Nothing like seeing other people my age in my family to realize how wasted my life is. I'm almost 30 and have done almost nothing with my life. I'm already disabled and cannot work, and waited far too long to learn skills effectively. It feels like it can only get worse from here Gotta keep trying

I rediscovered this list of soundtrack leitmotifs I made a year ago for tabletop use. I forgot to share it, so here it is a year late? I spent so much time searching for songs with certain leitmotifs so you don't have to! I will continually update this list docs.google.com/document/d/1...

I miss having the energy for TTRPGs, it's been months since we played :( One day we'll get back to it, I'm sure of it

This fucking song is going to kill me 😭 If I can't figure out a chorus by the time I get back from my vacation, I'm gonna start asking for help with ideas 😅

Just watched Howl's Moving Castle, fell apart and cried at the end — its such a good movie

I hate huge pickup trucks - 90% of people who use them never haul anything except groceries and they're so fucking deadly to other drivers and especially pedestrians.

Trying to learn rock & metal composition techniques to broaden my horizons as a soundtrack composer. I just created part of a guitar solo and it sounds so cool! I'll still be more of a classical style composer, but I grew up on old rock & metal so I'm excited to add splashes of it into my songs!

An MRI is the only context where you want your brain to be called unremarkable 😭

Computer crashed, lost multiple days of work Motivation is completely gone, so I guess we're taking another big break

I feel like I'm going insane, there's SO many projects I'm trying to work on and I barely have time to do ONE, and that's at the cost of almost never talking to people. A Schedule™ might be in order... I just need to think of something to make sure I stay on track with it

I had 2 crumbs of a weed brownie and then fucking died for a day :c

Happy spooky month - spooky skeleton calcium doot doot, or something 💀🎺

I know I'm probably wrong on this, but even with all the time I spend trying to learn art and music, I still feel like I'm playing at things I can never truly understand. Might just be the sussy imposter syndrome talking though

I decided that having a complete VTuber lore VN would be far too much work, considering the other VN I'm working on. So I decided to only make some VN scenes, while doing the rest in webcomic format. But I'll also make video versions so they can have music. Also mini gam- Oh no, I did a Homestuck 😭

Google sites doesn't support fonts 😭 oh well, this still makes typing with it so much faster

I turned my rune alphabet into a font, so now it's super easy to type in! I'm also gonna make a scrambled one for my website, that way people can't just copy and paste to decipher it :3

I DID IT! I finally figured out my VTuber lore! Now that that's out of the way, there's still a lot to do 😭

TFW you make a bunch of lore based on vibes and then you have to connect it all later 😣 I have specific imagery and metaphors that I'm unwilling to part with, and that makes this hard

Slowly returning to working on stuff again. It's become quite clear that there's quite a lot I need to finish before finishing Disparate Skies. Specifically, I need to get my VTuber lore in order for good; I don't want to non-canonize the song at some point if I change my mind.

Sorry I vanished for a bit, it's been quite a week to say the least

Instead of being all melodramatic, I'm gonna ask for help because that's much more productive. I've been in a creative slump for months, directly following a period of immense stress and hopelessness. I've tried taking a break, but that made it worse. Does anyone have any advice?

I just listened to it... 😬

Played a bunch of music while high, it's fun and I actually made melodies and I'm gonna post them tomorrow maybe probably not

Message I sent on the house discord while really high I'm still really high I shouldn't tweet this but this isn't Twitter so it's fine

This happiness cannot possibly last, can it? Are nights like this actually possible. It feels so fleeting. I don't think that feeling is based on anything but trauma, but it feels so real.

Just had a cookout with my found family in our backyard 💖 it was literally the best night of the year for me ☺️ I'm so full of love for both of them, and I'm so happy 🥰 It's been tough, and it will continue to be tough, but as long as I have the ones I love, there will always be good times

Swordtember: Day 3 - Dragon Doing multiple of these per day to catch up 💖 This is a Draconic Resonance Blade, which is an item from my TTRPG world that is perpetually a work in progress. Read the alt text for the lore because my handwriting is terrible 😣 #RBSwordtember #Swordtember

Swordtember: Day 2 — Stone I'm still fighting burnout and reduced abilities rn, but not doing anything has been so much worse... so I'm going to keep trying The idea with this one is an amethyst geode, the edges being ground down enough to show the gemstone within. #RBSWORDTEMBER

After 7 years of work, I’m so excited to finally announce the release date for my debut album. October 30th! Check out trailer below:

6 days after the concussion - things are looking up now. I can use screens without issue, and the headache is mostly gone. My creativity also came back for a split second, which was reassuring. The big lingering thing is difficulty typing and spelling, which is slowly but surely improving.

