Tell you who can fuck off today: recordstore . co . uk & Yodel Set of cunts, both of them.

I mean I am not saying I am *pro* global warming but it's the 10th of December and I've got a load of washing drying on the line.

"Squid with Fake Tits." Pablo Picasso. 1932.

Show me a picture on your phone that has your energy but isn’t a selfie:

There are two types of people in this world, them what rip their doors off and those that don't 😉

Sunday morning. Soft boiled eggs & soldiers, and bit of the old Vince Guaraldi Trio. It's what the baby Jesus would've wanted.

Wonder what cricketers talk about when they meet up in the middle in-between overs? It's probably just "...did you see what that daft cunt just did? Throwing his wicket away like that... Bellend."

The village council have been and put the tree up on the green opposite the house. Glad to see there's been no expense spared, and that the council tax is being put to good use.

"Your Party" - It's not MY party. MY party would have strippers. And midgets wandering round serving canapes and volley vonts and that.

Q: Why did Rachel Reeves take laxatives? A: Cos she couldn't budge it. (Budget)

This is all top secret and classified I grab a hold of the mic and let the words glide It's all hypnotic and sanctified So I never wanna let a bad day slip by

"Have you got Madri, amigo?"

Rattle a 5 day test off in just 2-3 days, get an extra two days off. These cricketers aren't daft eh?

It's feeling a lot like a Smokebelch II kinda day

I seem to have woken up with an earworm of "all day long in the sex pond with James Bond" to the tune of Wet Leg's Chaise Longue

Tonight's merriment. Hope of the States in Manchester with our kid. Can't remember the last time me and him went to a gig together. It's long overdue. Gorilla is an ace little venue an all.

Went to see Chuck D. ✊🏼

Booked San Sebastian lads and ladettes. Hit me up with your tips please and thank you.

Out with the good lady for an evening of merriment with Justin Moorhouse.

Had a bit of a shite week for a multitude of reasons... Rectifying it with a big blast of Doves' Lost Souls. And a massive fuck off glass of red later. 🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷

Just seen NEIrLy DiAMoND in Lidlz He was buying some SWEETs for CAROLINE

SCENES WE ALL WANT TO SEE 😍

Hi @tntsportsus.bsky.social Can you tell me where the option is to mute Rio Ferdinand on my feed please? Thanks in advance.

Looking forward to seeing what Virgil van Dijkhead manages to not receive a card for tonight...

Just learning all the technical terms ahead of the big kick off...

👀

Feels like a Bill Ryder-Jones kinda day... Starting with Iechyd Da, and working backwards.

Made my 5 a side return tonight after 2½ years out with a fucked Achilles tendon. Don't want to brag but... Shackled their best player with a man-marking job. Set one up. Scored one. (An absolute peach* that a modern inverted winger would be proud of.) Won 5-2. 💪🏻

Taken from "New Math", by Craig Damrauer

Going in on the new Mogwai album. I may be a while...

If you see this post, post a pic from your device without an explanation.

This is what I post from:

In the words of Will Smith: "Tick... Tick... Tick... Tick... Tick... Boom!"

"What if ALL football referees are gay? ...and the reason they make bad decisions is cos they are distracted by looking at the players legs and arses an that?"

When the jacket you nearly bought at £90 before Christmas is still in your size and only £30 when the Final Reductions email hits your inbox.

Me, trying to say "Alarm" in a Scottish accent:

If you hate all Mondays equally (except Bank Holidays, obviously) then Blue Monday is just another Monday.

Pep Guardiola's got a new bed.

😎

Apologies for coarse language again on a sports broadcast in the year of our Lord 2025. Yet, you can swear as bad and as much as you like in a 3 part drama with no-one batting an eyelid. #AbsoluteWokeNonsense

Working from home, Spotify through the telly on shuffle... @memorialdevice.bsky.social Deffo heard it. 😎

Everton fans, Quick, grab your purple dildoes and get to Finch Farm car park. Yer man live is on Sky Sport News.

HA-HArteta, more like.

Have scientists found a cure for whatever it is that makes Trossard look like that yet?

Fat Geordie in crowd, no top on, NUFC tattooed across gut ✅ ...and tonight's bingo card is underway before kick off.

Just finished watching that Playing Nice on ITV. In the words of Cilla Black: Worra bastard.

At least Phil & Holly were queue jumping something serious... A bloody toboggan? Have some dignity man.

Why is @mmmd0nuts.bsky.social on Sky talking about the darts?