I had a dream a toddler pulled a gun on me and stole a hundred dollars

On a date last night and he said “I’m a driverless car guy” and I was like well, time to leave

God dammit

Can someone who believes in god ask him why he’s doing this to me

I think the fact that I’m bad at writing cover letters is proof of my pure spirit

Do you guys remember when majoras mask grew legs

I have a friend that I love dearly but he will not stop posting about Taylor’s wedding and I want to block him

My parents were low income so I often just browsed game shops as a kid. Sometimes mum let me get a game. It'd cost her whole day's wage and a chunk of our rent. Dad once told me to check under the car seat and Pokemon Red was there in a bag. Ownership isn't the only thing we lose with physical media

Another day

I don’t think I have the mental fortitude to see Taylor wedding hot takes

People outside of LA think the horrors of dating here are that guys will be vapid and Instagram obsessed but the true horror is just trying to find parking in weho

Good morning my gooses

Larynx would be a beautiful name for a baby girl

Mmm yes another job rejection. My future on rent men is becoming brighter than ever

Hi there, nice to see you. Professional craftsperson here to say: THE VALUE IS ABSOLUTELY IN CREATING A PERFECT FLOWER POT YOU WEIRD GARGOYLE (1/?)

Find me on goose, the everything app

I finally beat A10 as the silent and spiritually I think that means things will get better for me soon

I hate when a big movie comes out and everyone loves it except me, it’s like an affliction, I feel like a cultural leper

Hey bros

I’m seeing discussion about Ariana Grande’s body pop up again and I don’t know why but it feels so weird. Like people saying that young girls see her body and will develop an eating disorder just feels wrong to me? Is asking her to hide away until she’s better the goal? I just don’t get it

Are there people inventing new instruments or did like things peak at the piano

been getting back into kingdom hearts which either means im thriving or struggling i wont tell you which

Chiropractors being entirely based on a guy who said he learned everything from a ghost is so funny to me. But what’s even funnier is his son bought a radio show to spread chiro propaganda and that’s where RONALD REAGAN got his first broadcasting job

I have replaced my skull with a cosmic orb

I love when my friends try to be helpful by sending me job posting and the first line is like “on site only located in Sri Lanka” and I just have to be like aww yeah thank you I will definitely apply!

Do you guys remember the era of check your privilege, when celebrities just had to be like I understand that most don’t have what I have 🙏 okay here is me on a private island

This timeline is genuinely… something

Putting in eye drops: AHHHFFFUUHHAHHHHhhhhhhoooh oh fuck yeah

I hate being interrupted when I’m in the middle of björkin it. Can’t you see jóga is on? Wait over there

The best way to remember it is a stalagmite MIGHT fall, because it’s on the ceiling and a stalactite must be TIGHT because it’s on the bottom

They should make a live action A Bugs Life and it’s really creepy and off putting and no one watches it

ALL HAIL ED

😎

“What’s your workout routine?” Do you ask a painter what brush they use? NO! Learn to PAINT

MINA THE HOLLOWER 🙏☝️1️⃣✝️

I hate when I’m going through something and people are like 🥺🥺 do u want to see pics of my puppercino to cheer you up 🥺🥺 here’s a pic of my doggo to make u smile 🥺🥺 bitch NO I want DRUGS

Imagine being the first person to say there is no i in team that shit must’ve went hard

Think I've got to side with Patagonia here.

“Hey someone in Chattanooga is using your photos on grindr” Ok great what am I supposed to do about it. Good luck to them idk

Someone sent you an album that expires in 18 seconds

bjorkin it rn

It’s wild to think in my early 20s I thought activism could happen on Instagram and now I tap through politics so fast hoping I find someone posting a pic of a really good hot dog they had for lunch

Someone marry me so I can get more in unemployment

I did not realize how actually low unemployment is lol. 400 a week in LA after taxes

I feel like I’ve lost my ability to post. Maybe that’s a blessing

Hello

Currently unemployed and he’s right

I love when people say they like AI’s potential in medicine and then when I ask one single follow up question it becomes obvious they have no idea what they’re talking about

Finished my first cut btw