Happy “cutting ties with those mad Yankees” day!

Canonically, the Minions were out of action from 1812 to 1968. Here's a big list of world events with lowkey Minion vibes that are still on the table: /thread

I wish I was a little bit German I wish I was a merman I wish I had a horse who was Norse called Herman I wish I could write Bollywood scores without pause, win awards like RD Burman

I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised by this rather… generous review from Rowan Williams, but it does serve more as a frustrating reminder of his tenure as Archbishop than have anything useful to say about the VP www.theguardian.com/books/2026/j...

To the tune of Eleanor Rigby: 🎶 Pony accountant April’s approaching but you’re still here counting away Tax exempt hay🎶

How many tens would the top ten top if the top ten could top ten?

Burnham should call a GE as soon as he's leader, but only because it would be hilarious to watch the Tories try to run one with Kemi in charge

To the tune of Eleanor Rigby: 🎶 Yearly appraisal Trying to fill in his paperwork but he's a car KITT's in HR 🎶

Literal pogroms in Belfast, stirred up by Farage, Yaxley-Lennon etc. Appreciate it's decades in the making but, either Starmer does something about it or he accepts his ignominious place on the timeline of the UK's decent into fascism

Can we all shut up about two tier policing and instead talk about two tier reporting, that treats every white death as a tragedy and every brown death as a statistic?

Scott Bessent looks like what if the bug from Men In Black climbed into Barry Bostwick instead of Vincent D’Onofrio

Matt Goodwin is just Temu Douglas Murray, although that’s a bit like saying I’d rather get dysentery than plain old diarrhoea

This is what happens when you let Claude play Roblox on your iPad

Privatised water is such an obvious scam that it's achieved the impossible: getting 82% of Brits to agree on something. The only issue to score higher was the public’s desire for Tony Blair to stick to retirement.

What’s the difference between a thruppence and the host of Only Connect pretending to be an old timey gangster? One’s Victorian currency The other’s Victoria Coren, see?

If I was a wasp I would just pretend to be a bee. Like, call me if you need me for The Final War or whatever, otherwise I’ll just be chilling and not stinging anyone

britainsfavouritebutterfly.co.uk/butterfly/gr... sorting this list in order of votes received was a terrible idea, so please everyone scroll all the way down and vote for the grizzled skipper because he sounds like a grumpy sea captain

Did they change the settings on Bluesky or something? It used to be I’d go on the discover tab and be immediately assaulted by cocks. Now it seems I have to scroll for ages to be assaulted by cocks

⚠️ "The winner-takes-all system means that a party can secure a huge majority of seats on a minority of votes. This poses a major democratic risk." 🔊 Our Vice-Chair @elliechowns.bsky.social during Business Questions to the Leader of the House this morning:

Brett Ratner - the only director to say “Roman Polanski was a big inspiration” and not be talking about the movies

🎶 A few times I've been around that track So it's not just gonna happen like that 'Cause I ain't no

Yasujiro Ozu’s Meet the Fockers

Man who spent the lifetime of the administration keeping every conversation in Reform’s wheelhouse: “see, I told you Reform were a threat”

[watching the Lone Ranger] oh god, it's the tantantatatantatatantantantavirus!

This makes a mockery of my hard earned Nobel prize for forgery

Elon Musk wants to put data centres in space for cooling because obviously he is a cutting edge tech genius but also doesn't understand the thermos flask

trying to play peekaboo with my child but he's a European diplomat: me: where'd daddy go? baby: we must articulate a post-daddy vision of strategic autonomy me: peekaboo! baby: my historic relationship with my father is stable despite recent troubles

Similar - I like the taste of cheap pasteurised orange juice more than fresh, and I like Starbucks coffee because it tastes slightly burnt

I think what we’ve all learnt here is that “Vets do it all the time” isn’t a great excuse when you are a vet. When you work at a Krispy Kreme it just raises more questions

At this point I'm not willing to rule out Starmer claiming that Mandelson had him hypnotised with his magic snake staff the whole time

The Michael Jackson movie being "from the makers of Bohemian Rhapsody" is all you really need to know. It will bear only a passing resemblance to reality, will be objectively terrible, but will make billions because people like the songs

Trump knows only suckers take a salary. Declare it as a bonus for tax purposes

I’m not saying they should use the 25th amendment, I’m saying next time he goes off topic at a press conference they should pull round a black curtain and put him down like a horse

I can’t believe Trump is going to end the world at 1am UK time and we’re going to have to catch up in the morning like the Oscars

As a parent, I’ve always found the phrase “only dogs die in hot cars” very reassuring

Nothing quite says “man of the people” like switching off the comments www.theguardian.com/commentisfre...

Tucker Carlson fought for the sexy m&m because he saw what happened to the caramel bunny. We let her die without so much as a sexy goodbye

I give it 2 weeks until Vance is talking about bomb dogs, packed to the anus with C4, let loose in shopping centres

My Pyrenean grandmother would never have soup alongside her shellfish. She was a bisque separatist

25 years ago, you say?...

Crenshaw about to start quoting Wittgenstein…

I see Banksy has been unmasked again and it’s… some guy from Bristol. It’s like when there was a picture of Thomas Pynchon and, yep, that’s an 80yo man alright. What am I to do with this information?

"My TikTok For You page is, like, my entire personality" is the most depressing sentence I've heard in any advert ever, and I'm including Childline in that

God, it’s going to be sad next year when Charles tries to get people excited for his wooden jubilee, isn’t it? Stop trying to make #WoodyJubes happen

Hey, remember when everyone said that Palantir were obviously evil and dangerous? Good job we didn’t give them access to all our data and government contracts, huh?

You’re sliding into her DMs, I meant to click on Search and now I’m stuck in a weirdly flirty conversation about the latest jobs data, we are not the same

Like an angry child, we must do war crimes otherwise we won’t get any attention

Last minute World Book Day outfit? Send your kid as Leo Bloom from Ulysses. All you need is a hat, a Gorgonzola sandwich and a pair of cum stained trousers

In all this, please remember, there is a non-zero portion of the current US administration that wants to bring about the actual biblical end times. I wish this was a joke