I'm slightly worried that my concussion fucked up the part of my brain that allows for creativity. I've been trying to make stuff and it just feels so hollow. There's nothing there anymore. Even on the off-chance it's gone forever, at least I'm surrounded by loved ones. I can't complain too much

Did a no mic stream today because I wanted to stream but was feeling too anxious to speak. While it was fun, there were many times where I wanted to talk. On the other hand, my stress was very low. I started speaking through text, which helped. This might be a good way to ease back into it

Since it's going to take me significantly longer to finish this project than I thought (burnout and concussions make a great team in terms of rendering me creatively useless), I decided to release a snippet of the title track. The MIDI guitar will be replaced with vocals in the actual song.

I'm so fucking tired. My head still spins when I try to do anything that takes actual mental energy, though it's getting a little better. I feel so restless and itching to work on projects, but I know that urge will vanish the second I'm able to.

Doing @regalbones.bsky.social's Swordtember prompts this year 💖 Finally, I can put my sword autism to good use :3 Day 1 - Prompt: Teeth This sword is called Blade Biter — an offhand shortsword designed to catch an opponent's blade. I'm recovering from a concussion, so it's not as good as I'd like

I think I got a (hopefully) minor concussion :c no screen time for me for the next 2 days 😑 I'll try using my sketchbook or something Also, I really don't want to, but I'll probably go to urgent care to be evaluated

I've been rewatching She-Ra with a friend, and oh my god I forgot how fucking good it was. I want to gush about it, but my brain is still too fried to do analysis of any sort or pick out specific elements I like. Basically, all I know is the show resonates with me and I cry a lot

For the past 4 days, I've basically done nothing but watch YouTube shorts and try to sleep. I can feel my brain rotting, and have basically no attention span. My creative drive is gone. I need to just stop watching short form content all together and try to fix my insomnia. Easier said than done

Going Live Now! Dishonored Part 2- and hopefully the finale! #vtuber #dishonored #twitch #streamer twitch.tv/an14vt

Something I realize about myself anytime I watch a show with other people and we start talking about it after 😔 It's something I realized about myself a years ago. I think its because my ability to think independently atrophied because it was disadvantageous to do so for a large part of my life.

I could spend hours typing out all the horrible things I want to say to myself over my failure today Or I could just spend the day with the people I love until I feel better. I'm gonna go with the latter, because the former will get us nowhere. I may be useless, but it doesn't mean I'm worthless

Y’all getting a twofer for today! Tiffany worked very hard singing these lyrics and you should 100% share it EVERYWHERE.

Just did the YouTube stream, died because I had to shut my AC off to use my mic, and then had a breakdown at the end and started crying because I'm completely useless and can't even stream for an hour yaaaay 🎉 so that's the reason its unlisted. If I can clip out that end part, I'll put it back up

Gonna try for that YouTube stream again at 5:00pm CST today 💖 No promises, but I will try www.youtube.com/live/jEhvnL8...

I have the silliest project idea ever - composing an OST for my new phone. All contacts and alarms will have custom ringtones. I'll have leitmotifs and everything. This is so silly and ridiculous and way too extra... so very in-character for me 😭

I got a new phone for the first time in 8+ years 🎉 It's amazing how well my old phone held up; I plan to make this one last just as long, if not longer. The only reason I got a new phone is the screen started to fully die. I hate buying things for myself, but this one was kind of necessary.

Today was awful, I don't know if I can do the stream tomorrow. We'll see how I'm doing when I wake up.

What gif pops up when you type your name? This certainly fits one of my personalities 😭 I have no idea who this character is though

I've been prompted a couple times now- if you're interested in supporting me or donating, and don't want to engage with Amazon Funbucks, please support me over on my Ko-fi page! <3 ko-fi.com/an14vt

Live now!! Get your butts in here www.twitch.tv/lorianross