I tried to embrace my inner child today, and the little asshole bit me.

Decrying violence against political opponents rings a bit hollow when you pull Secret Service protection from your political opponents.

I don't dig pornography. I don't even have a pornograph. ~Johnny Edwards, trombonist

You should never say bad things about the dead, only good. James Dobson is dead. Good! ~ Paraphrasing Bette Davis

What happened yesterday at the WH was an INTERVENTION, but TACO and his minions are too stupid to understand that. They think the global leaders came here to cheer and listen to that asshole. They came her to CONTAIN him.

Bartók? Lugosi? Fleck?

Imagine going to your boss and saying you want to press charges because someone threw a sandwich at you.

Hahahahahaha!

Why on earth would anyone buy a coloring book on Amazon, that is booked as "Used"?

Happy Pie and Beer Day! #itsAUtahThing

The United States runs its democracy like it's roller derby.

A very common neurosis; particularly in this society, whereby the male child subconsciously wishes to sleep with his mother. Of course what puzzles me, Harold; is that you want to sleep with your grandmother. #moviequote

"Get a greyhound, "they said. "They're so elegant" they said. #greyhound #sighthound #epicDerp

Misrepresenting intelligence is so on brand for the GOP since Dick Cheney.

QPP: Sending from the portal potty. #HamRadio

These motherfucking hypocritical assholes... #fuckTheGOP

Heh...

Damn... time flies. I remember June like it was yesterday.

Absent context, one of the best interactions I've ever heard goes like this: He: That's a lot of lube. Do we need all that? She: Yes. We do. He:...

There taint no gas!

I had a very nice interaction with a good person at the grocery store today. This dipshit forgot his wallet, abs didn't discover that fact until he scanned everything at self checkout. I engaged the clerk, starting my difficulty. (Continued)

Hello! You've reached the BDSM support line! I'm sorry, but all of our representatives are tied up at the moment... #humor #sosueme

🫩🥂💙 🥔👇🏽

How fucking cruel is the Trump Gestapo?

Christ on a cracker this is disturbing.

I just read a story about a guy who bedazzled his scrotum with rhinestones and glitter. Pretty nuts, right?

Ayup.