Business idea (I would expect royalties): Joggy Doggy. A gym with small fenced in areas where owners can go work out alongside their pets. Parallel treadmills for man and dog!

My kingdom for a can of febreze 🤢

Using the rare quiet morning to play a little Sniper Elite: Resistance. Ending a lengthy mission by exploding a nazi's balls on my way out of the area. Sublime.

I'm not particularly consistent with social media lately. :<

>:( trying to play a fun game with Ellie and she's like NO. fuckin Mervin Helmuts, I tell ya.

Y'all miss my neat factoids? Here's one! I fuckin hate me, so much. 😃

Tipsy at an ENM meet n greet. I both feel super vibed up and weirdly lonely.

Surprise, it's a cake slice

Also, if you haven't watched Haunted Hotel, consider fixing that.

My new deodorant makes me smell like pumpkin pie. 🥹

Had a nice quality barf at work, so now I'm at home with the doggo

am BAAAAKED as a POTATO. trying to accuse the wifey of trying to write all the time (?) Accuse her of playing Mervin Helmut. Definitely meant Herman Melville.

Tuesday. My NEMESIS.

Pro tip. If you don't know why someone is calling, don't immediately jump down their fucking throat. If there is a time crunch, give a time you will call back. Also? Maybe don't immediately get defensive. It makes you look like a shit bag.

Tuesdays can still kiss my ass.

Tuesdays can kiss my ass.

Me: Imma finish my book... Also Me: ...right after i catch up on these BlueSky notifications Pebbles: 😒

Goal: by the end of Sunday, be finally fucking done with the first draft of this fucking book. I know it's massively flawed and I can see what needs to be fixed and I just want to get on with it.

My dog, notorious hater of rain, flippantly people watching instead of pooping, even as we listen to thunder growing less and less distant.

An hour of absolutely unnecessary fiddling about later, I was able to turn my usual handle and pen name into an ambigram. If ever I end up in the position of needing to sign a book, this'll be how.

The controversial take is that female characters are more interesting when they have major flaws. Which is also true of literally any other character outside the most background of players. Weird, it's almost as if he's become a very skilled writer over years of doing it professionally.

Bed is just short for Bedmond.

The dentist: I don't understand why my appointments are getting staggered on the 40. The assistant: it boosts production. The dentist: who does this benefit?! 5 MINUTES EARLIER The dentist: production is so low... I can't make any money like this...

Somehow or another nicked open the tip of my ring finger. Isn't really bleeding. But it's jagged enough that it hurts ferociously.

Waking up this morning sucked. I'm making the best of it though.

I never did finish this show. I liked what I saw well enough, though, and even outside the context of the discussion about women hiding their anger, people should really be happy that Marvel was willing to take a swing on something unusual.

I'm heading for the bathroom while the dentist is heading into a room to do an exam. "Hello!" she says, voice bright and sugary. "What now?? 🥺" asks the little girl in the chair. "I just need to count your teeth, sweetie," the dentist replies. "Oh okay, 🙂‍↕️" says the little girl.

The new big Tiktok prank is trapping congressmen in Denny's bathrooms 45 minutes at a time. Really letting some of those smells ferment in the fibers of their fancy suits, ya feel?

I have cute new shoes and no one at work is noticing them or complimenting them 😤

Might throw up. As ya do. Not intentionally, mind. Just spontaneous 🤮.

I could really go for a nap right about now.

It's not a BAD day here so far, but it's certainly a doozy of a day. Both the doctors are temps, 7 out of 10 assistants/hygienists are discussing walking out (of the remaining 3, one is a temp and another just started this month). Oh, and one of our front desk is out sick.

Waited over a year for this pen to arrive. Over a year. It finally shows up- its piston converter is tiny, the materials feel cheap, and one of the bottles of ink leaked on the way, turning my hands a sickly deoxygenated blue. Never trusting this company again.

Severely stressed out thinking about my novel, but I need to work on it. Extremely close to it being finished. Then begins the editing process. And that makes me want to cry and throw up.

(am I still high? Fuck, I think I might still be high)

Although I got up two hours ago and have been at work for most of that time, "awake" feels miles and miles away... #idlethoughts

Turns out Bluesky does have an algorithm but it just sends your joke to the person least likely to get it and most likely to get real mad about not getting it

The subjectivity of humor is a fascinating thing. The odd little things I find noteworthy and funny draw dead stares, but people lose their shit laughing when I just make observations. Me trying to be funny? Unfunny. Me talking about life? Gut buster.

Let's sleep in velvet skull edifices yall

Did I mention the weirdest part of the tooth coming out? My mouth tastes different. Like, not better or worse. Just different. It's had me fucked up for a week and a half now.

Managed to figure out a stupid plot hole I had buried myself in. It asks more questions than the original sequence answered... So that's not ideal... But it's workable where the plot hole wasn't.

Vaguely related in the most tangential sense, I've been enjoying some daydreaming at work lately that I am living in a cyberpunk dystopia. Or rather: a MORE VISUALLY INTERESTING cyberpunk dystopia.

Recently started playing Car Mechanic Simulator 2021. I'm not gonna say I'm good at it, but I enjoy it immensely. There's something properly meditative about it- not just going into a flow state, but rather at your own pace systematically dismantling your way into an engine and putting it all back.

The employee bathroom here is a small solo space for 1. I round the corner to go in and there's a coworker I'll call Mindy standing there. Mindy, age 56, is reapplying makeup with the door open. She looks at me. Without skipping a beat, she just grunts "come on in" and goes back to her makeup.

@ellieviz.bsky.social watching a video response to Ben Shapiro's Superman review: "THAT'S BECAUSE IT'S FUNNY, YOU HUMORLESS DICK! IT'S FUNNY AND IT'S WORLD BUILDING AND IT'S CLEVER AND YOU'RE JUST UPSET YOU'RE INCAPABLE OF THOSE THINGS!"

Nothing says climate policy like skipping brunch and hoping the sky notices.

My ★★★★★ review of Final Destination Bloodlines on Letterboxd boxd.it/azkGMV

Watching Final Destination Bloodlines. Like, actively. Currently. Not finished. And I'm gonna happily give it 5 stars on Letterboxd because this shit is fantastic, bonkers, funny as hell, and it doesn't pull its gory punches. Yepper pepper, this flick FUCKS

Turns out these flu symptoms aren't in my head. I mean they are, but only because that's where my tooth was extracted from, causing the immune system to freak out.