"Outside" does not currently pass the vibe check. Despite plenty of street lights, it feels inexplicably DARKER out there right now. Even my dog, normally the happiest of idiots, did this lower jaw wobble she only does when she's anxious.

Unrelated: the collected Hitman trilogy is fast becoming one of my favorite games. Freelancer mode is absolutely infuriating, but I'm obsessed with it.

Half the front desk team is out today, so the manager and I are both up there instead of in our usual little hidey holes. It's a weird vibe- productive, but more like a class reunion than work.

Caught a cold. Took yesterday off work to recuperate. Came to work today despite still feeling like crap. It's not specifically a BAD day, but it's one where I am resentful of the world.

Ooo- lost six followers in about 2 weeks! Seems a lot like they expected a very different person when they started following me, lmao

Today has proven to be less miserable, in part because management has been distracted by 3 patients getting dismissed today for being variously abusive to clerical or harassing of clinical.

You bust your ass, and your reward is that your manager isn't a condescending shit. Sigh.

It's kinda weird- phone wallpapers are so extremely low stakes that it should be one of the only instances where AI slop doesn't bother me. But it still throws me into a little tizzy.

Being a sneaky lil shit to make Ellie smile, because very very few things in this world make me as happy as making her happy. c:<

Work has not been awesome today.

In the land of the pittie, the two thumbed human is king

Beating an upsettingly slow retreat from work on grounds that the solid earth shouldn't be wobbling like that (lightheaded)

It's remarkable how angry an insurance company can make me when it's literally my job to know precisely how evil insurance companies are.

Sleep? Never heard of it. Now the Bacon Egg And Cheese McGriddle™ by McDonald's, on the other hand...

Today is 12% less fucking terrible, so instead of vomiting my dismay onto the Internet for people to quietly ignore, here's some funny experiences I had on what is arguably one of Hitman 2016's hardest maps, Colorado.

I was right to be so upset. Less than 5 minutes after posting this, I got lectured by my manager for not prioritizing correctly. Then she added more to my plate and sent me on my way. That theme continued. Not every day is going to be a good day, but there have been quite a few ugly ones lately.

Yesterday was a sleepy day where everyone was dragging. Today I have 200 things being asked of me at once and I hate everything and everyone

It's a sleepy day at the office today. Plenty to be done, and everyone's staying busy, but we can all think of somewhere we'd rather be idling away the hours.

Guess who was running from rain and fell up some concrete stairs. This dumb bitch right here. Meeeeeeeeeeee. 🫠

Got high the following night. Too high. Far too high. Was still high the next morning. Absolute nerve shredding terror penetrated my every thought and action as I desperately tried to hide from coworkers the degenerate consequences that refused to let go. I'm sober again but still feel broken.

<not high> <FEEL high>

2 hours just loafing about... 🛌

Reconnecting can be a scary thing. I took a leap. If Ell tries to say "I told you so" I'm gonna bite the absolute shit out of her.

I have no context and I love it.

Today's temp dentist is spreading nonsense about phones causing cancer. I flatly replied "I chalk that up to pseudoscience of the same sort that claims 5G is mind control." The conversation ended pretty quick after that.

It started out a decent day, but it ended in such a disrespectful fashion I just spitting fuckin mad. Now to smile and say nothing.

People always say shit like "dust yourself off, try again" and my mental capacity to do that is spent. Im scared of succeeding because then if it goes wrong I just fall from a greater height.

All I want is to go home, turn off the heat, crawl into my favorite hoodie, play video games until I fall asleep, then wake up from the cold and retreat to bed proper.

Illustration from Bees Shown to the Children by Ellison Hawks, London, 1912. #booksky #artsky #naturesky

The general theme for the past couple weeks has been "existential despair" of the "I live, I die, and I will never have mattered" variety. So that's fun.

Me yesterday: I'm going to post more! Me today: (the fuck do I even say?)

It was an okay day on the whole, but this afternoon has only served to affirm that nothing I do matters, it's all just so much slamming my head against a wall until dead.

One of my old bits of stand-by idle content used to be posting about how bone-hollowing TIRED I am. It doesn't quite vibe the same when everyone is exhausted all the time in a seldom-seen fashion because of stress being generated at a systemic, sociological level.

Guilty as charged, tbh. It's not exclusively how I use social media, but I'm not terribly exciting as a rule of thumb. Silly. Weird. But exciting? Nah.

My alarm didn't go off this morning, and 4 hours later my anxiety is STILL rattling through me like lightning.

(I guess it's semi-technical word vomit day. Maybe this afternoon I'll show off my layout)

So I put my "money" where my mouth is, researched some Linux distros (versions) that were more user friendly and not totally dissimilar to Windows. After about a month of browsing and reading, I chose Zorin OS. I can take advantage of the neat tricks Linux has, but I can also fall back on the GUI.

Basically I got sick of the way Windows routes everything through OneDrive. It used to be that the Quick Menu's links to "documents" and "pictures" actually linked to your local documents and pictures. Now it links to the versions of these folders in OneDrive.

I'm noticing a trend. I post when I'm inebriated or upset. I wasn't always like that. Maybe I'll try to fix it going forward. Maybe post a little more often again. Did I mention I switched my laptop to Linux? Zorin OS, specifically.

omg u guys hes gonna get visited by 3 spirits

CHEEEEEEEEE3S3 ON CHICKEN 🐔 ALSO PETIT FOUR Fuckin YUM QND I TOLD ANOTHER COWORKER I'M QUEER AF AMD SHE WAS LIKE "why didn't you tell me sooner?!"

Hello again F U C.K E R S I WM drunk and FEEL PREETTTY

Internet: what's your cute pet name for your partner? ☺️ Me: Bunbun! Ell: Osito! Neil Gaiman: fuckpig.

Business idea (I would expect royalties): Joggy Doggy. A gym with small fenced in areas where owners can go work out alongside their pets. Parallel treadmills for man and dog!

My kingdom for a can of febreze 🤢

Using the rare quiet morning to play a little Sniper Elite: Resistance. Ending a lengthy mission by exploding a nazi's balls on my way out of the area. Sublime.

I'm not particularly consistent with social media lately. :<

>:( trying to play a fun game with Ellie and she's like NO. fuckin Mervin Helmuts, I tell ya.