straight up Gorchin it.

it's probably unhealthy how often I have to remind myself that taking my life is not a viable option at every minor inconvenience.

The path to hell is beyblade with good intentions.

why do the police have to print tickets on the finest paper in all of India. just seems unnecessary man.

is Nicki Minaj still being a dumbass?

CircleKirkers are such a beautiful creature to find in the wild.

how tf does Westside Gunn do that with his voice?

Putting some awesome sauce on my spaghetti and amazeballs.

Can I hold your pussy while you pee? I know it probably won't help you aim but I don't care lol

many many people are asking me this question: with a dick that big how do you hide it if you wear a skirt? and my answer to them is this, the trick is to tuck it into your thigh highs.

an easy way to tell if it's a scam medical call, the wait time, if you get in under 20 minutes, It's pretty suspicious. (US advice only)

HUGE Balls, average dick the kinda Nuts that you gotta spread your legs for. Pre is constantly leaking, a real problem when you're just trying to get by without needing 5 extra pairs of underwear to change into Sack so Big and loud you can hear the Cum Churning in em... Like if u agree

if I ever touch my body and my hands have turned into feet, I'm frame 1 putting a real bomb in my bath.

I don't think I can make this joke without getting in trouble

they call me the Unabonner, cuz I just have one bonner.

fun fact, instead of doing the dishes you can just drop a hand grenade in the sink and then it won't be a problem anymore.

liberals love wonder woman, because they wonder what a woman is.

can someone give me an updated list of words that are slurs? (so I can make sure I don't say them)

I was Scrooge-ing your mom, and I Scrooged inside her, and now she's gonna be scroogenant.

why don't furries just wait to reincarnate?

if you give someone an inch they'll take it a mile, so taking my dick is like... 3 miles or something.

I got dong term memory, I remember every dihh I've seen.

pizza so saucy you gotta eat it with a spoon.

what the fuck was going on in 2006?

do Ben Shapiro fans fuck with Weezer?

there's a nonzero number of people who went as Charlie Kirk on Halloween.

Breaking News! This just in! The republicans passed the "FUCK YOU GO DIE" bill!

republicans: we won't move an inch on this! me: how about move an inch on this dick (it's not very big)

Tobuscus x Rittenhouse

The Vatican is the clitoris of Italy.

well, I'll be.

'hey, where's the pizza?' 'it's in my pissa'

Many years ago Donald sucked off Bill Clinton. and now he's sucking off Mamdani.

Freud would have had a fuckin field day with some of you people.

a good marker that america isn't a prosperous country is the fact we still have laundromats.

hi ladies, gentlemen and themtlethems

Me: So what do you do? The guy I met at the bar: Draw. Me: Oh like digital or physical? Him: What, No I Draw. Me: What do you use? Him: *shoots me 7 times*

heretic, there a tic, everywhere a tic.

as a former white boy I definitely have uttered the phrase "we should start a podcast"

the Sisyphus outbreak is getting really bad!

do you think Jake from Statefarm and Flo from Progressive get freakbob?

my guess is the files are gonna be released hella sanitized removing all mentions of Drumpf and then he and maga are gonna turn it into a "he said, she said" scenario and it'll be the "suspicious leaks" vs the "official government documents"

once you see my balls, then you'll see my penis.

WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO THE MOON!?

if you want to stop hallucinating... rip out your eyeballs!

it's not the size of the boy that is fem, it's the size of the fem in the boy :3

I wish Stuart Little died in 9/11

writing my passcodes on my fingers. call me Edward Passwordhands

we got some of what we want from the Epstein situation, I think we should start working for the Diddy files.

how old were y'all when you found out that reindeer were an actual animal?