshole but howard lenient? dont even get me started. sheesh.

if i had any control over the world i would exert it by making youtubers promise to stop doing insufferable old timey accents when they read a passage from something written before the 1960s

minecraft ost

hope he finally mows that fucker down this time

broke: ringo starr ms paint art woke: david yow cat illustrations

not sure we're seeing eye to eye here