IT'S CALLED BLACKROM, COOP. SPADES. AND NOT THE KIND YOU DIG WITH. PURE CONCUPISCENT KISMESISSITUDE. THE FELLAS AT QUANTICO THOUGHT IT WAS ENEMIES TO LOVERS. THEY'VE HIT THE BOTTOM LEFT QUADRANT, WAY WAY DOWN LOW

im gatekeeping the 7/11 in the city with the best slurpee machine

every time i play with my cat im like man her hitboxes are so broken

so im seeing this girl right. shes amazing. beautiful. theres just one thing. shes always got this ribbon around her neck. dont know what the deal is. wears it in the shower even. the thing smells. mildew or something? earthy. should i remove it next time shes asleep and run it through the wash?

this wont be easy but i have something to confess....i was the one who put triumph the insult comic dog to sleep.

nobody hyperventilates into brown paper bags anymore

i hope when i die i remember to close my eyes so everyone dealing with my body doesnt have to keep accidentally making eye contact with me

just saw one of those waymo cars for the first time, assumed it was prowling for purebred dalmatians to skin alive or something

war is hell

excuse me sir do you carry any decaf "energy waffles"

silently excommunicated from the breadtuber wedding planner discord for asking if rachel dolezal has rsvp'd yet

causing discomfort at the breadtube wedding by refusing to call it "sexytimes"

chastised at the breadtube wedding for asking why the epic meal time guy isnt there

kicked out of the breadtube wedding for listing all the most offensive cards against humanity phrases

oh hell nah they got my baby sister singing jacob collier at the choir recital

now heres a guy who knows what hes about

steven wright voice in all my years i never once heard craig stutter

is it an age thing that i refuse to trust those horrible resealable plastic flaps they put on everything in place of zip seals? am i wasteful and behind the times for putting every one of those containers straight into a gallon bag the second it hits my kitchen counter

combating my apartment building's rising laundry prices by accruing more white articles of clothing so when i have to wash my whites i at least feel like its worth it because i have a load's worth of whites to wash

easy bottom ten hot lettuce

that and im gonna have to start seeing stickers all around the city that say shit like FREE THE THROAT GOAT. truth, i only hope theyre more clever than that

the only thing im worried about as more info surfaces on the guy charlie kirk slang neck on is that being really good at engraving teensy tiny little messages on bullet casings could become a barrier to entry for other aspiring political assassins with congenital tremors or subpar penmanship.

im definitely the one in the friend group with the coolest phone number

"hey annie how are you and your cat doing"

labubu community, i need your help! can anyone tell me how much my baby is worth

america may be on the precipise of falling to corporate fascism but at least we dont have banksy running around making art about it

like 15yrs ago boys used to be so obsessed with rubbing each others nipples for comedic effect

an epic experience you say? color me intrigued!

over time ive become accustomed to sweeping frequently, makes me feel sort of like one of those robot maid girls even. and im not even that kind of pervert!

is all this blood a sign im about to bleed out

aint no way wallace would feed this shit to gromit bro

at most times i have ~150gb free on my macbook's ~500gb hard drive. you cannot conceive of what it is like to be me.

it was lentil soup. on sale. thats another grocery store post babes👆🙂‍↕️

soup and applesauce and diet coke for dinner. enjoying the inpatient larp session annie?

that was really embarrassing

dafuq? o_O

i think that we should bring dafuq back

if the bsky police wants to stop me they gotta make sure i never set foot in a grocery store again. all my best posts come to me at the grocery store.

pretty on the nose to name him that

recession indicator

its crazy that bsky actually does feel like the least evil things about circa 2013 twitter. ive had so few dark souls invasions, so few annoying posts thrust onto my timeline like bugs splattered against my windshield. its just me and my friends and a clear sky above us <3

i put great importance on my near flawless track record for not losing things. if i can make it to 35 without losing a single debit card ill die content. if i lost a precious belonging now--everything i ever thought i knew about myself is wrong

im definitely the one in the friend group who panic messages all my friends asking them to scour their domiciles for an object that holds great emotional significance to me ive convinced myself ive lost that i am in reality too careful to actually lose

lotta yall with anime pfps and rym accounts on here were real quiet about that last one you cant pull one over on little annie

second most 50/50 type of guy: white boy suny purchase grads. they either have yellow fever or they have talent and yellow fever.

most 50/50 type of guy hands down: dude who might actually graduate from berklee. either theyre complete melvins who force you to listen to their sibelius reharmonizations of meme music off their macbooks or theyre surprisingly well meaning beer-can-forehead-crusher frat boys who listen to sun ra.

lots of good reasons to gatekeep establishments in the big city you live in but i choose to covet most corner stores where all the employees are cool. im terrible at smalltalk but there's one joint in particular that makes me feel like a recurring character in a sitcom set there. real ones know.

they must give hurricanes people names as population control. controlling the population against naming their children irma or lorenzo. cant wait for hurricane tanner. hurricane oakley. i mean what will they think of next.

what the fuck do they think im getting up to

heh. theyll never make me get into "caveman movies".