what does the G in Roy G Biv stand for? What is his middle name

the smell of condoms lingered on my son when he got home so I asked him “were you out smoking condoms with your friends” and he said “no” but I know he was lying because I found a lighter and burnt condoms in his laundry basket

one year since Carter was assassinated by a covert league of alien pedophile spiders

Does anyone know if there was a deleted scene in Alien where Ripley was wearing fishnets and picking up grapes with her toes or was that a dream?

watching a zorno (zootopia porno)

“piece be with you” I smile and give my son a single lego piece for christmas. the roof then caves in on us and I scream “let’s get it” because I wanted my last words to be different

only nineties kids will remember playing with Baby Husband toys while watching the cartoon

home alone extraction shooter where you play as the wet bandits

old yeller eating a magnet in the first act foreshadowed that a bullet would careen towards him later in the film

inflation

reboot of cheers but it takes place in the titan submarine

kids section at Gap has been renamed to the Gap Squirts

critter season

the grinch who stole veterans day

a eureka moment is when two ideas have sex in your head

the joker’s real name is Joe Core

what if the fappening was called the zappening and it was leaked pics of celebrities getting electrocuted

jeffery epstein won the world’s greatest secretary award in 2019 for his famous “epstein files,” which set the golden standard for how documents should be organized in an office environment

If Beast Street Could Talk

smh Daniel Shit was my most listened artist two years in a row 🥀

the engineer’s poorly programmed fetish

gordon ramsey will be baked into a meat pie and fed to dogs

shooting a Dracula with an AR-15. He laughs and asks if it’s in yet

so funny that houdini got punched to death. jocks will always beat nerds

I have not jacked off to pictures of gravel yet

licking my finger before scrolling my phone

romcom is romantic computer

i wish humans had penis bones so when cartoon characters got struck by lightning you’d have to draw their skeleton with said penis bone

review bombed the local animal hospital because everyone who worked there was human

all Brazzers content will be on netflix by the end of the year

it breaks your heart to see two cousins suing each other

gay jar jar binks trying to join mensa

baby birds get breakfast in bed every day 😂

doordashing lunchly for my son Bixel

making love to a true patriot feels better than sex with a human

if jenna ortega asked for my number I would say “guess” and once she got all nine numbers correct I would call her a smart girl, tip my hat, and say “too smart for your own good” while walking away

dressing up as a dog and spaying myself on the capitol steps to advertise my Dog Dudes Podcast

perfect specimen

painting my comatose wife blue so when she finally wakes up she’ll think she’s an avatar in the wonderful world of Pandora

every bone in my body broke because they shipped my voodoo doll without packing peanuts

I rub my magic healing crystal and the entire rainforest grows back. i spit on the crystal and everyone in Nepal gets a raise at their job

download TrueLove University Mobile and play the first hour of Study Sessions: Kendra and Bartlett for free

if a bird tried to rip off my belt (think the dress up scene from Snow White) I would swat at it and say hands off the merchandise

the Beatles wrote if you’re happy and you know it clap your hands

if I went on hot ones I’d refuse to answer any questions and jack off on the wings

toilet troubles? call the Clog Cousins and we’ll de-brown your tubes before you can say “are they secretly dating?”

kiss your ring goodbye 🧲⚡

leave hot dog skins on my grave

hardwiring my Linux Diaper to turn on netflix on every device in the house when i wizz

burying my burger king chicken fries at the pet cemetery