do NOT eat the catering at the Toni Kensa event tonight you WILL feel the wrath of the elders

Marie came home last night soaked from the rain and she looked like a wet cat

I don't get paid enough to be able to replace my phone so apologies for disappearing

update: Marina came over to do some maintenance on stuff around base and had to watch me frying eggs in a pan in the driveway

WHY IS IT SO HOT OUTSIDE

might be a good idea to invest in earplugs if I'm going to continue to sit in on Squid Sisters rehearsals

starting to think someone is purposefully hiding my boots and my shoes so I have to walk around in my sandals with my dogs out

why do we own a flamethrower? we have no need for one and yet we have one and we spend a substantial amount per month on maintenance for it

went and got food for girls night and they put tomatoes on Marie's food and she had me incinerate the entire order

I want grape juice

where the hell are my actual shoes I don't wanna go walk around at night in my sandals

my death is being put on hold, I have grape juice

wearing my one pair of jeans for the first time in a while and now I remember why Callie hates them

:(... you're right but :(...

had to explain to Craig what "sloinkin it crazy style" meant and now he won't stop talking about how he used to sloink Octavio someone come put me out of my misery

chest pains

why have I never listened to off the hook until now

if my back wasn't so screwed up at the moment I think I'd be more excited about getting to go back to urchin underpass

coma

did you change your keyboard layout again?

got locked in the basement

may or may not have just broken a doorknob, may or may not be trapped in the bathroom

trapped in LEMURIA HUB AGAIN

GET ME OUT OF LEMURIA HUB

I would not

just watched a pigeon eat a baby's finger off I'm never going to mahi-mahi resort again

Four is winning that fight and it isn't even fair

got my foot up on the gas doing 120 in a school zone (I'm actually going the speed limit because I'm the only one that can legally drive and I don't want my license taken away)

please stop showing me twunk Craig

did you know him

... I have ice cream

I've got military grade pain killers if you want some

I don't like this combination of words why the hell would you do that

what

"become the better version of yourself" as if I'm not at my peak right now, eating a family sized bag of pretzels and ignoring filling out paperwork

I've been neglecting this platform, have I missed anything

he looks at me like this when I won't let him drive

fighting for my life right now

Marie Day

of course the night right after I'm awake at 3 in the morning eating taquitos

got a real night of sleep for the first night in weeks

I'm going to eat your music awards

insurance isn't paying for the hospital trip this time

headache

can I swear in front of little buddy

we're making four pay for my therapy

I'm telling Marie

he's been quiet for three days I think they may have given him the death pudding