Lindor for breakfast, but eating them out of a bowl with a spoon so it's okay

Most important thing when buying a new hoodie - what are the drawstrings like to play with?

Hmm, apparently it was Carol Singers at the door, but I can't hear any singing? *Heads to the front door* Ooohhh, Carol Mimes!

One of the biggest Christmas stresses is making sure there is always some of the nice cutlery clean, so you don't have to resort to using the weird stuff that usually just sits in the drawer unused.

Don't like to brag, but just did an amazing scissor glide through the wrapping paper.

Stuffing! #ThanksGreg #MuchAppreciated #ChristmasReminderService

At least his books got children reading, actually a good thing for other writers, something something...

Sorry I haven't posted much today - been busy at work, emailing back and forth with HR because someone tried to send me some work to do. And apparently it isn't illegal to do that on 19th December? Even when it's a Friday?

Breadcrumbs! #ThanksGreg #MuchAppreciated #ChristmasReminderService

He's making a list, he's checking it twice...

Oh very much this. I basically create a Choose Your Own Adventure book in my head each time so that every possible path the lie could take is covered. It's like Mission Impossible but to get out of coffee and cake.

I'm here to buy a Christmas Tree that says Christmas on the box and to kick ass, and I can't see any... what's that? Where? By the sign that says Christmas Trees you say? Where exactly? Down the Christmas Aisle? Just past the Christmas Cards, and next to the Christmas Decorations? Oh, ok. Thank you!

*pinching the bridge of my nose* Think of it like this... he doesn't know his left from his right, okay? So that would hold true when he was writing on his wellies too, see? And then he'd put them on, and they'd actually be on the right feet? Get it? US Border Guard: Run that by me one more time...

Imagine if it was socially acceptable to eat Brandy Butter like it was a yoghurt. Just imagine that. Keep imagining that. Just keep imagining a bit longer, I've only got a couple more spoonfuls to go.

Elliot Smith did a stunning cover of this, worth looking up

Saw some Mini Eggs in the supermarket. Didn't even say Christmas on them.

I've decided the best way to get another book published is to become a celebrity first, so I'm pleased to announce that I'll be competing at the next Olympics. I will be sending a ghost athlete to compete as me, but it's been a lifelong dream of mine to be an Olympian, can't wait to win that Gold!

A Sankey is a really good visualisation sometimes, really easy to pick up what has gone where. Can't help but feel though that it doesn't really matter, that toothpaste is all over the place now.

Pleased to report that my workplace are rolling out Magic 8 Ball across all platforms to support our work and help with some routine processes, freeing up our time to concentrate on higher level tasks such as finding a teaspoon in the kitchen.

Been to several supermarkets and not a single bag of sprouts had the word Christmas on them. Oh, wouldn't want to upset the Mexicans, would we? Woke gone mad.

Friday afternoon work tip - stick Last Christmas on on a loop in the office, might keep a few people away and stop them bothering you when you're trying to have a nap.

Very pleased to have been awarded the inaugural Custard Cream Peace Prize. A great honour.

Just heard someone say "there's that old saying, assumption makes an ass of you and me" and I mean, well, I dunno?

3am thought this morning - Noel Fiding. End.

Cleaning the grill pan like I'm an expert on The Repair Shop - "That's coming up nicely now, a bit more work and we'll have it looking like it did when it was first used, and it should last the family for several more weeks of use hopefully. What a wonderful item to work on." It gets me through.

Listening to Last Christmas because it is an all-time banger and George didn't die on Christmas Day for you to disrespect his memory by participating in Whamageddon

Bertha was a warning, AI people, not a template. A warning, not a template.

“Regretting my third wish”

Much better than stealing heavy stuff like gold. This way, you have less cargo.

I've heard Last Christmas six times so far. Am I winning?

Twitter and chat gpt are down. Bad day for people who suck.

Please support our local indie bookshop - the absolute centre of the arts scene in Worcester, and so much more than a bookshop.

Remember, remember the *Ninth* of November, Gunpowder, treason and plot (Plot! Plot!) I see no reason we shouldn't terrify people's pets for yet another night, Because after all why not? (Not! Not!) www.dogstrust.org.uk/support-us/c...

Having porridge at 5pm is a bit OTT

Fireworks *again* tonight? Took a while to kill ol' Fawkesy didn't it?

- Just been to the bookshop but the book I ordered has gone missing somewhere in the system, so I'm leaving now. - Stray tome? - Might go to a coffee shop on the way back actually

Fearnley-Whittingstall, Grant and Laurie on a countryside walk, Admiring the gilded views. The crisp, fresh air, the blanket of leaves. Perfect autumnal Hughs.

Going to be out of the office today on the F of Four o'clock, I'll tell you that much.

Just sent an email to four people and got out of office replies for all of them - back on 3rd, 4th, 5th and 6th of November respectively. #WhatAreTheChancesOfThatHappening #NewWorldRecordMaybe

Busy afternoon ahead - got a social event in a couple of weeks, so need to script all the potential conversations I might have to have so I know what to say.

Added a bit of ready made custard when I was making my porridge this morning, and I'd do it again, I'd do it again I tell you

Immunotherapy hitting harder this time, but having a rest day and being well looked after.

I didn't leave my loyalty card at home at all, I don't even have one, it was all an elaborate lie, a lie I tell you

Is #WorldNovelWeek a new thing? *taps mic* I said, is...

What did Paul McCartney have for breakfast yesterday? Scrambled eggs

3am. I wake up. My brain: But surely Tiramisu Coffee Syrup would have to take into account the fact that it's being added to coffee so there's already coffee flavour there which is the main flavour in Tiramisu as it is? But they don't know how strong the coffee is that it's going to be added to?

Flying trampoline day is early this year

My most strongly held opinion is that cooking instructions shouldn't say "cooks in 1 hour 20 minutes" if you cook it for 1 hour then have to take it out of the oven, add a sauce, then cook for another 20 minutes - that cooks in about 1 hour 22 minutes then, don't it

in lieu of a globe, flat earthers can substitute a lazy susan