Nothing quite says “man of the people” like switching off the comments www.theguardian.com/commentisfre...

Tucker Carlson fought for the sexy m&m because he saw what happened to the caramel bunny. We let her die without so much as a sexy goodbye

I give it 2 weeks until Vance is talking about bomb dogs, packed to the anus with C4, let loose in shopping centres

My Pyrenean grandmother would never have soup alongside her shellfish. She was a bisque separatist

25 years ago, you say?...

Crenshaw about to start quoting Wittgenstein…

I see Banksy has been unmasked again and it’s… some guy from Bristol. It’s like when there was a picture of Thomas Pynchon and, yep, that’s an 80yo man alright. What am I to do with this information?

"My TikTok For You page is, like, my entire personality" is the most depressing sentence I've heard in any advert ever, and I'm including Childline in that

God, it’s going to be sad next year when Charles tries to get people excited for his wooden jubilee, isn’t it? Stop trying to make #WoodyJubes happen

Hey, remember when everyone said that Palantir were obviously evil and dangerous? Good job we didn’t give them access to all our data and government contracts, huh?

You’re sliding into her DMs, I meant to click on Search and now I’m stuck in a weirdly flirty conversation about the latest jobs data, we are not the same

Like an angry child, we must do war crimes otherwise we won’t get any attention

Last minute World Book Day outfit? Send your kid as Leo Bloom from Ulysses. All you need is a hat, a Gorgonzola sandwich and a pair of cum stained trousers

In all this, please remember, there is a non-zero portion of the current US administration that wants to bring about the actual biblical end times. I wish this was a joke

I’d probably eat more fruit if less of it could roll. Once the food can escape you’re really asking too much of me

Jamie Raskin says the unredacted files contain more than 1 million mentions of Trump. The redacted files contain ~38k. These are insane figures that they need to answer for

A nihilist for our times

Factchecking Donald Trump’s State of the Union: It was all lies, unless you think “idiotic opinions” deserves to be its own category

This guy gets it.

"There's a magic box that powers the world economy, it's chock full of paedos and we have to shovel in kids to fuel the system" Even if this statement was true, I'd be willing to stop shovelling and see what happened

Saw Michael Sheen in the car park of a provincial Welsh hotel, so obviously I did a sort of black power salute and shouted “your honour!” He smiled at me like I was mad, for some reason

Everyone knows the Valentine’s Day Massacre was just made up by Hallmark to sell Tommy guns

At least with Iraq they bothered to rig up a dossier of 'evidence'. The inquiry into the war with Iran will be presented with a napkin that says "Netanyahu told Trump 'Iran has all kinds of mad shit, fr bro'"

The polymarket bets on the Olympic Hockey are all about who's secretly boning

Did we learn nothing from spider-man 2?

Pledge allegiance to your ham, your cheese, your pies

Perfect viral marketing for googling the phrase “How to turn off Search Party”

RFK jr talks like the cockroach stuffed in a human skin from Men in Black, but with none of the charm

People thought it was weird when Mr DiFranco named both the twins “Anus”, but they joined forces for a very successful music career

This Van Gogh is so fuckin metal

I don’t care what titles they end up with because they should end up in prison

And Jesus said “this isn’t going to be enough loaves and fishes, guys, we’re going to have to kick some people out” Mike 25:35

To the tune of Eleanor Rigby: 🎶 Black origami Classy appearance but finding it later’s a pain Where is my crane? 🎶

Did Chat GPT convince Reeves that all tax is theft again?

Y'all are sleeping on the Melania documentary. There's a whole 20 mins where she talks about how Trump's genitals look like a sad jellyfish fr

Those of you complaining that you can't get in to see your GP just aren't committed enough. If you turn up at the surgery and then collapse coughing blood, someone WILL see you

Jew in Amsterdam here. Please use Anne Frank as a comparison point to explain how state persecution of scapegoats impacts children, that is the point of her example, thanks

That song about Travis Kelce's dick features not one, but two Flugelhorn players. I would take that as a compliment.

It’s like regular empathy but you’re wrong because the fascists have a point, actually. It’s like that priest said - first they came for the women, but I didn’t speak out because she had a smart mouth and had it coming

Venezuelan oil revenues transferred to an account in Qatar, entirely unrelated to corruption or prior bribes says administration

I'm not saying I didn't achieve much today but, I finished the last of the christmas panettone and I'm counting that as a win

I think since I got sober the drink I miss the most is definitely banana flavour antibiotics

🎵I'm all out of poop My colon is empty I squeezed it all out My poo game is so strong 🎵

Guys, we can just keep writing 2025, what are they gonna do? call Timecop?

It’s finally happened. I’ve listened to Last Christmas so much that my brain has me singing Careless Whisper as some sort of defence mechanism

Very kind of Alexis Pfeiffer to out herself as the least qualified family counsellor in London

I feed the ducks mostly out of sympathy for all the shit they must get for being the official bird of toilet scum

Imagine the emotional rollercoaster of a glue factory owner at the invention of the car. The sudden glut of unused horses but the spectre of future horse drought. In this TED talk I will...