Just been watching Alfie (2004). Went to the cinema to watch that when it was out. Wasn't bad. Couple of years later, a young lady in the No Sign Bar said to me, "Problem with you, you think you're fucking Alfie, you do". I said, rather breezily, "Thank you very much!"

You know, I love Julia Roberts. Great actress, and I've been besotted with her since I was 21. She's going to be 60 in no time and she's still astonishingly beautiful. But I can't watch Notting Hill. Even with Julia Roberts in it, it is too fucking twee.

BBC News - Paperboy, 79, says he'll carry on delivering until he can't walk - BBC News www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

I've got no stake in this, I couldn't care less either way. But I've just seen Mikel Arteta's gyrations at the side of the pitch vs Everton, and all I can think is, "For fuck's sake, you're in your mid-forties, have some fucking dignity".

13 years ago, I sat in band practice, thinking how lucky I was to be doing something so exciting while everyone in work would be stuck in front of the tv. Tonight, I thank the Lord that it's off tonight, I don't have to rehearse any tired old shite and can sit at home watching Rumpole of the Bailey.

And we sure as fuck ain't dealing with Franklin D Roosevelt.

Yep, that's pretty much it.

The world has changed since the turn of the Century. Just witness the difference between Snoop Dogg's arrival at the Swansea.Com last night...

The Professionals were out in the All Action Almera in 1996

Cherie Blair said something interesting in The Tony Blair Story, and that was that she advised him to ensure that Gordon Brown wasn't the only name in the frame to succeed him. All today's problems can be traced back to the day Blair stood down. Brown was a brilliant Chancellor, but as a leader...

I've got to this age, and so many of my friends are as thick as shit it's embarrassing. It was fine when they were blabbing on about motorbikes, but now they're telling me I should get into crypto and going on about right wing politics as if they have the first idea what they're talking about.

Those cheap bastards who want to rip off the sellers on A Place In The Sun always say the same thing: "We're going to put in a cheeky offer". Well I'd be giving them a cheeky refusal: "Fuck off, lol". Cheap bastards.

I hate poems. Not Keats or Wordsworth or any of those fellows; no, I mean the sort of shite people make up for when you're leaving a job or getting married. "And now it's time for you to go, I think we all agree, La la la la la la la la De de de de de" Shite.

It's amazing. I've been arguing with people on Facebook the last week or two about their gammon views, R*f**m, that kind of thing. I started off with reasoned debate, but lately I'm just saying that they're uneducated idiots. Not one of them has retorted. It's almost as if they don't actually exist.

It's been 25 years and the poor sod's dead now, but I still can't get over Darius's rendition of Baby One More Time. How could he possibly have thought, "This is a great idea, I definitely won't regret this." I mean, he won in the end, he got his break while the band turned to shite. But still.

Post a banger that isn't in English youtu.be/SrGLSmu9ezs?...

I've spent ages, every time my band has a gig, knocking out a poster. One of the lads has found a new AI app on Facebook. My services no longer required on that front. It's on on the band page already. Here's a pic of the guitarist, with someone else's ears, wearing his Trojan tee-shirt with pride.

This doesn't half feel like a Dan Miller resignation. www.theguardian.com/politics/202...

Just spoke to a geezer outside who's doing some work on next door's house. Loads of apparatus, whacking and fitting stuff. Then I went inside to a Teams meeting where I talked about setting the scene for a Team Awayday next week. What a waste of a life.

It's been pissing it down for months. Last year the same, and the year before. It's almost as if those goons who kept banging on about climate change were right.

Hit me Paul Shane one more time

People on Bluesky vs people at the other place

Four fictional characters who would definitely defect to Reform

What a terrific bargain! Although I'm not sure I've ever seen a Man United triple Adidas shirt before, or one sponsored by Snapdrsgon. And who's that team being sponsored by Stnndard Chartered?

There's a chap at my mother's care home who, as well as having advanced dementia and mobility issues, has Tourette's. It was his birthday on Saturday, and his present to himself was shouting, "Fucking slappers" for half an hour. Well, you've got to be good to yourself. Happy birthday, Phil.

The promo is already top notch:

Why do all Frasier Crane's dates wear the same clothes? Honestly, Seattle must have cornered the world in grey slacks and colourful ribbed v-necks.

I can't remember seeing Ricky Jones Deo advertising Oxo in the early noughties.

Yet another glorious day outside.

And the worst? Millions will disagree, but the syrupy shark-jumping bollocks that was the final episode of Only Fools And Horses, clearly aimed at drawing tears from their audience, it was sheer crap. And then they dug up that dead smelly old horse a few years later to flog it again anyway.

There was Blackadder Goes Forth and Still Game, both of which showed a world after the characters had died. I still think this was the best though. Not a single laugh in the final two minutes. Didn't need it. youtu.be/hP21b-AAXJk?...

It's taken six and a half years, but I've just had a very friendly word in my ear about maybe, in future, not referring in a meeting to the people that populate our great country as "ignorant, dishonest cattle". I shall not cease from mental fight, nor shall my sword sleep in my hand...

Well... we ended up with a band made up of 3 of us and 2 of another band. Just that. It was great. We did 23 songs, including 8 I'd never sung before. I even did a solo acoustic version of Thank You For The Music to three adoring circles of women. Now THAT is Rock n' Roll. And two gigs lined up.

Me and 2 other quarters of my band are involved in some multi-band Christmas party bash later. We'll all be jamming along to songs that only some of us know. I've never met any of the others. It's been like the sword of Damocles all Christmas. These things never ever work.

I feel very sad watching Whatever Happened To The Likely Lads. I'd love to have been married to Thelma Chambers, and gone for a couple of ales down the Fat Ox and the White Horse with Terry Collier. We saw Bob and Thelma starting out on the great adventure of married life, and now they're both gone.

Remember that Young Ones sketch with the two police officers talking inane shite to each other, followed by a headline about "Idiotic Coppers Shock?" Listen to this. youtu.be/E1Mn1EmsOrs?...

No doubt this is the most important thing facing their government.

Man of the Year 2025.

Happy New Year from me and a clearly pissed-off Chic Murray from 1985. youtube.com/clip/UgkxS7-...

Just watching John Lennon singing, "Imagine no possessions" as he sits at his white grand piano, in his massive mansion, overlooking his ginormous estate. You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one.

"Short and sweet, my baby's all mine Head to feet, she's barely 4'9" She don't come up to here, she stay down there She don't come up to here, know what I mean?" That's poetry all right. Betjeman and Keats couldn't have come up with that, but St. Hubbins, Tufnell and Smalls could, and did.

Live chess

I'm sitting here watching the news, and there's a mass murder of people just celebrating a festival at a beach, a bloke driving a car into a crowd, the leader of the free world trolling murder victims, and half the country is underwater with more rain to come for months.

Christmas parties 🥳 Why I used to go to them, and why I stopped.

Absolutely the best Quo song ever. youtu.be/l3YV1Qs4TIo?...

Our Dallas.

You will be visited by three spirits

Happy Man Sitting On A Phone Box While Playing With His Mobile Phone And Smoking A Fag Day everyone!

Movie you've watched more than six times with a gif, etc

And while I'm here, let's have another look at the worst Christmas tree ever.